Oh, OP with one final question. Think it'd be ok to take my kid when she's sick? I mean, wouldn't it be a double-standard if they allow SIL's sick kid but not mine?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PPs with first-hand experience, do you think it'd create a rift in the family if I kept my youngest away during cold and flu season? It's pretty clear that no matter what I say or do, SIL will continue this behavior. She sees no problem with it. It's my youngest who catches all of her cousin's bugs, while my oldest is impervious. Do you think it's worth the rift to keep my kid healthy?

Why don't you read that last question out loud to yourself. Pretend it is a good friend asking. You know what the answer is OP. if you're not sure, the mom police will be by in the morning to take away your mom card, credentials and badge.

This is OP. Thanks for that. I mean it. After this weekend, I feel like my ILs all think I'm a bitch for making even the tiniest stink about it. I'll have DH call ahead before visits, and we won't host during cold and flu season to avoid sending people away who inevitably show up sick anyway.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PPs with first-hand experience, do you think it'd create a rift in the family if I kept my youngest away during cold and flu season? It's pretty clear that no matter what I say or do, SIL will continue this behavior. She sees no problem with it. It's my youngest who catches all of her cousin's bugs, while my oldest is impervious. Do you think it's worth the rift to keep my kid healthy?

Why don't you read that last question out loud to yourself. Pretend it is a good friend asking. You know what the answer is OP. if you're not sure, the mom police will be by in the morning to take away your mom card, credentials and badge.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PPs with first-hand experience, do you think it'd create a rift in the family if I kept my youngest away during cold and flu season? It's pretty clear that no matter what I say or do, SIL will continue this behavior. She sees no problem with it. It's my youngest who catches all of her cousin's bugs, while my oldest is impervious. Do you think it's worth the rift to keep my kid healthy?

PP who wrote about pulling out of nannyshare for same reasons.
It may cause some tension, our friends weren't thrilled. But your kids' health comes first. I wouldn't nix all cold and flu season visits unless there was a reason. Call first and check. Then act accordingly.

Grrr. People like this tick me off. We once pulled out of a planned out of a planned nannyshare with friends because they wanted to be able to send their kid even if was sick with a high fever or contagious disease. Their theory? Just let both kids get sick at the same time and get it over with.
Umm. No.
Anyway, agree with pps who suggested calling before a visit for a health check in status. I'd also put the relative on notices gently but firmly by saying something "I know sometimes Larla comes over when she's a little under the weather. However, kids being kids, this makes dd sick too, which is something I know we both want to avoid. So I figured I'd check in to see if Larla is feeling up to a visit on Saturday."
If the kid is sick, resked the visit. If the mom lies and brings sick kid, pull her aside and let her know you're cutting visit short for the aforementioned reasons.

OP here. To the PPs with first-hand experience, do you think it'd create a rift in the family if I kept my youngest away during cold and flu season? It's pretty clear that no matter what I say or do, SIL will continue this behavior. She sees no problem with it. It's my youngest who catches all of her cousin's bugs, while my oldest is impervious. Do you think it's worth the rift to keep my kid healthy?

If you can't beat them, join them. I say bring your sick kids too.

Wow. She not only has no consideration for you but is also a crappy mother. Who drags their sick kids out for the weekend? Let her get better.
I'd just ask in advance and shut the visit down if the niece is sick. If she lies then unfortunately you might have to make their visits sparse.

Anonymous wrote:This won't go well, if you say anything. I know from personal experience. Someone who is willing to put others at risk and take their sick kid (who probably wants to be home in bed) is a jerk and cannot understand common decency. Which means she won't apologize or change, instead you'll get the blame. I was accused of being a horrible person after once asking if my niece was contagious before a trip-- and since have been rejected from all trips for several years. My Sil would let her sick DD touch everything, including my DDs food and face when they were toddlers. We ended up with am several bouts of strep, rsv and countless other fevers and colds. I got really sick while I was pregnant bc they came on a visit straight from urgent care.

Agree, I've been in that situation countless times with a relative who brings her sick children and not only doesn't tell people they're sick, but tells them not to mention they're sick, either. Anyone who finds out and expresses concern is "over-reacting."

Hope everything went well with your pregnancy despite your illness, PP.

Why is your niece always running fevers? I'd be mostly concerned about the sick child, not the kids who might get sick.

This won't go well, if you say anything. I know from personal experience. Someone who is willing to put others at risk and take their sick kid (who probably wants to be home in bed) is a jerk and cannot understand common decency. Which means she won't apologize or change, instead you'll get the blame. I was accused of being a horrible person after once asking if my niece was contagious before a trip-- and since have been rejected from all trips for several years. My Sil would let her sick DD touch everything, including my DDs food and face when they were toddlers. We ended up with am several bouts of strep, rsv and countless other fevers and colds. I got really sick while I was pregnant bc they came on a visit straight from urgent care.

Call her the night before and ask how everyone is doing--any fevers? If she says yes, then shut down the visit right there. "Oh that's too bad. I know Larla will be disappointed. But it's best for Larlita if she stays home and recovers. Let's try for the following weekend."

The next time it happens I would try to politely tell her you would prefer to reschedule when someone is sick so all the kids can really enjoy the time together and nothing is spread.

I'd be really annoyed. Can you ask her in advance if her kids are running fevers? Would she lie?

first off, we love her daughter dearly. It was my idea to get her girl, my girls, and my other SIL's girls together regularly for the weekend so they could bind since they live two hours apart. However, my SIL's daughter is always sick and was always getting my younger one sick. This weekend, SIL's daughter had a 105 degree fever the night before arrival, and has been running fevers off and on throughout the weekend. SIL doesn't see anything wrong with it as the fever comes and goes with medication. By her own admission, she sends her kid to school like that all the time. She goes on to say that the last two visits that her daughter had fevers too and my kids didn't get sick, which is untrue as my daughter did get sick after the July visit. SIL's elderly parents are here too, and they are of trail health and whom the flu really wouldn't help.

My question is, what can I do? To keep my kids healthy (what are the real risks?)? To continue to foster the cousins' relationships? To stop from getting mad every time this happens?

Would you worry? Should I worry? Trying not to make a big deal but I feel it's selfish and reckless of her.