I'm 23:00, and I think if your husband is trying to deal with it but the MIL still calls YOU, you need to firmly tell her to call her son instead (maybe on his cell?) since it's his business. It seems there is no sense trying to talk her through this. This is a husband issue, and he alone can/ should deal with it.

As for the yelling -- she's an old woman. Treat her as such. You sound like you can manage to avoid her calls. Don't be rude. You don't do yourself any favors by being rude back. After a decade, she plain doesn't like you. So what. (To me you sound as if there could be some hubris there that would make me not like you, as well). So be it. Just listen and be polite. Do you really care? (I personally do not care in the least what my MIL thinks of me … she could yell all day and I would just put the phone away from my ear… and precisely because of that, guess what, she doesn't yell at me, even though I suspect she doesn't really like me all that much - so what…? who cares?)

OK, PP, why do you care if the MIL is on the account if she doesn't access it? Really, let her save that face. If you think she thinks you are bad DIL because you want to be taken care of, meaning you want to have access to the account, leave it the way it is - with DH and MIL on the account. Or add yourself but leave MIL, if that truly is the last tie with DH. In other words, why are you (or DH) expecting an older woman and mom to sever her last tie with DH, which you know she won't want to do … if it is a pyrrhic exercise. Let her keep face and stay on the account. I doubt she is going to come clean it out one day. It just sounds to me like you are a bad DIL. You want to squish MIL out - her worst fear as a single mom. I would hate you too.

Anonymous wrote:Don't permit her to yell at you. Hang up if she does.

Someone who reads! Thank you for advice and answering my question!

Don't permit her to yell at you. Hang up if she does.

Guys,

Can you all go back and READ my thread? I brought up the situation of said account to preface the situation of tonight with GMA when I was informed that MIL is mad at her for talking to me.

1) I didn't discuss the account with her.
2) I am asking for advice on getting through MIL's temper tantrums and making sure that others don't take her crap because of her issues with her son and her undeniable nonacceptance of me as her DIL.

You are a rotten DIL. I wouldn't like you either.

Um, if your MIL is on the account, either DH started it when he was a minor … or it is her (or the family) business. In either case, she pretty much has a right to stay on the account, unless she feels like signing off it. I totally side with MIL here. You are a bad DIL.

Anonymous wrote:Because it was -- and still is -- her account. You may not be sucking on MIL teat, but you are apparently sucking on family business teat. Live with it. If she doesn't take money out of it, who cares if her name is nominally on it. Consider the gift tax implications if she just pulls her name off - that could be a lot of money.

It isn't her business. It's DH's business. And, DH asked his Mom to remove herself. Instead, she called me to bless me out. I'm not as much worried about the account. DH can handle that. I specifically asked how do I move on/not let her fits bother me?

Anonymous wrote:"I don't think our financial situation or the accounts that DH, I or the both of us share is any of her business."

Agreed, and right back atcha for the accounts they have together being none of your business. If your husband really wants her off the account rather than making a new one, it's his issue to deal with.

OP here. I totally agree with you.

However, I didn't contact MIL about removing her name. DH did as he should have. She's the one who called me to bless me out over something that he chose to ask her about.

Because it was -- and still is -- her account. You may not be sucking on MIL teat, but you are apparently sucking on family business teat. Live with it. If she doesn't take money out of it, who cares if her name is nominally on it. Consider the gift tax implications if she just pulls her name off - that could be a lot of money.

"I don't think our financial situation or the accounts that DH, I or the both of us share is any of her business."

Agreed, and right back atcha for the accounts they have together being none of your business. If your husband really wants her off the account rather than making a new one, it's his issue to deal with.

Anonymous wrote:WTF. You guys can't open another account? Your major living expenses are paid for by an account your DH's mom funded when he was a minor? That's pathetic. Either set up a separate account for the earnings you both have now … or live with the fact that it is HIS AND HIS MOM'S MONEY - you are sucking at the MIL teat in that case - grow up and accept it.

No, we have more than one account. This particular account, however, has many drafts coming out/money coming in from a business. It's a large headache to move all of it to another account. Again, why does it matter if she's on it-- it's her name on it. She doesn't have a card linked to it (that she uses but I understand she *can* have one) and she doesn't check statements nor does she frequent the bank. Why should she stay on it?

WTF. You guys can't open another account? Your major living expenses are paid for by an account your DH's mom funded when he was a minor? That's pathetic. Either set up a separate account for the earnings you both have now … or live with the fact that it is HIS AND HIS MOM'S MONEY - you are sucking at the MIL teat in that case - grow up and accept it.

Last week, my DH contacted his mother to ask that she remove her name from an account that DH still uses that she started for him when he was a minor. My DH explained to his mother (even though an explanation wasn't needed) that DH and I are using the account together now and that he would be putting my name on the account once she took her name off. She is the primary account holder and she has to remove herself before DH can do anything. All she had to do was sign a form for this to take place. Instead of agreeing to take her name off, she picked up her phone and called me to yell at me/question me about why I need to be on this particular account.

When I spoke with MIL, I didn't explain anything to her. I don't think our financial situation or the accounts that DH, I or the both of us share is any of her business. I tried my best to calm her down and tell her that DH contacted her about this and that this was a mutual decision for him to contact her about it. She wasn't having it. This particular account is used solely by DH and I. MIL does not receive account statements nor does she withdrawal money from the account. I didn't see what the big deal was with her doing what her son asked of her but after replaying her words in my head, I now see the writing on the wall.

My DH is an only child. He was raised by is mother and she was divorced and single for most of his childhood. Since DH and I married, MIL has blatantly disrespected me and the upbringing that I come from. She has made remarks about the financial success of my parents and how that I must be a woman who expects the same (kept) life of my mother. My MIL is never 100% satisfied with the role I play as DH's wife or the mother of her grandchildren. She has something to say about everything! This entire situation of this account has nothing to do with the actual account but everything to do with the fact that this the very last thing that ties her to her son, something that I have yet to have as his wife.

Since DH has spoken to his mother, she has gotten more angry and refuses to speak to me (believe me when I say that my feelings are not hurt) however she has also turned on her family members who do talk to me. This evening, I had a meeting for work and DH's grandmother watched our children. I tried to call MIL yesterday to see if she would like to spend time with the children during this time but she refused to answer the phone and I wasn't willing to play an game of "chase" with an adult. When I got to DH's grandmothers home to pick up our children, I was informed that DH's grandmother is now in the dog house with her daughter (MIL) because she helped me with the children this evening.

This will go on for weeks and maybe even a month or two and then all of a sudden, she'll call me or show up at my work/house and act as if everything is okay. I let her brush her childish acts under the rug each and every time but am sick of it. I've been with DH over a decade and watched this play out time and time again. When is it okay for me to let her know how her childish fits truly make me feel and that I am not buying a ticket to her show any longer? I know that I can't change her and that even me telling her off won't make her change but this is ridiculous! DH has spoken to her but nothing changes. I don't want my DH to cut his mother off but I want her to act her age, be mature and respect me. And, I know many will chim in that DH needs to take up for me and he does but he can't change her either.