Anonymous
10/24/2013 22:26
Subject: I hate my mother
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement.
I've tried establishing healthy boundaries with my mother in the past. I've accepted that she will not change. Still, I let her get to me. I get angry and flustered and I'm hurting inside. Then I feel like the jackass. I should have been the smarter, stronger one. I don't want my emotions to be controlled by her actions. To the PPs who cut off their mothers, what was your process? How long did it take? How did you overcome any feelings of guilt, fear, remorse, etc?
I tried setting and maintaining boundaries for years. I tried confronting her. I tried ignoring her. I tried positive reinforcement for good behavior.
Then I had to have surgery for an ovarian mass and a biopsy. I told her 4 times about the surgery and she was so self-absorbed that she didn't hear it. When I finally got her to listen and hear it, she told me not to be such a baby. That was it. I hung up on her and refused to see her or talk to her again. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I snapped. I just couldn't deal with her and cancer, too.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 21:27
Subject: Re:I hate my mother
Count me as another one who feels an agonizing kind of sadness when I see a loving mother and daughter. I don't know how I am ever going to let it go. I didn't even realize until well into my own adult life that I missed much, much more than I realized.
Out of curiosity, OP and PPs...when you say "years of therapy," how many are we talking about? I know everyone's journey is unique, but damn, sometimes I feel like I will never make any progress.
Out of curiosity, OP and PPs...when you say "years of therapy," how many are we talking about? I know everyone's journey is unique, but damn, sometimes I feel like I will never make any progress.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 19:43
Subject: I hate my mother
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement.
I've tried establishing healthy boundaries with my mother in the past. I've accepted that she will not change. Still, I let her get to me. I get angry and flustered and I'm hurting inside. Then I feel like the jackass. I should have been the smarter, stronger one. I don't want my emotions to be controlled by her actions. To the PPs who cut off their mothers, what was your process? How long did it take? How did you overcome any feelings of guilt, fear, remorse, etc?
This is me, too. I'm in awe of the PP who doesn't feel sad seeing a loving mother and daughter. I'm not there yet.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 19:25
Subject: I hate my mother
Anonymous wrote:Years of therapy have helped me to overcome my shitty childhood and even feel some compassion for my mother, who was largely responsible for my shitty childhood. Yet, she continues to say and do hurtful things despite my efforts to maintain a civil, albeit, superficial relationship with her. I am DONE. She will never change. I don't want her near me or my family EVER.
Vent over.
Hugs.
Anonymous
10/24/2013 19:25
Subject: I hate my mother
after reading this, I vow to continue to try to be the best parent ever....fuck...this is terrible what you guys are saying (not that it is not justified), but the fact that parents can be so hurtful
Anonymous
10/23/2013 12:09
Subject: I hate my mother
This is OP. Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement.
I've tried establishing healthy boundaries with my mother in the past. I've accepted that she will not change. Still, I let her get to me. I get angry and flustered and I'm hurting inside. Then I feel like the jackass. I should have been the smarter, stronger one. I don't want my emotions to be controlled by her actions. To the PPs who cut off their mothers, what was your process? How long did it take? How did you overcome any feelings of guilt, fear, remorse, etc?
I've tried establishing healthy boundaries with my mother in the past. I've accepted that she will not change. Still, I let her get to me. I get angry and flustered and I'm hurting inside. Then I feel like the jackass. I should have been the smarter, stronger one. I don't want my emotions to be controlled by her actions. To the PPs who cut off their mothers, what was your process? How long did it take? How did you overcome any feelings of guilt, fear, remorse, etc?
Anonymous
10/23/2013 06:42
Subject: Re:I hate my mother
I stopped seeing my mother and then she died 2 years later. It was the smart decision, but hars. It was easier than having her in my lifw, though.
I tried to work around her but she was addicted and alcoholic and abusive.
I tried to work around her but she was addicted and alcoholic and abusive.
Anonymous
10/23/2013 06:23
Subject: I hate my mother
Anonymous wrote:OP : I offer this with humor not bitchy-ness:
get some of the money back from that therapy. You should have cut off that old hag years ago.
a short story as illustration:
I will spare you all the details of my horrible, life-distroying, physically and mentally abusive mother but suffice it to say she was all that and more.
When I was 5 months pregnant, my husband and I visited her (she lives far away). When we got home there was a horrible voice mail message on our phone. I teared up and my husband calmy told me that, he didn't want his son seeing his wife mistreated like that ever and in his opinion, I would be healthier if I kept her out of our lives.
That's the "permission" that I needed to give myself and so I cut her off 4 years ago. She has met neither of her grand children and only knows about #2 b/c somebody in our family told her.
Now, I feel like a horrible daughter on occasion but then remember my husbands words, look at my kids, and remember that I made the decision as much for them as for me.
Good luck, God bless and i hope you get peace on this soon.
