By the way, abuse doesn't have to be violent. It can be controlling, it can be emotional abuse.

It's controlling behavior and it is usually male on female, so yes, it is a form of abuse in my opinion. Whenever someone limits or controls your access to something you have equal ownership over, that's a form of abuse. You are an adult, not a child. Not good.

Anonymous wrote:Why do people need to consult an anonymous online forum on whether their own spouse is abusive or not? Hey OP, do you feel threatened or unsafe? If so, then it is very possible you are in an abusive relationship. If not, move on.

Well, there are people who feel threatened and unsafe all the time- I think it's called paranoia?

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I'd have extra car keys made, but I wouldn't keep it secret. I'd give him one, too. He'd understand, he's not stupid.

Ha, good idea, thanks.

Why do people need to consult an anonymous online forum on whether their own spouse is abusive or not? Hey OP, do you feel threatened or unsafe? If so, then it is very possible you are in an abusive relationship. If not, move on.

Anonymous wrote:For my safety, I won't mention specifics. My husbands abuse started as something small like yours and he would hurt me while grabbing for something from me. Eventually it became much more violent and clearly abuse. It may be nothing and it may be something. I would take precautions to protect yourself.

Yes, it kind of irked me.

Oh, I'd have extra car keys made, but I wouldn't keep it secret. I'd give him one, too. He'd understand, he's not stupid.

For my safety, I won't mention specifics. My husbands abuse started as something small like yours and he would hurt me while grabbing for something from me. Eventually it became much more violent and clearly abuse. It may be nothing and it may be something. I would take precautions to protect yourself.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Get a couple of copies of the car keys made and hide them in strategic places.

That's what I am thinking, too- OP here
But wouldn't that lead to things like having a secret bank account etc- meaning me thinking he is capable of doing mean things and not regretting it later!

OP - Get a couple of copies of the car keys made and hide them in strategic places.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- no, wasn't blocking, didn't use physical force in any way. I got worried because he can do that- hide the keys- and it ever occurred to me he would do something really mean like that, but maybe I was wrong?
Thanks for this reality check.

If this becomes ongoing or a regular thing, then I would be concerned. But we all have momentary lapses in judgment that makes us be a bit of a jerk. If there was nothing physical, and the anger is rather infrequent, I would not read too much of it. We all lose our cool once in a while. I'm glad he apologized though!

OP here- no, wasn't blocking, didn't use physical force in any way. I got worried because he can do that- hide the keys- and it ever occurred to me he would do something really mean like that, but maybe I was wrong?
Thanks for this reality check.

Agree with PP. However, if he actively prevents you from leaving, like blocking the way to the door with his body...that is totally different.

No. This sounds like a brief blip of anger/frustration, and not at all violence or abuse.

I am not sure if it is a spin off of the spitting thread, but I also recently had a situation where my husband got mad at me and grabbed my car keys saying I don't have access to it anymore (it's a family car, I just came in so had the keys in my hand).
He later apologized and returned them where they belong, but it was the first power struggle type of action in his part; there were words before, but never actions, and honestly I don't know how to handle it. We don't speak unless necessary after that fight and I am thinking about my strategy...