I think he's just being clueless. You should tell him it's important to you that he's there and he'll probably realize that he was being an idiot by the end of the race.

I completed my first big endurance event earlier this year, and I really wanted my husband and kids cheering me on. I made plans for them to be there, and they came with no complaints, but I don't think my husband really understood that I wanted him there to support me and not just because it would be easier logistically (the race was out of town). They ended up missing the finish, which he later felt bad about.

My husband usually goes out of his way to do things for me, so I think in this case he just didn't really get what his presence there meant to me. All the training was sort of 'my thing' - so he wasn't nearly as invested in the race and perhaps even felt a little extraneous to the whole experience. You're definitely not crazy for wanting him there, but he's also not necessarily a complete jerk for assuming he shouldn't come.

You will probably need someone to drive you home, or at least help you get home. I've run three and only finished one (out of town) with not support. It sucked both emotionally and logistically.

It is true that it's crowded, and some people just simply don't like that. You can definitely ask DH, but you can't MAKE him come. If he still decides not to, please don't let this let you down. A first marathon is a huge deal, and you want to be focused, stay positive, and enjoy as much as possible. Tell yourself that you're a big girl and you can handle this. You will have already accomplished the most difficult part of the race - training and being prepared to stand on the start line! Congratulations, and whatever support system you may end up having, remember you're doing this by yourself after all and don't let any negative thoughts affect you. Wish you the best.

MCM is unusual (to me at least) in that the winding course lets friends see you more than once, if they want to run around (say from the start to Georgetown to the tidal basin), but we sometimes even if we go to watch friends we'll skip the finish line.

MCM was my first marathon and it's a huge deal - both that it's your first and because the MCM itself is a huge race with a huge turnout of spectators. I had friends and family follow me around the course. When my DH ran it, I was exhausted by the time the race is done because I'd probably covered 10 or more miles myself getting to multiple points to see him.

DH is right, the finish line is a mob scene. Set a meeting point and do your best to find each other. It also helps if he's been following you so he knows generally when you'll finish.

I've done other marathons since without any support and it's do-able, especially if it's a race where there isn't a lot of crowd support generally, but I think you'll both be sad if he's not there.

That being said, OP, if he chooses to come IT WILL BE OK!!!! Wear something unique -- I can't tell you the number of times you'll hear strangers shouting "Way to go, UCLA t-shirt guy!" "Keep it up, woman in the pink tutu!" "Stay strong, Larla! (if you have your name on your shirt or arm)"

Good luck and have fun, it's a great experience!

Anonymous wrote:Don't be sad OP. Just tell DH you want, no, you expect him to be there. He probably just doesn't get it. As soon as he sees all the other support the other runners have at the finish line, he'll totally get it and be glad he came.

ITA, and yes, I think it makes sense that you'd want your family there. Most runners will have people cheering them on. Ask him directly to come support you and let him that it would mean a lot to you. There will be tons of kids around too, shouldn't be a big deal for him to bring your kiddo/s along.

Maybe he just didn't realize. I've done three marathons and would have been crushed if my husband wasn't on the course cheering me along. He was even ill during one and still made it out, although he did take a nap in the middle of the race. Just tell your husband he needs to be there.

Don't be sad OP. Just tell DH you want, no, you expect him to be there. He probably just doesn't get it. As soon as he sees all the other support the other runners have at the finish line, he'll totally get it and be glad he came.

He probably is just thinking that it's just another day of you going out for along run. If he's never ran a marathon, half, 10K, or even a 5K, he probably just doesn't understand the culture of it all. Just speak up and let him know how you're feeling, I'm sure he's probably pretty clueless about the whole thing.

BTDT with my DH, who is a big runner....

Thanks. I'm feeling kind of sad now.

I do have a friend running, but I'm not really sure that we'll be "running together"--I mean, if one of us is faster than the other we wouldn't want to slow each other down, right? I'm pretty sure her husband and kids will be there, and if he saw me I'm sure he'd cheer for me...still not the same if my own husband is sitting at home, you know?

I think my husband just expected to drop me off at the metro in the morning and then come back and pick me up at the same metro station several hours later.

That is weird. He can track your progress online and figure out when you should be at certain stops along the route. And then go out there and wait for you to pass. He could do that at lesser crowded stops. Why doesn't he do this and bring your DS? I'm sure your DS would be very proud of his mom. But don't worry, the crowd will have your back and cheer you on like they've known you forever. And you have the option of purchasing your crossing the finish line picture--they take a picture of everyone and try to sell it to the finishers.

Most people have a support system there. My parents and husband made lame signs and followed me around the course cheering me on. Maybe they are the other extreme, but I think someone should be there for you especially if you are running alone.

I have gone in other years to cheer on friends who are running. It is very crowded, but that's part of the whole experience!

Anonymous wrote:No, it's not normal. Normally, family and good friends are stationed at points through the route and someone meets you at the end. I'm not sure what you would do about snacks, water, and warmer clothes at the end of the race without someone at the end. Often, but not always, other runner friends will run along (if allowed) for difficult parts of the race with a first-time marathoner.

If you are going this alone, definitely write your name on your shirt and all the other people there will cheer for you for sure. But don't go it alone, tell him to bring the kids to the race and meet you at the end.

Also, I am not a runner and would never run a marathon, but I've done other endurance events and had people who I barely knew come out and wait with DH to cheer for me at the end. I also walked down and cheered at Independence for the Marine marathoners during the 5 years we lived on the Hill, the crowds are totally manageable.

No, it's not normal. Normally, family and good friends are stationed at points through the route and someone meets you at the end. I'm not sure what you would do about snacks, water, and warmer clothes at the end of the race without someone at the end. Often, but not always, other runner friends will run along (if allowed) for difficult parts of the race with a first-time marathoner.

If you are going this alone, definitely write your name on your shirt and all the other people there will cheer for you for sure. But don't go it alone, tell him to bring the kids to the race and meet you at the end.

I will be running this year. It is my first marathon ever.

We live in the far out suburbs. Dh told me he will drop me off at the metro and I can take that in. I just figured that meant he would drive up later to watch me, since it will be several hours...

But then I was just talking about our son's sports schedule (we havent' received it yet, and I mentioned there was a possibility he'd have a game at the same time) and he said "Well, that's fine since I'll be home with the kids anyway"--in other words, he wasn't planning on coming up to watch me/see me at the finish line at all!

He said that it would be really crowded and hard to get there, etc.


Is this "normal?" Do most runners not have anyone there to cheer them on at the finish line because it's too crowded? I was at least hoping I could get a picture with my medal, somewhere up in that area (where the background would still be of a post-marathon crowd/environment, as opposed to 2 hours later, at home in my living room).

I'm feeling kind of bummed and not supported, but maybe I just don't know enough about how marathons are.

thanks.