Off-the-cuff observation: is MIL an alcoholic? When you said she needed to go to the park every day with the dog something in my brain said she needs to get her afternoon fix.

If you have no desire to be around her at this point and DH doesn't either and no hope of apology, though, sounds like you should send her home. No hotel, just out.

More details would probably result in better advice, since it's hard to know *how* bad what she did is without your telling us.

My MIL also has a narcissistic disorder. It is scary and infuriating at times - everything that happens to her is someone else's fault. It is always a disaster when she visits. We have had several arguments. The last straw for me was when she was offended that we wouldn't let her take our 3 year old to a dog park in her car (she is not from here and a horrible driver, not to mention if anything had happened to our child it would have been someone else's fault and we'd have never gotten the real story). We offered to do something else together, but she insisted her dog needed to go to the dog park every single day. She went to the park, we went grocery shopping and ate cupcakes for dinner because the kids were starving and she got offended we didn't let her in on our "dinner" plans. She packed up and stormed off in her car, then a few hours later called and asked if she could come back. We ultimately let her come back, but I also find it very difficult to act normal around her and find myself ignoring her or being very quiet. I feel awful - it's truly a disorder and I'm not sure she has the ability to change, but I just don't know how to interact with that. Rational conversation is impossible. I'd love to know how others cope.

What did she do, OP?

If she truly is a narcissist, then give up any hope of an apology.

Put her in a hotel.

What did she do? Give your kid a cigarette? You have to tell us.

Can't even begin to say without knowing what happened.

HI OP,
I know you don't want to give the details, but I would offer my opinion on whether to ask her to leave, or just provide more supervision of her, depending on what she actually did.

Your most powerful weapon is your united front (DH and you).

Present her with your joint solution, never get sucked into criticizing or defending each other.

You can either decide something about MIL right now (such as going to a hotel, or never leaving her alone with the kids, never driving the kids, etc) and present it to her as a non-negotiable rule. She leaves or she complies.

Or you can decide to let this visit pass on neutral terms, and not inviting her again unless she complies with your rules (she gets just one second chance, not more). In that case, no need for chit-chat. Talk only when you have to, and in a neutral way.

Having been there with my own mother, I know co-habitation is a terrible burden after major disagreements. Minimal communication was my solution.

Hard to say without more details

What exactly are you looking for from her?
Even if you get one, it likely insincere.
You need to find a way to discuss her behaviour and make it clear that if she does not recognize what she did was wrong you can no longer trust her being around your kids and will have a hard time welcoming her in your home once this visit is over.

Maybe DH should ask her to leave. She is never going to apologize without it being a big guilt trip.

have you talked to her about it since the blow up? i would have a sit down with you and dh and mil and let her know how you both feel and if you think it violates the safety of your family you might need to ask her to leave.

how long is she visiting?

OP what would you like her to do? Stay or go?

It's really good that you and your husband are on the same page. REALLY good.

It must have been very serious.

Can you ask her to leave? Seriously. Tell her that you're sorry she doesn't understand why it was such a serious problem but given that she can't understand, and you and your husband can't get past it, you think it would be better for everyone if she just left.

Or - get her a hotel room for the remainder of her stay. Give her those two options.

maybe she'll get the point then or maybe not but at least you'd be free of her.

MIL is visiting and we are about half way through the visit. Yesterday she did something unforgiveable, IMO and she and I had a terrible row over it. (Without getting into details, it involved the safety of my child, her grandchild - and my kids are older, so it was not something "generational" like I wanted my child to ride in a booster longer than she thinks needs to happen - MIL's actions would have been outrageous and unacceptable in any generation!) Anyway, not only did she do the terrible thing, she also refused/refuses to accept any responsibility for what happened, and in fact all she did was blame everyone else - her grandchild, me, DH, etc. She is a textbook narcissist but nothing has ever impacted my kids or me as directly as this has. It is the first time I have needed to confront her and witness her lies, denial, blame of others, etc etc. Anyway, the problem is that I do not know how to move forward for the rest of the visit. It is really hard for me to act "normally" around her, make pleasant conversation, etc., without knowing that she understands the gravity of what happened and her part in it. But that is not coming - I realize that. For the past 24 hours I have been alternating between (1) ignoring her and feeling guilty for treating an honored guest so poorly, and (2) acting/talking "normally" to her but feeling that is an implicit acknowledgement on my part that MIL has nothing to feel sorry for. How do I get through the rest of this visit?? DH are in total alignment over this, by the way - he is so upset about what happened and is struggling with the same issues I am.