Another tragic case of DCUM Broken Spinal Column.

Large extended family too. I am the youngest of all the cousins and now my older cousins' kids are starting to get married. We go when we can. Really, it's up to us. No one ha ever complained since our decisions are always based on real life facts (jobs, school, money, sick kids etc.) If I can't go I send a note in addition to the rsvp.

In fact, I am traveling for one of these weddings in two weeks. I would really prefer to stay put that weekend but all of my cousins and some very elderly aunts will be there. We haven't all been in the same place for years and probably won't be again for decades.

PP here. Just read your second post. DH has to make a choice about attending by himself or not attending at all. If you don't agree that it's a good use of time away and money, then you guys have to compromise.

I'd be concerned about family politics involved with going to some of the weddings but not others. Will it create hard feelings? Is there a way to figure out some rule of thumb for deciding which ones you'll go to?

Why exactly is your MIL putting pressure on you to attend these two weddings?

I would not change anniversary plans, especially if going to the wedding then meant you couldn't afford to do your anniversary. (Why wouldn't you celebrate your marriage before celebrating someone else's?)

Go to the first wedding, maybe, if you feel like a family reunion, and then after that decline and send a gift unless you can drive there and back the same day. If you stand firm on this early on, then everybody (including MIL) will learn not to expect you to attend.

I would prob do one or two a year in lieu of a regular vacation, if the destination is a fun one. Otherwise, they'll understand.

I basically attend no weddings at all. I can either spend $200 flying to get there or $200 as your gift, mailed.

I've been to four weddings in my entire life.

OP here again. Most of the cousins (other than our flower girl or ring bearer) were not at our wedding, b/c they were too young. We didn't invite kids to our wedding as there were just too many little kids at the time. It is now these kids who are getting married. My problem is that my MIL is putting LOTS of pressure on us to attend this particular wedding and the one in the spring. If you gave me pictures of the cousins, I couldn't even identify the one getting married this fall. I do know the cousin getting married in the spring.

My DH and I also do not see eye-to-eye on this. He really wants to attend all family functions, but he doesn't want to go by himself. The upcoming wedding, thankfully, is not a flight, but is a 5 hour drive (there is no way to fly there), and I dont' think he wants to drive 10 hours in two days by himself, which I understand.

If you don't see them except at the weddings, you don't have to go to them all. Send a gift. Go to one a year when you can for the sake of the family reunion.

So at least twenty weddings over the next decade or so.
Depends on how cash strapped you are.
How many attended your wedding? You could skip those who skipped yours.
It is possible they don't want to feed so many people any way and would be relieved if not all the cousins show up.
You could just send dh and keep the kids at home with you.

I have a pretty large extended family - 35 first cousins who in turn had a lot of kids, a lot of whom are now getting married. We already live far away from both sides of our family (in opposite directions, so no combining visits for us), so visiting each side a few times a year adds up on its own (esp now that DC is big enough to need a seat on the plane) before you even add in weddings, baby showers, etc. that we get invited to.

I love my cousins and their kids, but unless it's one that I'm particularly close to (like that I keep in touch with regularly outside of big events like reunions), I send a gift but do not attend. Often it's a great chance to skype with clusters of family who do go, and no one holds it against us.

New family rule: NO MORE DESTINATION WEDDINGS. Period. Hate 'em. Too expensive. Too exhausting. No fun. Too disruptive to family life here.

Send DH by himself.

OP here. My FIL is the oldest of 10 kids, and my DH is the oldest of all of the grandkids. I've lost count of all of his first cousins, but the siblings have anywhere from 1-5 kids each, so we're talking about a good number. Most of the cousins are in their early-late 20s, so there is a cluster, though I think some of the kids are middle-school aged. Honestly, I've lost count.

How many unmarried cousins are we talking about?

Do you attend all family weddings? How do you decide in your family what to do/not to do? My DH has a large extended family and the younger cousins are starting to get married. So far, we know that we have a wedding this fall and one this spring. So we aren't talking about lots and lots of weekends, but I see them on the horizon. Pre-kids it was easy to run away for the weekend, but now it is harder (and, honestly, less desirable) for us to leave our kids and dogs to go to a wedding (the kids are rarely invited to weddings; the family is just too large). With travel, hotel, and babysitting costs, I'm easily at $1000 per wedding before we even buy a gift. If we have two-three a year, this isn't an insignificant expense.

So my question to you all is: when do you draw the line? Do you make all weddings a priority? Go to some, not others? Honestly, my DH hasn't spoken to either of the cousins getting married since the last wedding.

And do you put the weddings in front of other immediate family plans? For example, this year we have a big anniversary. We had to postpone our planned getaway due to a work conflict, and we just learned that the wedding is the same weekend as our anniversary weekend. My DH feels like we should move our anniversary plans yet another two weeks later, but we really can't afford to go away two weekends in the same month, nor do I want to do so. It has to be an either/or this year.