i'm inclined to think it's a difference in degree, not in kind, and neither one is okay in my house. that's not to say i don't occasionally break my own rule. but still - we don't raise our voices in anger or frustration. it's how i was raised, i guess, and i can't stand yellers. i just can't take seriously anyone who raises their voice with me, never have. and i don't do it when i want to be taken seriously.

I probably raise my voice daily. I very rarely yell. I have never yelled at my 18 minth old and I have yelled at my 3.5 year old probably 3 times in the first six months after #2 was born (and I was having trouble adjusting and a little out of control) and maybe two or three times since then.

If I yell, that means I've lost control. And it's more about me than dealing effectively with the situation at hand.

Raising my voice is controlled and actually works because it's just part of what I'm doing.

If I yell, my son gets a horrible look of shame and sadness on his face. If I just raise my voice, he's OK.

Yelling is hurtful.
Raising my voice is effective.

Yelling makes me feel awful afterward.
Raising my voice makes me feel nothing in particular.

I only yell once or twice a year, but it's still too much.

Anonymous wrote:For me, yelling is when I've lost any shred of patience and I'm venting and letting off steam. I yell like an Italian even though I'm Jewish - I yell it out and then I'm over it.

Raising my voice is what I do to be heard, to get DD's attention.

Lowering your voice is actually a much more effective way to get a child's attention.

Anonymous wrote:Raising my voice is intentional -- I want to be sure that my kid heard me and understood that I am serious. Yelling means I'm angry and starting to lose control.

+1
I raise my voice maybe once a day. "Hurry up and get in the car or we're going to be late for school!" Yelling? Maybe... once a month... maybe. My DD is usually really easy going and well behaved so it's not often I have to yell but occasionally she'll pull some bullshit like thrash around in the tub while I'm rinsing her hair, thus almost busting her face open on the edge, and I get pissed.

Anonymous wrote:For me, yelling is when I've lost any shred of patience and I'm venting and letting off steam. I yell like an Italian even though I'm Jewish - I yell it out and then I'm over it.

Raising my voice is what I do to be heard, to get DD's attention.

Yep, me too.

Raising my voice is intentional -- I want to be sure that my kid heard me and understood that I am serious. Yelling means I'm angry and starting to lose control.

Raising of my voice and speaking in a firm manner like: "Stop playing with the blinds! Do not chase the cat! Get off your brother's head!" I do that, oh, 20 times a day. It's always one phrase that needs to be immediately obeyed, and then I resume my normal speaking tone. It works for my boys.

Yelling is accompanied, in my case, by a red face, a feeling of exasperation, and is only slightly within the boundary of having control of my emotions. And it's not just one quick imperative sentence, but a whole paragraph of words that probably go in the kid's ear and right out the other. It is not effective. And happens maybe once a month.

I raise my voice probably every day, but to me that is simply attention-getting, and usually without heat, or with some slight exasperation. F/e: I said stop asking for Caillou.

When I yell, it usually means I have either lost my temper, or it's going. Working on that, never once happened when I only had 1 child...now with #2, I've yelled at older DC probably 3-4 times since baby has been born 6 months ago. No name calling/swearing, but definitely yelling. F/e: I said hold still! You just smeared poop all over you, me, and the changing area! Arg! *leaves room to cool down*.

Like I said, I'm working on it. I never yell at DH. And sometimes I yell without loosing my temper if danger is imminent.

For me, yelling is when I've lost any shred of patience and I'm venting and letting off steam. I yell like an Italian even though I'm Jewish - I yell it out and then I'm over it.

Raising my voice is what I do to be heard, to get DD's attention.

What would you say the difference is and how often do you raise your voice with your kids?