Anonymous wrote:I think googling people - whether dates, prospective boss/client/employee, etc - has become a part of our society and social behavior and relations, and shouldn't be judged as abnormal. Everyone does it.

Agreed. Don't know what the big deal is, just google away. Give the person a chance to explain themselves of course, and listen to your instinct on whether you buy their explanation. If someone is put off by your googling then they are silly. They should be flattered that you looked them up, even if the have bad stuff. If they have bad stuff they need to come to terms with their past and not be all pissy that its out there - a sign of immaturity.

I beg to differ. I think these websites are offering a great service for people to investigate a little before they decide if they want to get to know someone.

I wouldn't hold what you found against this guy though. And I certainly wouldn't mention it to him either...He may think you are a stalker. He probably has done his own investigating on you as well. I mean, truthfully...who in 2013 doesn't Google anyone??! A big DUH!! Lol.

OP, you did nothing wrong by running his name through google. Although I personally don't like to do that before a first date, this is the age of information and everyone should assume that their potential dates will see whatever information is posted publicly about them on the internet.

In your position, the arrest for pot would mean nothing to me (I also support full legalization) but multiple DUIs would be a big red flag. I'd want to look at how many there were, in what kind of succession (3 in 3 months? maybe it was a dark time in his life, I'd go on the date. But 3 in 3 years? That shows consistent problems with alcohol/safety/decision making and I'd probably not.), and how long ago the most recent arrest was. If it was 4-5+ years past, I'd go on the date. I wouldn't bring up the google results but I'd steer the conversation in such a way as to try and ascertain his current drinking habits (IMO someone with multiple DUIs should be abstaining almost entirely from alcohol, exceptions made for a single drink at a wedding, for example). I'd use my impression from that conversation to determine whether or not this was a deal breaker or not, and if it was, I would be honest about it with him at that point.

Following on, but I do think it introduces new conundrums, such as what you have pointed out OP, when you find out information that is surprising and you then have to manage and pretend you don't know. Yes, that's awkward. And that's the problem with google, facebook, twitter and so on, as a pp pointed out. It takes the mystery out of life.

I think googling people - whether dates, prospective boss/client/employee, etc - has become a part of our society and social behavior and relations, and shouldn't be judged as abnormal. Everyone does it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm - Arrest record for DUI and drug possession would probably be a deal breaker for me. It would be helpful to know important stuff like that upfront before deep feelings got involved.

the second isn't a deal breaker at all because I believe in full legalization. I am not very happy with finding out about the first though.

A COUPLE of arrests records for DUI, OP? So, not just one that may -- may -- have been a fluke? Yes, deal breaker. Because this means that for every time he was caught, there were many other times that he was driving drunk and just lucked out.

Anonymous wrote:Umm - Arrest record for DUI and drug possession would probably be a deal breaker for me. It would be helpful to know important stuff like that upfront before deep feelings got involved.

the second isn't a deal breaker at all because I believe in full legalization. I am not very happy with finding out about the first though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much/deep do you do an internet search about someone before going on a date with them?

Going out next week with someone I haven't seen in a decade...I was day dreaming today and put their name in google without even thinking (I try not to do this because I find it ruins first/second dates) and I came across a couple of arrest records for a DUI and pot possession from a couple of years ago.

The first bothers me way more than the second (I don't care about the second since I smoke myself...to be honest, it kind of was a positive knowing I can be open with my weed now) but I feel that during the date I'll keep thinking about wanting to ask about the story of the arrests and it could ruin the date and also the fact that I feel like a bit of a stalker/creep.

I think google/data companies like spokeo, mylife, facebook, twitter, linkedin, etc. have ruined some aspects of dating..the mystery, intrigue...these days you go into the first couple dates with knowing so much about someone even if you barely have spoken to them. It's all a bit odd.

