Do you know why he isn't getting all four stars and whether he is capable of getting four. If not, then you could talk about modified expectations. If he is capable and just isn't behaving well, then you have an entirely different issue.

I know why he isn't getting them but whether he can control the behavior is less clear to me. Whether or not he can control the behavior, he isn't doing so based upon the start chart system or the reinforcements we are giving at home. So I will talk to the teacher and see what suggestions she has.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I speak to her, what I should I ask her to do? Stop including him in the chart? Put less focus on who got what number of stars?

Here's the problem. If he isn't included then he's the kid who got no stars. Do you know why he isn't getting all four stars and whether he is capable of getting four. If not, then you could talk about modified expectations. If he is capable and just isn't behaving well, then you have an entirely different issue.

I tried to explain "modified expectations" to my DS's daycare provider and it was like talking to a brick wall. She could not get past the fairness issue and eventually I just gave up. This was at a highly respected daycare chain, so I thought.

Anonymous wrote:When I speak to her, what I should I ask her to do? Stop including him in the chart? Put less focus on who got what number of stars?

Here's the problem. If he isn't included then he's the kid who got no stars. Do you know why he isn't getting all four stars and whether he is capable of getting four. If not, then you could talk about modified expectations. If he is capable and just isn't behaving well, then you have an entirely different issue.

The OP said that her son was in a daycare that uses a star chart. My child used to go to a small federal daycare center now a BH center and they used a red/yellow/green chart for everyone to see. It was used in a cruel way with attention being called when some poor child got a red dot on his chart. And yes, I saw this on multiple times. Before I could complain the new director took the system away. The prek teachers were very angry. I swear that those people liked to see the children suffer. But what should you expect? The providers at that small center were uneducated and clueless about child development. I took my child out of the center and got a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:When I speak to her, what I should I ask her to do? Stop including him in the chart? Put less focus on who got what number of stars?

I would just tell her exactly what you posted here and ask for her suggestions.

When I speak to her, what I should I ask her to do? Stop including him in the chart? Put less focus on who got what number of stars?

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Teacher here and I HATE this kind of stuff SO much. We purposely send our children to a Responsive Classroom school so they wouldn't be subject to this.



I would move your son out of the school.

I am also a teacher. While I disagree w/ the public viewing of each child's performance, I think "taking him out of the school" for this is way too extreme if you generally like the school/teacher. You will always find something in any school that is not ideal. I would just speak to the teacher.

Ugh. Teacher here and I HATE this kind of stuff SO much. We purposely send our children to a Responsive Classroom school so they wouldn't be subject to this.

I would move your son out of the school.

Director here. Although individual charts can sometimes be useful, children of this age should not be compared to others in a public way. Each child can work on his/her own behavior, but privately. I would definitely talk to the teacher and/or director. It sounds as if your child is feeling shamed. That is not okay.

This is the sort of system that is used in many schools in some form or another - star charts, flipping cards for unacceptable behavior, scoop of beans for good behavior, etc. it's probably worth talking to the teacher about your sons reaction, but I wouldn't expect the school to end the practice. And, in your shoes, I'd probably work with my child to figure out how to make the system more palatable to him because he's likely to be participating in reward programs for years to come.

One of my kids had a seriously adverse reaction to reward/punishment programs and it took the school counselor, the county psychologist psychologist and his IEP team to intervene and excuse him from the program and then later modify other reward programs to work for him. But the programs continued for all of the other kids.

My son's daycare has a star chart where kids can get up to 4 stars a day for learning, listening, circle time, and sharing. The stars are posted so that all parents and kids can see how many stars the kids got. My son, 4, usually doesn't get more than 2 stars. On some days he gets less. I wish this weren't the case, we have been working with him, and nothing has really changed. Recently, DS has been saying that he "hates" certain other kids because they always get 4 stars. I offered to invite his best friend over for a playdate and he said that he didn't want the kid to come because "he's a 4 star kid and I'm only a 2 star kid." I am sure he is just jealous, but it is making me wonder whether the system of posting the stars might be counterproductive. It doesn't seem to be helping his behavior, and it seems to be creating animosity with the other kids. Would you bring it up with the teacher? I don't want her to view it as me complaining because DS doesn't get enough stars - he can be a handful, and he probably doesn't deserve them. But if the system is creating rifts between the kids, it doesn't seem to be working well to me.