I Heart Your Husband. I wish we could all have partners with this kind of calm, strong certainty. And you did the absolute best thing. It stopped with you. Is it possible to be proud of strangers? Apparently. Hats off to you. Its inspiring.
Anonymous
10/22/2013 15:07
Subject: I hate my mother
Yes, if she's continuing to be hurtful, she probably won't change. You don't deserve her hurtfulness. Don't, never did, never will. Best thing to do is to move on and take care of yourself and your family. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace and happiness.
Anonymous
10/22/2013 15:02
Subject: I hate my mother
Anonymous wrote:OP : I offer this with humor not bitchy-ness:
get some of the money back from that therapy. You should have cut off that old hag years ago.
a short story as illustration:
I will spare you all the details of my horrible, life-distroying, physically and mentally abusive mother but suffice it to say she was all that and more.
When I was 5 months pregnant, my husband and I visited her (she lives far away). When we got home there was a horrible voice mail message on our phone. I teared up and my husband calmy told me that, he didn't want his son seeing his wife mistreated like that ever and in his opinion, I would be healthier if I kept her out of our lives.
That's the "permission" that I needed to give myself and so I cut her off 4 years ago. She has met neither of her grand children and only knows about #2 b/c somebody in our family told her.
Now, I feel like a horrible daughter on occasion but then remember my husbands words, look at my kids, and remember that I made the decision as much for them as for me.
Good luck, God bless and i hope you get peace on this soon.
Totally, agree PP. My mental health also changed significantly when I allowed myself to be honest by realizing that I was born to and was raised by a horrible mother that never loved me, was incapable of loving me, and will never love me. I'm fine with saying and understanding this now. The breaking point for me was when she attempted to treat my children shitty by extension. I cut her off over ten years ago and within that time I stopped feeling like a bad daughter, even occasionally. I can also appreciate it when I see a loving mother and daughter together without feeling sad.
Also, it was helpful that I found a therapist who supported me and didn't try to convince me over and over again that I was wrong by telling me that, "your mother loves you." Believing this caused me to feel depressed for many years of my life, I thought, I was damaged and unworthy.
OP, I too wish you peace, freedom, and lots of love believe that you deserve it.
Anonymous
10/22/2013 14:26
Subject: I hate my mother
OP : I offer this with humor not bitchy-ness:
get some of the money back from that therapy. You should have cut off that old hag years ago.
a short story as illustration:
I will spare you all the details of my horrible, life-distroying, physically and mentally abusive mother but suffice it to say she was all that and more.
When I was 5 months pregnant, my husband and I visited her (she lives far away). When we got home there was a horrible voice mail message on our phone. I teared up and my husband calmy told me that, he didn't want his son seeing his wife mistreated like that ever and in his opinion, I would be healthier if I kept her out of our lives.
That's the "permission" that I needed to give myself and so I cut her off 4 years ago. She has met neither of her grand children and only knows about #2 b/c somebody in our family told her.
Now, I feel like a horrible daughter on occasion but then remember my husbands words, look at my kids, and remember that I made the decision as much for them as for me.
Good luck, God bless and i hope you get peace on this soon.
get some of the money back from that therapy. You should have cut off that old hag years ago.
a short story as illustration:
I will spare you all the details of my horrible, life-distroying, physically and mentally abusive mother but suffice it to say she was all that and more.
When I was 5 months pregnant, my husband and I visited her (she lives far away). When we got home there was a horrible voice mail message on our phone. I teared up and my husband calmy told me that, he didn't want his son seeing his wife mistreated like that ever and in his opinion, I would be healthier if I kept her out of our lives.
That's the "permission" that I needed to give myself and so I cut her off 4 years ago. She has met neither of her grand children and only knows about #2 b/c somebody in our family told her.
Now, I feel like a horrible daughter on occasion but then remember my husbands words, look at my kids, and remember that I made the decision as much for them as for me.
Good luck, God bless and i hope you get peace on this soon.
Anonymous
10/22/2013 14:20
Subject: Re:I hate my mother
I feel for you, OP. Glad you're moving on but you really need to try and let go of strong emotions. I'm not saying your mother isn't a bitched that fucked up your life but holding on to such negative emotions isn't good for you and doesn't change anything. Leave her and those feelings behind. Here's to your hapyp future!
Anonymous
10/22/2013 10:04
Subject: I hate my mother
Years of therapy taught me the only person I could change was myself, and my reaction to my mother. She will never change. Stop expecting your mother to be who she will never be, OP.
Anonymous
10/22/2013 09:55
Subject: I hate my mother
I sympathize, OP.
Anonymous
10/22/2013 09:54
Subject: I hate my mother
Years of therapy have helped me to overcome my shitty childhood and even feel some compassion for my mother, who was largely responsible for my shitty childhood. Yet, she continues to say and do hurtful things despite my efforts to maintain a civil, albeit, superficial relationship with her. I am DONE. She will never change. I don't want her near me or my family EVER.
Vent over.
Vent over.