I am glad that schools are doing a better job of watching out for and stopping bullying. An earlier post mentioned that, "Bullying is not just an occasion[al] unkind word between children." I've seen some situations where the occasional unkind word or action was called bullying by a teacher, which trivializes true bullying and could result in people taking bullying less seriously in the future.

We have also seen the tiny, cute, mean girl in action. It's amazing how many people think a cute little girl cannot possibly be cruel to another child!

OP, the advice to be proactive and speak to the principal and teacher in advance is the best way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to predict how things will be at one school over another because there is so much variability. I've had two of my children go through bullying situations and the situations were so different from each other. What worked in one situation didn't even apply in the other. Best wishes to you and your child!

Anonymous wrote:There's "schoolyard teasing" and there's "junior psychopath behavior." Behavior that can handle one won't work with the other.

I'd hope we can all recognize the difference. In the past, the danger was trying to pass off the latter as the former.

Maybe the key is distinguishing between schools where bullying is taken seriously and schools where the administrators go through the motions, and say all the right things, but still tolerate bullying.

Most kids are pretty smart, at least socially. They can size up adults who treat anti-bullying like a fire drill, but otherwise lavish attention and praise on the cute, mean girls and the boys who are good athletes but like to beat up awkward kids. Face it, some teachers and administrators were the bullies when they were kids. They may have matured in some ways, but some still have a keen sense of the "in crowd" and treat kids who are bullied as nuisances.

There's "schoolyard teasing" and there's "junior psychopath behavior." Behavior that can handle one won't work with the other.

I'd hope we can all recognize the difference. In the past, the danger was trying to pass off the latter as the former.

Anonymous wrote:It is a lot easier to handle the bullies if your son can operate under the "never let them see you sweat". That doesn't mean that you drop the issue with the school. But, he is his most effective advocate.

Now there's a well thought out response "never let them see you sweat". Take a deep breath and slowly move away from your television set. This is real life!!!! This isn't a Right Guard television commercial and our team isn't down two points with seven seconds left in the game. This is about a small child who has been bullied and his parents want to be proactive. There are adults who breakdown and cry in the workplace because of mistreatment and your solution is to tell a nine year old to "never let them see you sweat".

Wake up!!!

SUSTAINED BULLYING IS A CRIME!!!

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely do not condone bullying. However, it is sometimes in the eye of the beholder. Not only should the bullies be taught appropriate behavior, but you must work with your son on how to handle it himself when possible.

Well ... that was helpful. What are your suggestions? Perhaps he could hit another kid in the head with a brick or would you rather have him jump off a tower rather than informing the principal?

How can you be so stupid? If a kid could handle it themselves they wouldn't be getting bullied.

Bullying is not just an occasion unkind word between children. Bullying consists of sustained assaults over lengthy periods of time. Today group bullying has become very common. Please explain to us exactly how a nine year old can "handle it himself" when he has it coming after him from all directions all day long. Maybe we should put you in an environment where you get slapped around randomly for a few days by about ten or twelve people and then you can report back to us how you successfully handled it yourself.

It is a lot easier to handle the bullies if your son can operate under the "never let them see you sweat". That doesn't mean that you drop the issue with the school. But, he is his most effective advocate.

I absolutely do not condone bullying. However, it is sometimes in the eye of the beholder. Not only should the bullies be taught appropriate behavior, but you must work with your son on how to handle it himself when possible.

Anonymous wrote:Woodson lately is known as a bit of a pressure cooker and it's suicides. Not sure about the elementary schools, but they are either overly cautious now or there are still problems. I'd check with the high school on this and then the elementary school in the neighborhood you're considering.

This is kind of incoherent. There have been several suicides at Woodson in recent years, but I don't think there was any suggestion it was due to kids at the school bullying one another. If there was any bulling at issue, it was the behavior of the FCPS administrators in enforcing a zero-tolerance policy against students charged with minor drug offenses.

Anonymous wrote:We moved our DC to a different ES in FCPS because of bullying. However, you can't predict what will happen at any school. Our other DC had a great cohort grade at the same school, just two years later. It depends on the personalities of the stduents inthe particualr grade at your DC's school and even then it can fluctate from year to year as students move in and out. If you are particularly concerned about your child, bring it up wit the Principal or AP when you go on your tour of the ESs you are investigating.

I totally agree, it can happen or not happen anywhere depending on the particular group of students. When you arrive at the school inform the principals of your concerns. Your concerns are perfectly valid. You have a quirky kid who probably thinks outside the box. Quirky kids get bullied more so than what I'll call mainstream kids for the lack of a better word.

Principals know that bullying can occur and they want to be informed in advance where situations of bullying may arise. If educator are aware of potential situations they can redirect some of your child's quirky behaviors into more favorable classes or groups. Or be a bit more vigilant about cruel speech or ostracizing behaviors towards your child. The administrators are your friends and they care about every student in the school, but they can't help you unless they are aware of potential situations. It's far better to share your concerns on day one rather than trying to correct something months into the situation.

We moved our DC to a different ES in FCPS because of bullying. However, you can't predict what will happen at any school. Our other DC had a great cohort grade at the same school, just two years later. It depends on the personalities of the stduents inthe particualr grade at your DC's school and even then it can fluctate from year to year as students move in and out. If you are particularly concerned about your child, bring it up wit the Principal or AP when you go on your tour of the ESs you are investigating.

Woodson lately is known as a bit of a pressure cooker and it's suicides. Not sure about the elementary schools, but they are either overly cautious now or there are still problems. I'd check with the high school on this and then the elementary school in the neighborhood you're considering.

We are not in that pyramid, but we have seen virtually no bullying in our fc elementary schools (one base, one center). Any bullying that occurs is dealt with swiftly by the schools.

There was one incident in my older child's class involving a different kid (the kind of kid that gets picked on regularly).

My child brought it to my attention; I brought it to his teacher's attention. The teachers and counselors all got on board, and worked with the students as a whole on proper treatment of others and also with the bullied kid on strategies to make friends, stand up for himself, etc.

According to my child, the bullying stopped the week it was brought to the attention of the staff. By the end of the year, the kids who were bullying the child became friends with this child (in most of the cases). The ones who were genuinely annoyed by the bullied kid's quirks stopped bullying and were passively kind and polite to him.

My kid and I just had a conversation about bullying on the way to school this morning.

This year, my kid said there is no bullying occurring with any of his classes as far as he can tell. He said the staff works really hard to make sure the kids are kind and that they all feel like part of the school. He said the kid who was bullied last year has friends this year and is not bullied at all. I was nervous because of the grade (one of the prime bullying grades), but I think the school and the parents do a good job looking out and intercepting any bullying.

Op: it has happened a bit at his current private so , yes, I worry and want to make sure we pick a responsive school.

You anticipate your son being bullied?

Hi we're moving to Fairfax mid year and I need to get some advice. We have a 3rd grade son who is very bright, a bit quirky. We are looking at elementary schools that feed into Woodson high. Are there elementary schools that feed in to that hs that are great, very responsive about bullying? Any to avoid? Any advice would be great.
Thanks so much