where do you want to live and what is your budget?

and what are his "must haves?"

maybe we can help you identify common ground.

Where to live is a huge part of my value system and my husband and I were in complete agreement on that issue. It was still a hard process though. You can't have everything and even if you pick one, you may not get it. Just hang on there and never agree to a commute you won't like, unless you are planning to quit of course.

I agree about the lists of criteria in order of priority. What are some of the things your husband insists on that you don't care about? Location, size of lot, basic layout of house are all pretty unchangeable, but maybe the other stuff is more cosmetic than he realizes. Is he being realistic about what you can get for your money? Where are you looking and what price range?

A two-hour commute each way is absurd. Can your real estate agent make him understand what's realistic and what's not? Any place that you really, really like you should both go see more than once rather than him just dismissing it without really giving it a chance.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for making me feel better about being a single mom (and homeowner.) Before I made the offer on my house, I had my ex come over and look at it with me. He said, "This is great." He listed the few things he noticed that might be issues, but agreed that I should buy it. No arguments.

That said, in this market, it sucks to be a single-income buyer competing with dual-income buyers. So try to remember that when you're getting frustrated. You have more buying power as a couple.

Maybe y'all could make two lists of everything you want, rank them, and then agree that you're both not getting everything? (Also, how did this sh*t not come up before? you're married.)

First house was easy, we didn't have kids. I didn't really care. Like I said I'm usually pretty flexible. Now that I have kids, I will not budge on the schools and am realistic about the time it would take to commute from work to pick them up from school.

Thank you all for making me feel better about being a single mom (and homeowner.) Before I made the offer on my house, I had my ex come over and look at it with me. He said, "This is great." He listed the few things he noticed that might be issues, but agreed that I should buy it. No arguments.

That said, in this market, it sucks to be a single-income buyer competing with dual-income buyers. So try to remember that when you're getting frustrated. You have more buying power as a couple.

Maybe y'all could make two lists of everything you want, rank them, and then agree that you're both not getting everything? (Also, how did this sh*t not come up before? you're married.)

Kids will enter Kindergarten in fall of 2014 and another still in daycare. We are outside of the county we wish to move to so can't try to get on a waiting list for SACC until we move.

OP---we sold our house in the spring and didn't find one by the time we closed (with an extended rent back). Now, we are renting to give ourselves the time we need to find the right house. Just registered my son for K and signed up for after care. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Some people would argue that two moves is less than ideal and, while I agree, this is what ended up working for us. You will have options.

How old are your kids?

He thinks I'm desperate and settling. My priority is schools and location. I can live in any kind of house. What I can't live in is a great house that will we get blown out of the water when it comes to a bidding war. We just don't have the arsenal to compete with someone willing to waive all contingencies and put 200k down on a house that's gone 20k over list already. I'm nervous that he will drag his feet and when we have two months left to enroll our children in a new school and find aftercare, we will be up shits creek. I will be the one scrambling to do the registration and pounding the pavement for decent aftercare. He says we have plenty of time to be settled into a new house by fall 2014. That slips away from you so fast in a market with an already low supply in peak season and heading into the slow season. I do not want to be looking next Spring.

House hunting is one of the things I enjoyed the least with my husband. We argued so much about big issues, but also little, insignificant things. Agree about holding your ground about your commute, though, as well as schools. Hang in there! I always used to tell myself...you only have to find one house.

Sorry but I can't believe he's so selfish about what he wants in a house that he doesn't care if the kids are in bad schools and you're commuting for hours everyday. Is he sure he understands the whole marriage/compromise thing?

Your title made me laugh though. He needs a good swift kick in the behind though.

Anonymous wrote:Never compromise on location and schools, work your way after that.

+1

Long commute will DRAIN your soul.

Never compromise on location and schools, work your way after that.

I hear you. On the one hand my DH's pickiness was annoying, on the other hand it avoided us buying a few places that just weren't right.

Don't get so frustrated on your criteria that you compromise on location - that is a good one to hold the line on.

Also, sometimes I've found the picky spouse has to experience being outbid a few times before they see the light. This may be a painful, but necessary part of the process. Hang in there!

Seriously, how do you keep from being at each other's throats during this process? We cannot agree on anything. DH is so impossible to please and in denial about our ability to compete in a market like this. I like everything and he will cross something out because he doesn't like the 'vibe'. He's more than willing to move so far away that I'd have a 2 hour commute just so he doesn't have to compromise on the must haves. Meanwhile, my kids are going to be stuck in crappy schools. Frustrating.