OP, I have a heroin addicted little brother. It's really hard. All I can say is that you do need to have boundaries. Don't engage. Don't give money. Just do what you can to love her as she is.

Yes you are not alone - I have 2 brothers who are recovering alcoholics - mom is/was one and many other family members. All the comments about boundaries are very valid. I also agree that Al Anon can be helpful in times like yours.

Me too, OP. You are not alone. She tells me how we should be taking care of our aging parent (both sibling and parent in same state, we are hundreds of miles away); after sibling took all of that parents money!

I don't engage. I'm not a professional.

I will not take a call from my sister after 5pm, if I make a mistake its horrible because she rages for hours. She is wealthy,socially connected, devoted husband, and has loads of friends, I often wonder if they see this side....

Anonymous wrote:Save her voicemails.

Why

Anonymous wrote:Just need to vent about my sister who lives in another state and who called my voicemail 10 times last night drunk raging about what a horrible person I am, my husband is, and how my children are spoiled brats (one is a baby and the other is 4). I am worried that she seems to be off the rails again, but she will never acknowledge her drinking in any way. She has no relationship with her own grown daughter due to her abusive behavior when drinking, (which is apparently my fault). I just get so tired of dealing with her alcoholism and wish that I could have a sister instead of a train wreck.

Yes and mine is bipolar too.
She has been charged with several DUIs and I worry for her.
She has lost all of her friends by making threatening phone calls.
I am tired of her.

She loves to drink and drive.

Anonymous wrote:I do, and she sucks. I have to enforce pretty clear boundaries to avoid getting pulled into her BS. I hope someday she'll get better (she's already getting "help"--intermittently) and we can have a real relationship. She was offended when I told her that. I'm also just tired of dealing with her, and mostly choose not to. Sorry you're going through this with your sister.

Same here. I come from a long line of mean drunks (and other substances). You MUST have clear boundaries. I know how difficult it is because you grew up with this person and you love them. But, this isn't about love. This is about healthy relationships and as long as your sister has this problem and subjects you to unhealthy behavior, you have to draw the line. If nothing else, you don't want your kids to think this kind of behavior is acceptable, that it should be tolerated or accommodated in any way. This is the unhealthy dynamic in my family - appeasement and toleration. It sets the stage for them to accept that behavior in their friends and love interests.

Sorry you have to go through this.

I also have an alcoholic brother. He doesn't call me because our relationship was destroyed as kids by our abusive parents, but I worry about him.

Have you ever checked out Al-Anon, OP? I have been going for about 6 months and have really found it a supportive and peaceful group of people. You are definitely not alone in this situation.

Save her voicemails.

me. Good luck OP, boundaries are important. However it is easier said than done. I also know that feeling in the pit of your stomach and the havoc is reeks on your life. There are very few resources for siblings... good luck to you. Get some individual counseling if you have to.

So sorry OP. I have friends with alcoholic siblings so I hear about this kind of thing. Its so awful. People on the outside have a very hard time understanding why the alcoholic sibling isnt just cut off entirely. I can imagine the instinct to keep a lifeline open >just in case< is so strong it keeps people in the position of trying to figure out how to do that AND live with it AND function normally in ones own life.

There must be an online forum for people specifically in your situation. Maybe they have stories of how they set boundaries as mentioned by 11:17.

I also dated a guy whose mom was an alcoholic, and I saw first hand how many resources of mind and soul were devoted by all members of the family to deal with it all. We know statistics on addiction, but its hard to count the toll on everyone around the addict and the reverberations it has through the generations.

I hope you can find some good support and suggestions out there. All I can offer is: go do something nice for yourself today!

I'm sorry OP. I have an alcoholic father and a drug addict brother. I am all too familiar with these kinds of dynamics. It is one of my life challenges to learn how to set and manage boundaries that protect me and my nuclear family from the rampant dysfunction in the extended family.

Good luck.

I do, and she sucks. I have to enforce pretty clear boundaries to avoid getting pulled into her BS. I hope someday she'll get better (she's already getting "help"--intermittently) and we can have a real relationship. She was offended when I told her that. I'm also just tired of dealing with her, and mostly choose not to. Sorry you're going through this with your sister.

I do, but like you my sibling lives far away. He only ever went on a drunken calling spree once and he wasn't offensive, just on a horrifying bender. My cousin flew to be with him. Dh's sister just gott out of rehab so we got that going on too. I'm sorry you're going through this and that I have no advice.

Just need to vent about my sister who lives in another state and who called my voicemail 10 times last night drunk raging about what a horrible person I am, my husband is, and how my children are spoiled brats (one is a baby and the other is 4). I am worried that she seems to be off the rails again, but she will never acknowledge her drinking in any way. She has no relationship with her own grown daughter due to her abusive behavior when drinking, (which is apparently my fault). I just get so tired of dealing with her alcoholism and wish that I could have a sister instead of a train wreck.