wonderful followup. And now you can pay it forward and offer good references and maybe even help hire prior SAHMs even (if they are right for the job, as you will be)!

OP here. I sent an email to three people and have heard back from two. They indeed were glad to hear from me and I'm sure will give excellent references.

I don't want this to become a SAHM fight (especially since if I can't find a job, as I'll remain a SAHM for as long as it takes). Most women spend some time at home at some point during their careers, whether to care for young children, elderly parents, or because they can't find a job in their field in the city where their spouse needs to be to work.

I would be thrilled to get this job, but if I don't I'll just try to enjoy the life I have.

Thanks for all your input!

Anonymous wrote:You NEED to get in touch with these references before the prospective employers reach out. The LAST thing you want is for your reference to say "hmmmm.. Jane Smith, yeah I think I remember her-- wasn't she the one who left to stay at home??"

I call a lot of references, and all of the ones I've called have been prepped with specifics about projects they've done, etc.

I would email and follow up with a phone call to be sure they are on board. Include your resume in your email and remind the reference of one or two big projects you did.

WTF. The one who left to stay home? You mean the one who made the financial sacrifice to give the children a stable childhood?

People I've emailed were all happy to help. Many of them actually said "Remind me what dates we worked together and tell me what you want me to say."

i was in the same position last year and i reached out via email to old supervisors with whom i hadn't spoke in 10+ years (moved out of state). they were 1) thrilled to hear from me, and 2) happy to be my reference.

i think lunch is probably overkill. i would offer coffee, if anything.

Great. If they call your references, it means they are serious about you so you don't want your references to blow it for you.

Anonymous wrote:You NEED to get in touch with these references before the prospective employers reach out. The LAST thing you want is for your reference to say "hmmmm.. Jane Smith, yeah I think I remember her-- wasn't she the one who left to stay at home??"

I call a lot of references, and all of the ones I've called have been prepped with specifics about projects they've done, etc.

I would email and follow up with a phone call to be sure they are on board. Include your resume in your email and remind the reference of one or two big projects you did.

Great advice, this is exactly what I'll do. Thanks!

You NEED to get in touch with these references before the prospective employers reach out. The LAST thing you want is for your reference to say "hmmmm.. Jane Smith, yeah I think I remember her-- wasn't she the one who left to stay at home??"

I call a lot of references, and all of the ones I've called have been prepped with specifics about projects they've done, etc.

I would email and follow up with a phone call to be sure they are on board. Include your resume in your email and remind the reference of one or two big projects you did.

Hi Dr. Laura!

just send them an email and explain the situation, most employers respond well to this especially if you had a good working relationship

I started a job search about two weeks ago, and have been surprised at the rapid response of employers. I have been a SAHM for about 7 years, and am trying to return to a technical field.

For the job I am seeking, the references that would be most pertinent I haven't seen in ten years. I was planning to call/take them out to lunch once school started, but it turns out I have some interviews early next week, before I'll have a chance to.

I know that I need to call or email them this weekend, but what is the etiquette for asking for a reference for a job I did so long ago?

Any advice? Thanks!