Anonymous wrote:Shame is a sad thing. You take money from other people so you can have things you can't buy on your own.

if that's cool with you, why hide it?

No one said that. I'm one of the PPs with generous relatives. We live well below our means. Why would we turn down the gift when they enjoy giving it? It's nothing to them.

I think you are ridiculous, too. FWIW.

Anonymous wrote:We don't talk a lot about this and I wonder what they suspect or know. My husband took out loans for grad school and we own a house. My in laws know that. What they don't know is that I inherited a considerable amount and we have completely paid off all loans. In addition we have the rest in a managed trust. I have never explained any of this to my in laws and neither has my husband. Today we were all meeting at our house before going out to dinner. In laws arrived first and when I walked in I saw that our most recent trust statement was sitting in full view on the coffee table. They weren't snooping, that's where I left it. I am really upset that they know my secret now. My husband thinks I am ridiculous. I worry they will look at me differently now. I don't touch this money at. All. We treat it like a life insurance policy and we live off our income from salaries. Would you be upset? I don't even know why this bothers me. We have a great relationship and I don't want things to change.

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Your husband is a wise man.

OP think about your relatives. Some people are obsessive about not looking at other peoples finances/mail. Others will read anything. If your secret is out, you have to live with it. But don't be so sure they understood everything, or if they did, they did not already suspect. We recently had a windfall -- we are emphatically not telling the relatives. But I think they know. To be more precise, they suspect. I find the relatives have a hard time grasping how expensive the DC area has become. I have a hard time with it and I live here.

Stop being upset. Get over yourself. Keep being the same person you've always been, and they'll keep treating you the same way.

My ILs know zip about my finances. It's none of their business.

My parents gave us a large gift of money this year. My MIL has no idea.

PP here. My parents tell me that they'd rather give us money now and see how we use it (or know that it will go into savings) rather than leave it to us upon their demise.

Maybe this is cultural?

Anyway, it would really cause tension and jealously if my in laws knew how much my parents helped us financially.

Anonymous wrote:Shame is a sad thing. You take money from other people so you can have things you can't buy on your own.

if that's cool with you, why hide it?

Because it's none of anybody else's business?

Shame is a sad thing. You take money from other people so you can have things you can't buy on your own.

if that's cool with you, why hide it?

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws give us a considerable amount of money annually - the limit for not paying taxes. My parents do not know. My parents do know that my in laws bought us our car and probably suspect that we do not pay for vacations we take with them. My in laws do not know that when we vacation with my parents we pay for their plane, hotel, meals or that we buy my parents much more generous gifts I.e. iPad vs. sweater. DH is ok with this which I appreciate since sometimes I feel like we're "giving" his parents money to my parents.

This, almost exactly, except it's my parents who are quite wealthy and give us a considerable amount of money annually.

My in laws do not know that my parents paid for a renovation project at our house.

OP,

They may not have actually read it or understood exactly what it was if they did happen to glance at it.

Also, I'm not sure what makes you so upset and why you think it would make the relationship worse. Do you think they are going to start asking for money?

BTW, my sister's husband lives off a trust (or so we all assume in my family). She made a big point of when they first got together that his family "used to" have money, but her underwhelming salary and his "job" couldn't pay for the vacation home and multiple yearly international trips.

Personally, I find it annoying that she doesn't think our family can't put 2 and 2 together.

My in-laws give us a considerable amount of money annually - the limit for not paying taxes. My parents do not know. My parents do know that my in laws bought us our car and probably suspect that we do not pay for vacations we take with them. My in laws do not know that when we vacation with my parents we pay for their plane, hotel, meals or that we buy my parents much more generous gifts I.e. iPad vs. sweater. DH is ok with this which I appreciate since sometimes I feel like we're "giving" his parents money to my parents.

Why are you assuming they read it? I would not read a financial statement in someone else's house.

And even if they did, are you afraid they would ask you for money or expect more gifts, etc? Be miffed that you had not disclosed this?

I understand you hugged this little secret to yourself and now feel bereft, but don't cry over (possibly) spilt milk.

We don't talk a lot about this and I wonder what they suspect or know. My husband took out loans for grad school and we own a house. My in laws know that. What they don't know is that I inherited a considerable amount and we have completely paid off all loans. In addition we have the rest in a managed trust. I have never explained any of this to my in laws and neither has my husband. Today we were all meeting at our house before going out to dinner. In laws arrived first and when I walked in I saw that our most recent trust statement was sitting in full view on the coffee table. They weren't snooping, that's where I left it. I am really upset that they know my secret now. My husband thinks I am ridiculous. I worry they will look at me differently now. I don't touch this money at. All. We treat it like a life insurance policy and we live off our income from salaries. Would you be upset? I don't even know why this bothers me. We have a great relationship and I don't want things to change.