Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Op here, thanks all. My marital concerns is a totally different matter and I am in therapy (my own savings paying for it). I am not legal to work in the US.
This budget is not for food and clothes only, it's for my personal expenses, too. That's why it seems high.
H is doing his own grocery shopping, I think it's stupid but it's his idea and its easier for me.
H will have about 2k left after all payments but he claims he will be saving aggressively (he accuses me of not saving enough). Whatever. He has some pretty crazy ideas and the purpose is not clear to me.

But why?
It's not like we went broke and there is no other way.
I hope I am able to afford it.

Read your own post above and you will see why. Because your husband is problematic and you can't work here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks all. My marital concerns is a totally different matter and I am in therapy (my own savings paying for it). I am not legal to work in the US.
This budget is not for food and clothes only, it's for my personal expenses, too. That's why it seems high.
H is doing his own grocery shopping, I think it's stupid but it's his idea and its easier for me.
H will have about 2k left after all payments but he claims he will be saving aggressively (he accuses me of not saving enough). Whatever. He has some pretty crazy ideas and the purpose is not clear to me.

Even for personal expenses, that number is very generous for one adult and one preschooler (out of diapers, I assume?)

If you were smart, you could easily keep your food, toiletries and child's clothes (you really don't need to be shopping for many clothes for yourself, if any, since you are beyond the age of dirtying/wearing out the clothes and your child needs clothes for when they grow, not to stay in fashion) to around $700-900/month. Yes, even in Northern California.

Then save the rest. Hide it in your mattress, in your tampon drawer, in a savings account at the bank.

Marriage issues aside, your husband is right. You spend too much and don't save enough if you can't find a way to live on such a large amount of money.

Cut back on all that "me" stuff too. Clip your own toes, paint your own nails, get a hair cut every other month, not every few weeks. Go natural with your hair, so you aren't spending money on highlights, only gray touch ups if you have grays coming in. Kill the facial, that is a luxury and a treat, not a regular beauty routine. Step down from the high end beauty products/serums/creams/oils.

But why?
It's not like we went broke and there is no other way.
I hope I am able to afford it.

Why waste the money on pedicures and facials, when with that much of an allowance you can easily squirrel away several hundred a month, and build yourself a nice little emergency fund.

I would say this even if you had twice that amount coming in each month.

Fritter away the money on temporary things, or save some, still live well, but have something to protect yourself and your child with in the future. Smarten up lady. This allowance may actually be a blessing for you.

Think of it this way. Cut out the highlights, and you save $100 every 6 weeks ($867/year) and cut out the facials ($1600/year). Do your own pedicures ($693/year). Just from that easy change, you now have almost $3000 in savings for yourself each year. Cut your makeup/product budget by $75.00/month and you have another $900 each year. Now you are nearly at $4000 in savings.

Do this for a year or two and you now have options if things continue to go badly with your husband.

Isn't independence (be you married or divorced) rather than dependence worth cutting and painting your own toe nails?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks all. My marital concerns is a totally different matter and I am in therapy (my own savings paying for it). I am not legal to work in the US.
This budget is not for food and clothes only, it's for my personal expenses, too. That's why it seems high.
H is doing his own grocery shopping, I think it's stupid but it's his idea and its easier for me.
H will have about 2k left after all payments but he claims he will be saving aggressively (he accuses me of not saving enough). Whatever. He has some pretty crazy ideas and the purpose is not clear to me.

Even for personal expenses, that number is very generous for one adult and one preschooler (out of diapers, I assume?)

If you were smart, you could easily keep your food, toiletries and child's clothes (you really don't need to be shopping for many clothes for yourself, if any, since you are beyond the age of dirtying/wearing out the clothes and your child needs clothes for when they grow, not to stay in fashion) to around $700-900/month. Yes, even in Northern California.

Then save the rest. Hide it in your mattress, in your tampon drawer, in a savings account at the bank.

Marriage issues aside, your husband is right. You spend too much and don't save enough if you can't find a way to live on such a large amount of money.

Cut back on all that "me" stuff too. Clip your own toes, paint your own nails, get a hair cut every other month, not every few weeks. Go natural with your hair, so you aren't spending money on highlights, only gray touch ups if you have grays coming in. Kill the facial, that is a luxury and a treat, not a regular beauty routine. Step down from the high end beauty products/serums/creams/oils.

But why?
It's not like we went broke and there is no other way.
I hope I am able to afford it.

OP here- I am sure I will find a way to live on pretty much any amount, it's a matter of necessity.
I haven't tried working with this particular budget, just wanted to get a feel of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks all. My marital concerns is a totally different matter and I am in therapy (my own savings paying for it). I am not legal to work in the US.
This budget is not for food and clothes only, it's for my personal expenses, too. That's why it seems high.
H is doing his own grocery shopping, I think it's stupid but it's his idea and its easier for me.
H will have about 2k left after all payments but he claims he will be saving aggressively (he accuses me of not saving enough). Whatever. He has some pretty crazy ideas and the purpose is not clear to me.

