Yeah OP, this is normal. Sucks that you had to find out about it though.

I prefer not to know what my DH is thinking about in his fantasies either, like a PP said. I know I'm a good-looking woman, but we have some really hot women in our circle of friends, and I'd be kidding myself if I thought he hadn't jerked off to one or two of them.

It does make me a little jealous. Then I try to shrug it off.

My DH practically has phone sex with a female friend. I'm cool with it. Then again, each of us has one hall pass.

pp again. You expect him not to be sexually attracted to any other "known" woman except you? Yeah, you must be 12 alright.

What are you 12?

I have definitely masturbated thinking about people I know. Men and women both.

I'm very happy in my marriage and DH has nothing to worry about. You probably don't, either.

Guys, OP and her boyfriend were drunk and this slipped out. It wasn't like he confessed it over dinner or while watching TV. I bet he wishes he could take it back.

That's the downside to being open and honest about everything. Sometimes, you find out stuff that, in retrospect, you did not really want to know.

It is normal to fantasize about people you know. It is not normal to disclose it to your SO - and your reaction is the reason why.

Frankly, I do not want to know who my DH jerks off too. He is welcome to his own fantasies.

The fantasy is normal. Discussing it with your partner is not normal.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah, we're really honest with each other, although this subject hasn't been brought up before. It just happened over Thanksgiving - we were drunk at my parents' house, went up to my room for the night, and were just talking about shit and it came out. Now I'm afraid to ask him if he has fantasized about other women, or his exes.

He didn't seem ashamed of it, but he got uncomfortable when he saw how I took it.

Oh OP. Let me make it simple for you. He's fantasized about other women. He isn't ashamed of this because it's nothing to be ashamed of. He isn't going to sleep with this friend anymore than you're going to sleep with George Clooney or whatever celebrity you fantasize about. He got uncomfortable because your reaction made him think he'd done something wrong.

Please do not ask him if he's fantasized about other women. Please do not ask him about his exes. If you must discuss this with him (and it sounds like you need to talk), you can something along the lines of "Boyfriend, when we were at my parents and we had that awkward drunk moment where you told me you thought about Rita when you were masturbating, I realize that my reaction made you uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable myself because I hadn't thought about you doing that. The only people I ever think about when I masturbate are you and George Clooney. I love you very much, though, and I'm really sorry it was a weird moment." And then do your best to continue trusting and loving him.

In answer to your OP: yes, what he's doing is normal.

Maybe he thought it was a safe way to bring up threesomes or something.

Anonymous wrote:It's normal but why in the world did he tell you about it?

This. Doing it is normal. Not having the social skills to avoid bringing it up is a problem.

It's normal but why in the world did he tell you about it?
I'm sure he wasn't being intentionally cruel, but nonetheless.
You don't need to know about this stuff.

OP here. Yeah, we're really honest with each other, although this subject hasn't been brought up before. It just happened over Thanksgiving - we were drunk at my parents' house, went up to my room for the night, and were just talking about shit and it came out. Now I'm afraid to ask him if he has fantasized about other women, or his exes.

He didn't seem ashamed of it, but he got uncomfortable when he saw how I took it.

You've really never had a sexual fantasy about someone you know? I think that's kind of strange.

Honestly, I think it's weird that he told you about it though I can see why he went out of his way to reassure you that there was nothing going on. Since you clearly have the sort of relationship where he was comfortable telling you he jerks off to thoughts of this woman, you should be comfortable telling him that makes you uncomfortable. Be aware that the only effect it will likely have is that he won't tell you when he fantasizes about other women. He won't stop doing it.

My boyfriend of 5 years is very loyal to me, and we're very happy together. He has always been flirty with other girls, but I flirt with other guys too and we're very chilled out and easy-going about it. I completely 100% trust that he is faithful to me. Over 5 years, I've gotten to know him extremely well and I know that he is not going to step out on me. He has earned my trust.

I recently found out that a new female friend of his - I've met her a couple times, and she's a super nice girl - has become the occasional subject of his masturbation fantasies. (We have sex regularly, by the way, and it's never boring.) He said that he didn't have a crush on her and she didn't have one on him, but he found her very attractive.

I'm hurt. It's one thing if he jerks off to porn, but this is a woman he actually knows. Is it normal for attached men to masturbate to attractive female friends? How should I handle this? I mean, I've gotten off to movie stars, but not other guys I know.

I want to hear from men in this thread, or girlfriends or wives who have experienced this.