Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See, I prefer people say nothing. Would you say something to the parents of a typical kid? If not, why are you saying something to me? If so, say to me what you would say to them.

Interesting. I like the "You are doing a great job." I guess I sort of likes pats on the back! One time a ped. told me that and I nearly broke down with gratitude in her office.

How does the person saying it really know you are doing a great job? I can see it being meaningful if it comes from someone close to you who has seen you day in and day out and knows how hard you work and is saying it with meaning.

Sometimes I see people on here even write that - you are such a great mom or similar. There is no way to know that from a couple posts - but people say it because they think it is encouraging or supportive, even if they don't know it to be true. Those kind of platitudes are meaningless but they are just part of how we talk.

When I hear someone say something like that i assume it is more about them. They need to make other people feel better or at least think they are making other people feel better. They are often people pleasers, trying to say something they think you want to hear.

The reality is that most people, moms and dads, are just doing the best they can, great or not.

Anonymous wrote:See, I prefer people say nothing. Would you say something to the parents of a typical kid? If not, why are you saying something to me? If so, say to me what you would say to them.

Interesting. I like the "You are doing a great job." I guess I sort of likes pats on the back! One time a ped. told me that and I nearly broke down with gratitude in her office.

See, I prefer people say nothing. Would you say something to the parents of a typical kid? If not, why are you saying something to me? If so, say to me what you would say to them.

Anonymous wrote:NP here: could someone please give me a script, then? Seriously, if I want to support someone, or express empathy, or sympathy, or whatever, what would you like to hear?

Sure. Instead, say something like: "You're doing a great job." "You're doing well." "You're doing really well." "_____ [insert child's name] is really thriving."

This compliments the mom's actions and says that the results are really showing for themselves. But it doesn't make her feel like she is super-human b/c her child is such a bizarre weirdo that you'd have to be a saint to work with this child.

Anonymous wrote:I agree. It's always akward, but I feel so worn down sometimes, I'll take pick-me-ups where I can get them. I do understand the sentiment expressed in the blog, though.

I'm not a SN mom and I get thank yous and "your a great mom" for reading to my kids in public (like doctors office, airplane) to keep them engaged and behaved. I like it, although in the back of my head I'm saying "glad they didn't see me 2 hrs ago when I gave them iPads so I could have 10 minutes if silence."

NP here: could someone please give me a script, then? Seriously, if I want to support someone, or express empathy, or sympathy, or whatever, what would you like to hear?

I agree. It's always akward, but I feel so worn down sometimes, I'll take pick-me-ups where I can get them. I do understand the sentiment expressed in the blog, though.

I think people generally mean well and are trying to be supportive and kind, as awkward and insensitive as they may seem.

Anonymous wrote:http://www.lovethatmax.com/2013/09/im-not-great-parent-just-because-i-have.html

This hits the nail on the head for me.

That was great and exactly what I was feeling this morning.

That was such a great blog post. Thank you so much for sharing!

I totally get what you mean. DS dev ped told me I was up for Mom of the Year. What other choice so I have bet to get him the best therapist and doctors I can find?

http://www.lovethatmax.com/2013/09/im-not-great-parent-just-because-i-have.html

This hits the nail on the head for me.

I hate crap like this. "You're so strong." Really? Why? Because I haven't abandoned my family or killed myself? What choice do I have but to do what needs to be done? I'm not strong, I'm stuck! No choice but keep on keeping on....

I couldn't cope with something like this.....

I don't know how you do it.....

Better you than me......

God doesn't give us more than we can handle......

S/he's lucky to have YOU advocating for him/her.......


You know, I focus so much on this one kid hat I feel like I'm short changing the other.