I don't know what to tell you OP. My DS is 7, is on meds, and is a lot like your son. He has additional issues and disabilities that also factor in. We are at our wit's end. And he watches no TV (no interested), so that's not an option. Ugh.

Just want to let you know you are not alone. Sad to say, but Misery likes company.

We took a Positive Discipline class from Rene Hackney when DS was very young - before we even had a clue that he had ADHD. I found it very helpful and still use what I learned there (DS is now 10). http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/parentworkshopdescriptions.htm I don't use that technique exclusively. I found 123 Magic helpful as well. The key is to have a repertoire of techniques that you can use.

Have you been to any of the CHADD meetings? http://www.chadd.org/ I found the lectures helpful in learning about why DS acts the way he does and techniques/approaches to use. One of the key things was getting DH to attend. He was diagnosed with ADHD after DS. DH has challenges removing emotions from situations but at least recognizes behaviors and patterns. Since he's on board with things, it makes my job a lot easier. From going to the CHADD meetings, I learned about other resources that have been very helpful.

Finally, it wasn't until DS started medication at age 6 that we really saw improvements. We delayed medication for a very long time and, in hindsight, we could have used it earlier. Benefits that we saw through appropriate discipline, structure, routine, exercise and diet were just too limited. The lack of self control was having such a negative impact on everyone (as your post painfully reminds me). Everyone, including DS, was a lot happier when we found the right medication. HTH.

I found Russell Barkley's Taking Charge of ADHD very helpful.

It's not exactly what you have, but I also liked The Explosive Child. It's about older children, but I found it helpful even so.

Also, I wouldn't feel bad about using videos. Not all the time, but for stuff like making dinner - definitely - don't sweat that. He won't always be like this, and you need to keep everyone safe for now. I found 3.5 the absolute hardest stage in terms of wildness/lack of control.

Where are you located?

Also, for the sensory issues, The Out of Sync Child has helpful suggestions.

My almost 4 year old exhibt pretty much every sign of ADHD (which is in DH's family heavily). We are in the process of getting evaluations, but I'm wondering what has helped parents of young kids with ADHD. We start preschool next year, which will probably give us a fair amoutn of info, but we are needing help at home even--biggest issues are impulsivity, constantlly moving/unable to sit still, need to make loud (and extremely annoying) noises, volatility. We make sure DS gets as much exercise as possible, and structure in his day, but even just the mornings and evenigns we are in transition (coming home making dinner) he can frequently go nuts--has to bang evrything, jump off coffee table, bother his baby sister, run around the house yelling and mauling me---he is always trying to climb on me, jump on me, grab my leg, etc--I guess sensory seeking, not sure. I can engage him in imaginative play pretty well, so we do that every night, and usually also take a walk, but if he does not have 100 percent attention on him, he goes nuts. We can't even sit at the dinner table for 10 minues--he gets up and runs around and even though we tell him that ifhe can't sit with us he must play quietly, instead he bothers us (crawling under the table, bothering his sister, etc) until we're both shouting, or he's in time out, big drama, etc. Its like he just craves attention so much that even negative attention is good. But when we completely ignore him, he just ramps it up and up. He destroyed a valauble piece of furniture the other day when I 'ignored' him.

I feel like our parenting just consists of saying, over and over again, "No" and "inside voice please." He is calmed when engaged (like helping to spin the salad dryer) but its not possible to have every minute planned for him. I find myself just exhausted and sometimes dreading coming home. I hate resorting to videos but I often have to in order to have 15 minutes to be able to cook dinner and watch the baby.

what things work for you? how do you help your child be calm, develop self calming techniques, have the ability to do something by him or herself (that is not destructive). Did you do parenting classes? family therapy? etc?

I hate to admit it, but at times I just find him unbearable. I love him to death, but sometimes I can't stand being around him.