Anonymous
11/01/2013 09:44
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
The Alzheimers part sounds wacky but is actually true. I heard it on NPR Science Friday.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 20:42
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
Maybe if OP and her husband would try what this therapist is suggesting, it would reduce the tension in the household and, consequently, lessen the tension between husband and wife. It sure makes sense to me.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 20:31
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
Anonymous wrote:OP, this all sounds a little strange. If she'sa well known and well regarded professional, then you should put it to her and hear her answer. I can't see the value of whining about her to a bunch of others. Or, decide you're going to drop her and seek other names.
I don't see what is strange about this. Just because she is a known professional, doesnt mean she is a good fit for the OP. The OP is not sure whether to drop her because OP ikes some things about her, so she is seeking input.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 19:56
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
OP, this all sounds a little strange. If she'sa well known and well regarded professional, then you should put it to her and hear her answer. I can't see the value of whining about her to a bunch of others. Or, decide you're going to drop her and seek other names.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 19:45
Subject: Re:Has anyone used a couples therapist who
No. She is well known. Her name is often on this board.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 19:38
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
She sounds more like a life coach than a psychologist. Is she young or new to the field? I've found that people who are new to a field will be all about whatever they learned at the last conference they went to. After they get some experience they don't go crazy after every conference.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 18:25
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
Anonymous wrote:approached most everything from the standpoint of how things would work better for the family as a unit and the children, instead of focusing on what's bugging you about your spouse?
I mean, this therapist is well-known and respected. We like the therapist. But the therapist also specializes in children, and I think one of her personal things is to impose structure on just about everything. Quite often, we find ourselves being told what time to make sure our kids are in bed, what time WE should go to bed, what time I should come home from work, what activities we should do as a family. She even opined as to what time the dog should be walked so as to not interfere with family time.
I am actually open to some of these ideas. But my husband says he doesn't need anyone telling him when to get his kids to sleep and when he should sleep or for how long, etc.
I've a feeling the advice I am likely to get will be to go find another therapist. Which I am reluctant to do in that I think she may be onto something, and she has sort of indicated that no good will come of "getting into the weeds" of prior fights -- that will only make things worse, so it's best to just move forward as best we can...
I agree that she is onto something but she is also doing it wrong. Look for a therapist with a similar philosophy but more willing to listen.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 18:16
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
It sounds more like she wants to be a life coach!
Anonymous
10/30/2013 18:13
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
This sounds terrible. Not the fact that she focuses on practical stuff (schedule etc), I actually think that's good, but that she is basically telling you what to do. She needs to help you work out schedule that would fit your needs (how much sleep your family wants/needs, when do you want to walk your dog etc), not force her lifestyle on you. This is just so arrogant and patronizing, no wonder your husband is fed up.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 17:53
Subject: Re:Has anyone used a couples therapist who
You are correct. I'll stop.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 17:45
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
If you are going to ask for advice and then not take the advice but instead tell us what other things she is focusing on that you don't think is helping the situation than WHY still see her? I am confused.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 17:39
Subject: Re:Has anyone used a couples therapist who
She is like, really into it. She said she had just been to a seminar on sleep and if you don't get enough, your brain will not flush itself out and the cells will not rejuvenate and you at more at risk for Alzheimer's. And the kids will not learn as well at school. As for the dog, since I get home late from work, could the dog wait longer so I could spend more time with the kids. Wouldn't it be fun, every Friday night at around 6, to watch a movie with the whole family, and for dinner have only popcorn, apple slices, and cheese, and vodka tonics for the adults? "I think that's a great way to spend a Friday night! No cooking! A fun drink! Teach them about movies! It's like money in the bank!"
She is monitoring our workouts. Everything she thinks is important to wellness.
She is monitoring our workouts. Everything she thinks is important to wellness.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 16:21
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
I actually think there is some value in approaching marital problems from the perspective of what would make your family more harmonious, rather than just focusing on the faults you perceive in each other. It sounds like a more holistic approach that could work well in some situations. But it should be more on the overall dynamic rather than the details of your daily schedule. I would say something to the therapist--"I appreciate that you don't see a lot of value in rehashing past fights and think we should focus more on how to move forward as a family. I even think you are on to something there. But neither of us thinks you should be telling us when we should go to bed, how long we should sleep, when we should walk the dog, etc. I think it would be more productive to focus on the principles and issues and let us work out the details for ourselves."
Anonymous
10/30/2013 11:28
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
Why can't you just tell her this? Exactly how you told us, that she needs to spend less time on the kids/family part of it. Say you're considering switching but wanted to be honest, you're not getting what you wanted. If she agrees then you do another session - and it's still not working then switch. Give her a chance, explain your side.
Anonymous
10/30/2013 11:24
Subject: Has anyone used a couples therapist who
approached most everything from the standpoint of how things would work better for the family as a unit and the children, instead of focusing on what's bugging you about your spouse?
I mean, this therapist is well-known and respected. We like the therapist. But the therapist also specializes in children, and I think one of her personal things is to impose structure on just about everything. Quite often, we find ourselves being told what time to make sure our kids are in bed, what time WE should go to bed, what time I should come home from work, what activities we should do as a family. She even opined as to what time the dog should be walked so as to not interfere with family time.
I am actually open to some of these ideas. But my husband says he doesn't need anyone telling him when to get his kids to sleep and when he should sleep or for how long, etc.
I've a feeling the advice I am likely to get will be to go find another therapist. Which I am reluctant to do in that I think she may be onto something, and she has sort of indicated that no good will come of "getting into the weeds" of prior fights -- that will only make things worse, so it's best to just move forward as best we can...
I mean, this therapist is well-known and respected. We like the therapist. But the therapist also specializes in children, and I think one of her personal things is to impose structure on just about everything. Quite often, we find ourselves being told what time to make sure our kids are in bed, what time WE should go to bed, what time I should come home from work, what activities we should do as a family. She even opined as to what time the dog should be walked so as to not interfere with family time.
I am actually open to some of these ideas. But my husband says he doesn't need anyone telling him when to get his kids to sleep and when he should sleep or for how long, etc.
I've a feeling the advice I am likely to get will be to go find another therapist. Which I am reluctant to do in that I think she may be onto something, and she has sort of indicated that no good will come of "getting into the weeds" of prior fights -- that will only make things worse, so it's best to just move forward as best we can...