Even for personal expenses, that number is very generous for one adult and one preschooler (out of diapers, I assume?)

If you were smart, you could easily keep your food, toiletries and child's clothes (you really don't need to be shopping for many clothes for yourself, if any, since you are beyond the age of dirtying/wearing out the clothes and your child needs clothes for when they grow, not to stay in fashion) to around $700-900/month. Yes, even in Northern California.

Then save the rest. Hide it in your mattress, in your tampon drawer, in a savings account at the bank.

Marriage issues aside, your husband is right. You spend too much and don't save enough if you can't find a way to live on such a large amount of money.

Cut back on all that "me" stuff too. Clip your own toes, paint your own nails, get a hair cut every other month, not every few weeks. Go natural with your hair, so you aren't spending money on highlights, only gray touch ups if you have grays coming in. Kill the facial, that is a luxury and a treat, not a regular beauty routine. Step down from the high end beauty products/serums/creams/oils.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks all. My marital concerns is a totally different matter and I am in therapy (my own savings paying for it). I am not legal to work in the US.
This budget is not for food and clothes only, it's for my personal expenses, too. That's why it seems high.
H is doing his own grocery shopping, I think it's stupid but it's his idea and its easier for me.
H will have about 2k left after all payments but he claims he will be saving aggressively (he accuses me of not saving enough). Whatever. He has some pretty crazy ideas and the purpose is not clear to me.

Even for personal expenses, that number is very generous for one adult and one preschooler (out of diapers, I assume?)

If you were smart, you could easily keep your food, toiletries and child's clothes (you really don't need to be shopping for many clothes for yourself, if any, since you are beyond the age of dirtying/wearing out the clothes and your child needs clothes for when they grow, not to stay in fashion) to around $700-900/month. Yes, even in Northern California.

Then save the rest. Hide it in your mattress, in your tampon drawer, in a savings account at the bank.

Marriage issues aside, your husband is right. You spend too much and don't save enough if you can't find a way to live on such a large amount of money.

Op here, thanks all. My marital concerns is a totally different matter and I am in therapy (my own savings paying for it). I am not legal to work in the US.
This budget is not for food and clothes only, it's for my personal expenses, too. That's why it seems high.
H is doing his own grocery shopping, I think it's stupid but it's his idea and its easier for me.
H will have about 2k left after all payments but he claims he will be saving aggressively (he accuses me of not saving enough). Whatever. He has some pretty crazy ideas and the purpose is not clear to me.

Aside from the marital issues, that seems like an exceptionally high budget, even for Northern California.

I have a family of five with three boys who eat everything in sight, and we don't spend $1200 in groceries and clothes for all of us each month.

I think you need to get a grip on wants vs needs.

$1200 for one adult and a preschooler should be ample money for you to spend and save at least $300-500/month, even in California.

I'm confused, are you separated?

Wait. Wait, wait. You're MARRIED to this man and he's giving you money for yourself and your kid for food? Does he do his own shopping?

I first thought this was an alimony arrangement, which would have been odd enough, but this is bizarre.

Get a part-time job, OP!

"Just wanted to run it by other people- does it seem fair (I know it is screwed up but is it fair, and will I be able to get by)?
I would hate to color my own hair and clip coupons"

Yes, your Majesty. You will be able to get by.

I think it would a little tight, but very doable. Whether it's "fair" is another matter. In my family, we can afford a little more than that. Other families can afford less. If your DH is spending $2K on himself then it's not reasonable at all. If he's making sacrifices so that you can have $1,200 then that's not fair either.

this can't be real.... you are supposed to get 1200 for you and your kid, but the majority of your listed concerns (asides from food) relate to your personal expenses.... not buying it.

Umm

I will spare you the details but due to long time marital disagreements (incl spending) my H decided to "give me an allowance" for myself and our preschooler in the amount of $1200 a month.

We live in one of the more expensive areas in CA so I think the COL is comparable to DC.

H pays for things like rent, utilities, insurance, etc. so this is for food (for the two of us), clothing, toys, books, birthday gifts, gas, and my "beauty budget". I would prefer to spend around $150 on the former- say, get a cut and color every 6 weeks ($150), facial every 6 weeks ($150), and pedicure every 3 weeks ($35-40) plus the creams and serums for daily use. I imagine I will spend an average of $100 on gifts, clothing, toys, and books (or maybe even closer to $50? We have approx one child birthday party a month to attend and say I buy myself a piece if clothing for $30).

Do you think I will be fine? I don't spend much on gas- maybe $60 a month.
I go to Costco every 3 weeks and spend around $250, farmers market weekly with $60-80, plus Safeway for small things (about $30-50/week). I do prefer organic when possible. We do takeout about once a week ($30).
My phone bill is $50.

I also have my own savings for emergencies, plus H agreed to help out with larger things like medical payments should the need arise.

Just wanted to run it by other people- does it seem fair (I know it is screwed up but is it fair, and will I be able to get by)?
I would hate to color my own hair and clip coupons