Is it possible the gift hasn't arrived yet? Or was lost?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would return the check that one sibling received and tell the grandparents that they have TWO grandchildren and until they can treat them both the same they can't give gifts.

This would NOT be the way to go. I would ask them why the disparity and if it would be ok to split the check among the 2 kids.

WHY is this not the way to go? Grandparents are clearly in the wrong here and they need to treat all of the children equally. You'd rather spare their feelings at the expense of your child feeling left out and less than? I would absolutely return the check and say "it's either both or nothing." Screw them.

And there is no change in financial situation for the giver. And we are talking multiple thousands.

Op here. The graduations were from high school three years apart , both nice kids.

Anonymous wrote:I would return the check that one sibling received and tell the grandparents that they have TWO grandchildren and until they can treat them both the same they can't give gifts.

This would NOT be the way to go. I would ask them why the disparity and if it would be ok to split the check among the 2 kids.

This is common in our family and has caused no end of trouble with family relations.

If two siblings (twins?) graduated from high school at the same time and one got $500 and the other got nothing, I would let the grandparent know that while of course I respect their decisions and what they choose to give is up to them, that there may be some very hurt feelings from the child who got nothing.

And if they were my kids, I'd expect the one who got the $500 to fork over $250 to the one who got nothing.

Now, if one sibling graduated and was about to attend Yale, and the other graduated and was about to attend drug rehab or clown college, then I could see it. Or, if one sibling graduated 3 years before the other - maybe fnancial circumstances changed since that gift was given.

OP, you've stripped away some critical info in order for us to be able to judge fairly.

I would return the check that one sibling received and tell the grandparents that they have TWO grandchildren and until they can treat them both the same they can't give gifts.

Anonymous wrote:It's a teaching moment for someone...

Agree. My grandmother was like this. It sucks for the kids, but nothing you can do. Is the grandmother punishing one child for something? No thank you notes in the past? Bad grades? Drinking or other lifestyle choices she doesn't agree with?

If it is the same milestone, how far apart are they? Could the grandparent have forgotten what she gave one child before? My cousin graduated 6 years before her sibling. Our grandmother had to ask her mom what she gave the oldest one for graduation because she couldn't remember and wanted to make sure she gave the same amount.

The same milestone? IE both high school or both college? Or was one in HS and one college?

It's a teaching moment for someone...

siblings

Siblings or cousins?

What would your reaction be to a grandparent who gives one child a huge check for graduation and the other child zero?