Anonymous
11/25/2013 22:22
Subject: reason to believe
Anonymous wrote:Get thee to www.survivinginfidelity.com. Read the Healing Library there (I don't think you have to be registered yet to do that). Register and start asking questions. People who have actual experience will be much better at giving concrete advice than anyone on this board.
Generally, cheaters will lie unless confronted with hard evidence. So stop talking about it and start digging. If she or he suspects you are suspicious, s/he will take things farther underground, so it is important to act as normal as possible.
Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, exercise. You need to be strong. Also, get into therapy now. Find someone who actually knows something about infidelity and won't just try to mend the relationship without dealing with the fallout (Doug Cohen in Georgetown has been recommended on this board for that).
Finally, get your worst case scenario ducks in a row. See a lawyer. Get financial documents in order. When you do have concrete information, you will want to be in a strong position, even if you decide to reconcile.
Good luck.
Thank you for that. On one hand, I have been struggling with whether I would really want to know. If my suspicions come true (I am one of the most unsuspicious sort of person), is that better than ignoring the issue completely?
I know I need to just take some time to think. Being rational, I know that my suspicions are about 90% certain to be the truth. I am trying to assume it is completely true. And asking myself, what next?
Having suspicions and being involved in them is a poison. The less I confirm, the more I feel that there is to hide, and as you said, more effort on their part to hide it. So I have to dig deeper and harder still. If they are confirmed, well....as they say, the truth hurts. The true poison is when the suspicions are not true, but causes me to be more suspicious of every action.
Anyway, thanks for the advice...
Why me?
Anonymous
11/25/2013 22:14
Subject: reason to believe
Get thee to www.survivinginfidelity.com. Read the Healing Library there (I don't think you have to be registered yet to do that). Register and start asking questions. People who have actual experience will be much better at giving concrete advice than anyone on this board.
Generally, cheaters will lie unless confronted with hard evidence. So stop talking about it and start digging. If she or he suspects you are suspicious, s/he will take things farther underground, so it is important to act as normal as possible.
Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, exercise. You need to be strong. Also, get into therapy now. Find someone who actually knows something about infidelity and won't just try to mend the relationship without dealing with the fallout (Doug Cohen in Georgetown has been recommended on this board for that).
Finally, get your worst case scenario ducks in a row. See a lawyer. Get financial documents in order. When you do have concrete information, you will want to be in a strong position, even if you decide to reconcile.
Good luck.
Generally, cheaters will lie unless confronted with hard evidence. So stop talking about it and start digging. If she or he suspects you are suspicious, s/he will take things farther underground, so it is important to act as normal as possible.
Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, exercise. You need to be strong. Also, get into therapy now. Find someone who actually knows something about infidelity and won't just try to mend the relationship without dealing with the fallout (Doug Cohen in Georgetown has been recommended on this board for that).
Finally, get your worst case scenario ducks in a row. See a lawyer. Get financial documents in order. When you do have concrete information, you will want to be in a strong position, even if you decide to reconcile.
Good luck.
Anonymous
11/25/2013 21:46
Subject: reason to believe
I have reason to believe my SO is involved in some sort of cheating with me one way or another. I will not go into specifics as my SO is a frequent reader of this board.
An anonymous note to my SO: You have aroused me. My suspicions that is.
It is a sad day for me.
For the rest of you folks, I am posting for a reason. Any suggestions on what I should do? Seek ways to confirm? I've tried to ask directly, but that is met with denials (of course), but the actions are indicative of those of someone who is doing something behind my back that wouldn't do otherwise in front of me. Also, for those poster-haters out there, yes, I have gently and lovingly asked if there is anything I am doing wrong, or what I can do be a better person. Answer: You're perfect.
Right....
An anonymous note to my SO: You have aroused me. My suspicions that is.
It is a sad day for me.
For the rest of you folks, I am posting for a reason. Any suggestions on what I should do? Seek ways to confirm? I've tried to ask directly, but that is met with denials (of course), but the actions are indicative of those of someone who is doing something behind my back that wouldn't do otherwise in front of me. Also, for those poster-haters out there, yes, I have gently and lovingly asked if there is anything I am doing wrong, or what I can do be a better person. Answer: You're perfect.
Right....