This guy is great! Almost all of the information and examples he gives describe my STBXH to a T!

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mmZZGO9FoMA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DmmZZGO9FoMA

PP I am curious to know if your DH and his siblings know their mother is an N?

my MIL is NPD. pretty much all of the above posted about the dad and XHs are spot-on. basically it is all about that person, everyone else is wrong and they are right. real life applies to everybody else but them. oh, the backhanded compliments are spot on!!! and there truly is no conversation with these people - they just talk and talk and talk about their lives and the people who rank in importance in them (never, ever family, mind you, unless they are complaining. family never measures up).

it is amazing that my DH and his siblings grew up to be wonderful, caring, nurturing people given what their mother was/is like.

To clarify, BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder.

Pp here. The qualities two posts above are just some of my DC's qualities. Whether they are just part of DC's unique self or part of DC's BPD, I can't say. This is just a window into a little bit of life with someone who has been clinically diagnosed with BPD. I should probably have refrained from posting in this thread as my DC has BPD and not NPD. They are different.

Anonymous wrote:I have a young adult DC who is diagnosed with BZD.

... Very black and white thinking. You are either "in" or "out"
..... Smart but not curious. Not interested in other people's life stories
..... Driven by impulse
...... Cannot remember what time to be somewhere and is oblivious to what it means to inconvenience others

That's just a start....

Sounds a little more like my HFA. But my MIL is a full-fledged narcissist. If (using your definition above), I had to tweeze out the difference, it would be that the Aspie is utterly guileless, whereas the narcissist has some sense of what they "should" be doing but would rather do what they want to do because it pleases them to do it their way and to hell with anyone else who gets in the way.

Pp. I meant BPD.

Not BZD.

Hard to type on a phone

I have a young adult DC who is diagnosed with BZD.

... Very black and white thinking. You are either "in" or "out"
..... Smart but not curious. Not interested in other people's life stories
..... Driven by impulse
...... Cannot remember what time to be somewhere and is oblivious to what it means to inconvenience others

That's just a start....

Anonymous wrote:YEs. My dad married one after my mother died. Horrible.

A pathological narcissist is really nothing like a normal person with some narcissistic tendencies. Its a completely different animal.

- black and white thinking, You are for them or against them. No range, End of story
- no conversational ability- they only make commentary
- refuse to be accountable EVER for ANYthing
- demand total loyalty, as defined by them, or else.

My step sister discovered she was married to one by one day calling him a narcissist and realizing she needed to look it up to make sure she was using the word right. As she put it, she spent the next sleepless days at the computer in utter horror as she realized her offhand remark and turned up a nasty and accurate discovery.

I did the same thing with my ex. Eye opening. And sad when I realized it would never get better.

Here is a good link

http://gettinbetter.com/narcissism.html

My ExH. There is no normal way to deal with him. Had to get a coparenting counselor to help with the parenting situation due to nonstop conflict from him. Havent been together for almost 10 years. In his eyes Im always wrong & he is always right. Constant blame game. Get professional help!

YEs. My dad married one after my mother died. Horrible.

A pathological narcissist is really nothing like a normal person with some narcissistic tendencies. Its a completely different animal.

- black and white thinking, You are for them or against them. No range, End of story
- no conversational ability- they only make commentary
- refuse to be accountable EVER for ANYthing
- demand total loyalty, as defined by them, or else.

My step sister discovered she was married to one by one day calling him a narcissist and realizing she needed to look it up to make sure she was using the word right. As she put it, she spent the next sleepless days at the computer in utter horror as she realized her offhand remark and turned up a nasty and accurate discovery.

oh! and by nature they are ingrates. How could it be otherwise? They cannot appreciate anything. No words of gratitude ever come from their lips, but they will let you know how you fell short, oh yes. That's a sort of trap that can make many strive ever harder....

Yes my dad. I could write a book, but I'll try to do some key points:
- conditional 'love.' every day choices of all kinds boil down to this toddler like subtext 'give me what I want or else you are a bad person.'
- rejects you if you displease - sick? unsightly? unable to serve? special moment with spotlight on you not about the N? N has no use for you.
- attracts groupies. I don't know how, but have seen it so many times over the years. like a bus, another comes along with regularity.
- has empathy and feelings but they are all about himself, or sometimes he imagines himself in many different roles and sort of creates stories of himself in those roles to have feelings about and identify with
- fundamentally just not a reciprocal relationship - his agenda, his timetable, no time for you. If you horse trade with an N you must get yours up front
- compliments from the N are back handed, condescending and/or demeaning 'you're a good little worker when you finally get around to it.'

not meant to be exhaustive, just some of the main behavior themes we experienced.

I know we all have the ability to have some narcisstic tendencies. But have any of you dealt with someone with full blown NPD or HPD? I highly suspect my husband has it. Many of his family members exhibit these traits as well. What are some of the things you've had to deal with? Are there any go-to defenses or phrases commonly used by narcissists?