Anonymous wrote:Said by MIL to DD (age one!) who was swishing her dress on the hardwood floor. "We don't wash floors, we hire people to do that for us." I immediately responded, "I wash floors. And she can wash floors if she wants to." The whole statement was so effed up, and I probably could've responded better but it was the only thing that came to me in the moment. Everything out of MIL's mouth is "princess this, princess that..." I can't take it! I have tried to tell her nicely to stop but it's not working. MIL already raised her own snotty, over privileged daughter (my SIL) and I don't want her instilling these ideas into my DD. I have no problem with a little bit of princess every once in awhile but "we don't wash floors?" ugh. We don't have a cleaning service so I do wash floors and clean many other things as well. And DD will learn to pick up her toys and help clean as she grows. Even if We did have a cleaning service, I see no reason for her to think she's "above" a little hard work/cleaning.
Sorry for the rant but I have no one else to share this with. DH thinks its harmless bc we only see MIL once a month but the older DD gets the more she will start to understand these kinds of statements and I really hope she doesn't take them to heart.

"EWWW, MIL, that is something only the poors say out loud!"

Anonymous wrote:I agree with "actions speak louder than words". And with my own MIL I keep reminding myself that I am still the primary influence in my kids' lives, and that her bizarre statements will not immediately undo the things I try to instill in them. It's hard to remember, but it's the only way I can get past some things. They are going to encounter all kinds of people throughout their lives, and it's up to us to keep them grounded and confident enough to not take everything everyone else says to heart.

I grew up with grandparents who had different beliefs than my family (around religion, not money, but similar). It was very helpful for me in the long run, though painful at times, to know that we can be family even though we believe different things. Your example will matter more to your children, not just about cleaning, but how different people have different values and priorities, but we can still get along and love each other. You can have more conversations about these kinds of things as your daughter gets older, and meanwhile shoot down those kinds of comments from your MIL (bonus if DH will do it!).

Whether or not you wash your own floors, you should at least know how to do it!

This reads like someone that's never been around real wealth and thinks this is how real wealth behaves.

OP, I think you responded perfectly!

You don't see her often enough for it to matter. I agree with other posters, actions > words.

"Solidly upper middle class though she has "aspirations," especially for SIL who was taught that she needed to marry rich - perhaps why she can't find a husband, she only dates Wall Street traders who keep dumping her for younger women."

If SIL can't find her sperm donor/human ATM mate, the way she was raised may be a blessing in disguise for the nation.

It was kind of a silly (laugh worthy) thing for Grandma to say but I wouldn't over react. If she hasn't already, your daughter will soon see how it's REALLY done at home. Choose your battles OP.

I agree with "actions speak louder than words". And with my own MIL I keep reminding myself that I am still the primary influence in my kids' lives, and that her bizarre statements will not immediately undo the things I try to instill in them. It's hard to remember, but it's the only way I can get past some things. They are going to encounter all kinds of people throughout their lives, and it's up to us to keep them grounded and confident enough to not take everything everyone else says to heart.

Anonymous wrote:

MIL already raised her own snotty, over privileged daughter (my SIL)

Is your husband snotty and over privileged too ?

If Grand MaMa is so wealthy, why doesn't she hire some help for you ?

I don't believe your MIL said that. I expect royalty thinking that way or someone filthy rich like gin raisin Mama T Heinz but not regular wealthy.

She definitely said it! She's not even that rich. Solidly upper middle class though she has "aspirations," especially for SIL who was taught that she needed to marry rich - perhaps why she can't find a husband, she only dates Wall Street traders who keep dumping her for younger women. There was a double standard in their house growing up - SIL was "too good" for things that were "good enough" for DH (public schools, summer jobs, etc.) DH alternates between being embarrassed by her and defending her for not knowing any better (never worked, socializes with the country club set, always trying to appear she has more money than she does). If DD was a boy I doubt she'd talk to her like that, but since she's a girl, MIL already envisions her as some sort of princess/debutante who will fulfill all MILs fantasies about the money and privilege she herself never had. She's nuts! Sometimes I feel badly for her but mostly she just annoys the crap out of me.

MIL already raised her own snotty, over privileged daughter (my SIL)

Is your husband snotty and over privileged too ?

If Grand MaMa is so wealthy, why doesn't she hire some help for you ?

I don't believe your MIL said that. I expect royalty thinking that way or someone filthy rich like gin raisin Mama T Heinz but not regular wealthy.

Actions speak louder than words. You keep doing you - don't worry about what Grandma says. Your husband is right. And btw, we have cleaners twice a week but my kids know damn well they have to make their bed each morning and clean up a mess when they make it. Help is just that - it's not people doing it for you.

I just taught DD how to scrub her toilet with the brush, and she was fascinated. Teach 'em while they're young!

You're doing a fine job. As long as you & your husband show a good example for your kids, and when she is older explain to her what "class" means then she is fine. Grandma's viewpoint will always be there but I am sure your daughter will be able to take it with a grain of salt if you raise her right. That said, if this were my MIL I know letting comments and snobbery like this slide is easier said than done!!

Said by MIL to DD (age one!) who was swishing her dress on the hardwood floor. "We don't wash floors, we hire people to do that for us." I immediately responded, "I wash floors. And she can wash floors if she wants to." The whole statement was so effed up, and I probably could've responded better but it was the only thing that came to me in the moment. Everything out of MIL's mouth is "princess this, princess that..." I can't take it! I have tried to tell her nicely to stop but it's not working. MIL already raised her own snotty, over privileged daughter (my SIL) and I don't want her instilling these ideas into my DD. I have no problem with a little bit of princess every once in awhile but "we don't wash floors?" ugh. We don't have a cleaning service so I do wash floors and clean many other things as well. And DD will learn to pick up her toys and help clean as she grows. Even if We did have a cleaning service, I see no reason for her to think she's "above" a little hard work/cleaning.
Sorry for the rant but I have no one else to share this with. DH thinks its harmless bc we only see MIL once a month but the older DD gets the more she will start to understand these kinds of statements and I really hope she doesn't take them to heart.