I'm a little confused why you're calling this person your friend when you're her boss, but just focus on accurately recording her time. Let her know that you understand she's not feeling well, we'll just need to use sick time to account for the time she's missing in the office - eventually she'll run out of sick leave or she'll realize that she wants to save some of that up for her maternity leave and she'll start being on time again.

When she slips up on things other than tardiness, address them directly without judging it in context of her pregnancy. Not discriminating means just that - evaluate the quality of her work based on merits, not friendship. If she forgets an assignment, misses a deadline - discuss that with her, not her morning sickness.

Thanks to those who have been helpful! I appreciate it. To answer some questions:

- I don't think she's planning to leave after the baby. Her family needs the money, and she generally likes the work and realizes the sweet deal she has.

- She isn't having a complicated pregnancy, other than the sickness. I only know this because she has told me every detail of the pregnancy thus far (she's very early, like 8 or 9 weeks, but I have known for a few weeks already).

I do need to sit down with her and just manage expectations. She can be moody and to be honest, I don't want to piss her off right now as I barely have the bandwidth to keep my own work and doc appointments going, much less hers.

To the pp who suggested I frame it as needing to be sure things are as prepared as they can be for MY leave, vs putting it on her - that's a great suggestion (and largely true). Thanks to those who understand the resentment/frustration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a manager that will take action if necessary.

I'm her manager.

Then you need to actually manage her and set up some very clear expectations re. work hours and productivity while you are out on leave and leading up to it (which is now). Schedule a meeting, sit down with her and lay down the ground rules. Stop being the wussy friend/manager - it's not doing either of you any favors. Be her manager in the office, and her friend outside of it.

is she using her vacation time when she's not at work? if she's working from home, is she actually productive? once she maxes out on her vacation time, suggest that she takes leave with out pay.

you can keep it professional and leave out any personal feelings you have towards her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a manager that will take action if necessary.

I'm her manager.

It's illegal to enter in incorrect hours on the timesheet and it can cause her to be fired. My major concern would be that after she leaves to have the baby her performance may slide even more.

OP, it's possible that her morning sickness (like many people's) will abate after 12/13 weeks (that was the point at which I could start taking the metro again without feeling ill). In the meantime, given how advanced YOUR pregnancy is, I don't think it would be out of place to tell her that you need her in the office for X hours per day because you'll be starting your leave soon and it's important that everyone be up to speed.

I get that you're resentful that she is missing a lot of work, and I agree with you that she has a very sweet deal right now. I would frame the whole thing as getting your ducks in a row for YOUR leave and assuming that she will be around to shoulder the load.

Is she having trouble with the pregnancy? If its very early, she could be going in for ultrasounds, if there is bleeding then she is on to high risk OB to look for hematoma, etc. if she has other health problems they may also be exacerbated by pregnancy.

On the other hand, she may just not really care bc she is planning to leave after birth anyways. I would sit down with her (make it a meeting instead of just dropping by her desk) and have a serious talk.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what she's supposed to do if she is puking in the morning. I had bad morning sickness throughout my first trimester. I normally took the subway into work, but after having to get off at a stop and puke in the garbage can, I had to drive. Not safe to drive when you feel like any movement is going to make you throw up. Luckily, my boss was very understanding and all I had to do was send a "having a difficult morning. Will be however many minutes late".

You sound like a bitch. No other way around it. Sorry she's not as amazing as the MANY other people you know who sucked it up and just puked all day at work.

She's not actually puking. What you're referring to is what I mean that I've seen in others - who still came to work.

I don't understand what she's supposed to do if she is puking in the morning. I had bad morning sickness throughout my first trimester. I normally took the subway into work, but after having to get off at a stop and puke in the garbage can, I had to drive. Not safe to drive when you feel like any movement is going to make you throw up. Luckily, my boss was very understanding and all I had to do was send a "having a difficult morning. Will be however many minutes late".

You sound like a bitch. No other way around it. Sorry she's not as amazing as the MANY other people you know who sucked it up and just puked all day at work.

"And of course I'll cover for her when her baby comes and she's on leave. It just feels like she is taking advantage. And I do sympathize, but something feels like she's taking advantage. "

And she'll keep on taking advantage after the baby comes.

Time for you to stop being a doormat and a friend and start being a BOSS.

Anonymous wrote:She has a manager that will take action if necessary.

I'm her manager.

She has a manager that will take action if necessary.

Anonymous wrote:Look, you didn't have bad morning sickness. You didn't have to deal with what she deal with, so you didn't have anything to suck up. Believe it or not, it really, really sucks to have bad morning sickness. Lucky you. But that doesn't mean your co-worker should have to ACT JUST LIKE YOU.

Why don't you cover for her now, so she can cover for you while you are out.

Stop being a bitch.

Ok, that's a little harsh. I know MANY people who have had bad morning sickness and I know it's awful. Much worse than hers - puking all day at work etc. The point is that other places I've worked, a day off a week and hours late many days wouldn't fly. And of course I'll cover for her when her baby comes and she's on leave. It just feels like she is taking advantage. And I do sympathize, but something feels like she's taking advantage.

Look, you didn't have bad morning sickness. You didn't have to deal with what she deal with, so you didn't have anything to suck up. Believe it or not, it really, really sucks to have bad morning sickness. Lucky you. But that doesn't mean your co-worker should have to ACT JUST LIKE YOU.

Why don't you cover for her now, so she can cover for you while you are out.

Stop being a bitch.

Hi - I'm 37 weeks pregnant and about to go on maternity leave. I work in a VERY small office (4 people, plus a bunch of contractors). My closest co-worker, who works for me but who I also consider a friend, is also pregnant, very early. Although I have a toddler also, my pregnancy seems to have been easier than hers - limited morning sickness, etc. For what it's worth, she does consider herself a 'wuss' when it comes to sickness etc.

Our office is extremely flexible. Telecommuting once a week, flexible hours, etc. Relatively low pay. Since she found out she was pregnant, she has been out / late an extreme amount. I'd say she's taken a day off every week and come in late at least half the time she's there (she does tell me that morning that she will be late - doesn't just show up late). Because I'll need her to cover a lot of things for me while I'm out, I feel like I have no recourse to say anything. I NEED her to stay and be as productive as she can be. Perhaps it is partially my fault for being so flexible, talking to her as a friend rather than as a subordinate, etc - but part of me wants to be like, "are you kidding? You'd never be able to do this in another office. Suck it up like everyone else on earth, get some Zofran if you need it, and work (your very easy hours which end at 4pm anyway). That's what I've been doing."

I do take time off too - for appointments etc - but I always respond immediately to emails and never just say "I'm not feeling well, will be in late." As I said, I need her to be proactive during my leave, but there's no way to know if this is in preparation for that (ie she can slack while I'm still there). I definitely can't piss her off at this point, but I'm frustrated.

Thoughts appreciated!