If you asked 1,000 people to name three "must have's" in a relationship I'm guessing nearly everyone, male and female alike, would have trust as one of those three.
Can you trust someone who's been arrested a couple times? Maybe.
Can you trust someone who's snoops about your personal life? Maybe.
Which offense is worse...
All a matter of perspective - to each his own.
Personally I think if you're bold enough to look into others' business and make judgments about their character then you should be bold enough to tell them about it and let them make their own judgments about your character in turn.

OP here. I didn't want to snoop, it wasn't like I ran the person's name through some judicial database or something. I just threw it up In google because I was bored and since I know the person from the past (i.e. I know their full name, what year they were born, we're from the same hometown) I know it isn't the case of mistaken identity.

Now I don't know if I should bring it up right away or just let them bring it up.

But I was just making a general commentary that these days when dating, its crazy how much info you can find out before hand via the internet

Anonymous wrote:How much/deep do you do an internet search about someone before going on a date with them?

Going out next week with someone I haven't seen in a decade...I was day dreaming today and put their name in google without even thinking (I try not to do this because I find it ruins first/second dates) and I came across a couple of arrest records for a DUI and pot possession from a couple of years ago.

The first bothers me way more than the second (I don't care about the second since I smoke myself...to be honest, it kind of was a positive knowing I can be open with my weed now) but I feel that during the date I'll keep thinking about wanting to ask about the story of the arrests and it could ruin the date and also the fact that I feel like a bit of a stalker/creep.

I think google/data companies like spokeo, mylife, facebook, twitter, linkedin, etc. have ruined some aspects of dating..the mystery, intrigue...these days you go into the first couple dates with knowing so much about someone even if you barely have spoken to them. It's all a bit odd.

If you asked 1,000 people to name three "must have's" in a relationship I'm guessing nearly everyone, male and female alike, would have trust as one of those three.
Can you trust someone who's been arrested a couple times? Maybe.
Can you trust someone who's snoops about your personal life? Maybe.
Which offense is worse...
All a matter of perspective - to each his own.
Personally I think if you're bold enough to look into others' business and make judgments about their character then you should be bold enough to tell them about it and let them make their own judgments about your character in turn.

10:46 here - I was actually relieved when a woman with my name started doing PR for a major agency. suddenly every google entry was something related to her work. it was kind of cool to know that if a date googled me, they'd only find stuff like that. (because let's face it, I'm pretty boring. my only google results are race results.)

You don't need to make an excuse for googling yourself. Everyone googles themselves (except maybe if they have a very boring name).

I once googled myself and found at least 38 different people with my exact first name and last name. One was a porn actress. So I would take any google search with a grain of salt because you might not have the right person, even if their name seems like it might be unique.

(I googled myself because a credit agency pulled someone else's delinquencies into my credit report and I had to make the case that it's ridiculous to pull credit items by name alone and not SS# because those things could have belonged to one of 37 other people.)

Google, yes, but with a grain of salt, since not everything on the internet is true. Also, not cool to mention something you read on Google to the person.

Umm - Arrest record for DUI and drug possession would probably be a deal breaker for me. It would be helpful to know important stuff like that upfront before deep feelings got involved.

How much/deep do you do an internet search about someone before going on a date with them?

Going out next week with someone I haven't seen in a decade...I was day dreaming today and put their name in google without even thinking (I try not to do this because I find it ruins first/second dates) and I came across a couple of arrest records for a DUI and pot possession from a couple of years ago.

The first bothers me way more than the second (I don't care about the second since I smoke myself...to be honest, it kind of was a positive knowing I can be open with my weed now) but I feel that during the date I'll keep thinking about wanting to ask about the story of the arrests and it could ruin the date and also the fact that I feel like a bit of a stalker/creep.

I think google/data companies like spokeo, mylife, facebook, twitter, linkedin, etc. have ruined some aspects of dating..the mystery, intrigue...these days you go into the first couple dates with knowing so much about someone even if you barely have spoken to them. It's all a bit odd.