...Not at all...

Not all all. She's kind of toxic.

My dad and I were very close, though. We talked about almost everything.

No, wish I were, though. I hoped we could be friends when I left home, and tried for years to make that happen. Even though she's not violent toward me any more, she's found other ways to be destructive. My mother doesn't enjoy life unless she's hurting people.

No, I wouldn't say friends. She isn't a person I go to when I have a problem. My sister fills that role.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, not close. Similar dynamic to the one you describe. I actually don't really have a desire for it to change though.

+1

+2. I'm not worried about my relationship with my daughter being the same.

Anonymous wrote:No, not close. Similar dynamic to the one you describe. I actually don't really have a desire for it to change though.

+1

No, not close. Similar dynamic to the one you describe. I actually don't really have a desire for it to change though.

Anonymous wrote:Although my mom and I fought a lot during the high school years, I am very close to her now and talk to her every day. She is the first person I confide anything to.

This is like my relationship with my mom. She's getting up in years now though, and I value every day I have/ time I spend with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

At this point, there's probably not much I can do about the relationship with my own mother but quite frankly, I'm terrified that I'll end up having the same issues with my daughter.

Children learn what they live. You need to model closeness with your mom if you want closeness with your daughter. Make an effort to change your relationship with your mother and your daughter will see this behavior as the norm.

This isn't necessarily true. My mother and grandmother have a terrible relationship, but my mom and I are very close. My mom spent a lot of time in therapy working through her issues and I think that helped her break family patterns. You can be a different mother to your daughter than you're mother was to you.

NP here. I'm so glad to hear this. I'm also not close with my mom at all and fear that I won't be able to be close with my kids because of this. I have 2 boys so I was hoping that the fact that it's not a mother-daughter relationship would help. As for my own mom, I actually dread talking to her. Although I have fond memories of my early years, as we got oldr she became an increasingly angry and depressed person. She criticices me a lot and shows zero interest in my kids. She is a terrible conversationalist and on top of that is not a warm person.

Anonymous wrote:

At this point, there's probably not much I can do about the relationship with my own mother but quite frankly, I'm terrified that I'll end up having the same issues with my daughter.

Children learn what they live. You need to model closeness with your mom if you want closeness with your daughter. Make an effort to change your relationship with your mother and your daughter will see this behavior as the norm.

This isn't necessarily true. My mother and grandmother have a terrible relationship, but my mom and I are very close. My mom spent a lot of time in therapy working through her issues and I think that helped her break family patterns. You can be a different mother to your daughter than you're mother was to you.

No, I am not. She usually just talks and talks about things that she saw on TV or social stuff that she did, and I say "how interesting!" I share little with her because she overreacts to things or just gossips about them. However, even though we are not friends, I have a good opinion of her in many ways because she is so kind to and generous with my son.

Although my mom and I were fought a lot during the high school years, I am very close to her now and talk to her every day. She is the first person I confide anything to.

No. I haven't talked to her since I was in high school. I very much hope to have a different relationship with my own daughter.

At this point, there's probably not much I can do about the relationship with my own mother but quite frankly, I'm terrified that I'll end up having the same issues with my daughter.

Children learn what they live. You need to model closeness with your mom if you want closeness with your daughter. Make an effort to change your relationship with your mother and your daughter will see this behavior as the norm.

So many of the women I know have the kind of close relationship with their mothers where they talk all the time and tell each other everything. I love my mom, respect her, and think she was a great mother, but she is not my friend. We talk no more than once every 2-3 weeks and see each other face to face maybe 2-3 times a year (my parents live 500+ miles away). When we do talk, it's generally about superficial things and I don't confide in her. For example, my husband and I went through many years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF, but my mother has no idea. To be honest, I don't look forward to our conversations--maybe because they make me I feel like I'm 13 years old again, although I couldn't say why I feel this way. She's a pretty reserved person (I am too) and religious (I am not) but I'm not sure how much that has to do with the problem.

Does anyone else feel this way about their mom? Any theories about why you aren't close? If you and your mom do have a close relationship, were you always this way? At this point, there's probably not much I can do about the relationship with my own mother but quite frankly, I'm terrified that I'll end up having the same issues with my daughter.