Anonymous wrote:DD is 10 and has major anxiety about sleeping anywhere outside of own home. If we go out of town as a family, she struggles to sleep even if we're in the next room. By struggle, I mean extreme crying and upset to the point of shaking for over an hour. She wants to sleep and is tired, but gets herself so worked up that she can't go down unless either myself or spouse lies with him. This is not generally a problem at home, although she does have some issues if either I or spouse go out in the evening. DD is on anxiety medication and in therapy. We've tried melatonin and have also tried to offer her alternatives when she can't sleep, such as read a book, listen to music, deep breathing, etc. Any suggestions?

There's a behavioral technique called flooding, where you retrain yourself to be calm in the face of a phobia. You might try it with her. It's some work, but it does wonders for phobias. I think it might work for this. You'll have to be tough and let her work through some emotional discomfort, though.

Here's the wikipedia entry on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flooding_%28psychology%29

If you find a CBT therapist who specializes in working with phobias on a short-term basis, he/she will know exactly what to do.

OP, I was like that when I was a child. I could not even sleep at a friend's house who lived right across the street from us. Everything from the lighting in the room, the smell, etc. was too overwhelming for me and I got very anxious.

It will take time and patience. What helped me was to take as many familiar items with me as would fit into my suitcase. Two of my kids have HFA and one of them take meds for anxiety (Not a surprise given my own experiences, right?), and we literally have to take their blankets, favorite cd, etc. with us to get them to sleep elsewhere.

I think she might have gotten to a point where just the anticipation alone is freaking her out enough to send her into a panic attack. Teaching her techniques to help her feel confident might help. Finding something to do when she cannot sleep will likely be key to her success. If she can fall asleep somewhere else "naturally" it will help her feel like there is less pressure on her.

Sorry that link I sent you is for a past class. One upcoming in July in Bethesda and Arlington:
http://imcw.org/calendar/events/vw/3/itemid/229/sm/613/d/20130728.aspx

http://imcw.org/calendar/events/ctl/viewdetail/mid/613/itemid/656/d/20130728.aspx

You can search the calendar here: http://imcw.org/Calendar/Search.aspx

What about progressive relaxation? I had a book similar to this (if not this one):

http://www.amazon.com/Relaxation-Reduction-Workbook-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572245492/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372103188&sr=8-1&keywords=progressive+relaxation+workbook

That went through the steps of progressive relaxation. You can also find CDs as well. Your local library probably has some.

There are also yoga classes for kids that have relaxation at the end and this class:
http://imcw.org/calendar/events/vw/3/itemid/229/sm/613/d/20130224.aspx

It sounds like this is going to take time. She can always have a friend over for a sleepover and if you need to stay at a hotel, I would bite the bullet and have one of the parents sleep with her. A sleep deprived, anxious child at any time is challenging, but especially so when traveling. (I would skip the benedryl--makes me jumpy.)

OP Here. Yes's she's in CBT and they're working on it, but it's still unfortunately getting worse. Each occurence is reinforcing to her that she can't overcome it. We've used Benadryl once or twice, but it doesn't get the job done and isn't a long-term solution anyway. In the scheme of things, we know she'll get through this, but it's very debilitating for her now and prevents her from enjoying vacations or evening going on the occasional sleepover.

Have you tried CBT?

A benadryl tablet can be very helpful in these circumstances. I also would indulge the need for lying down with him/her given the anxiety that is driving it.

DD is 10 and has major anxiety about sleeping anywhere outside of own home. If we go out of town as a family, she struggles to sleep even if we're in the next room. By struggle, I mean extreme crying and upset to the point of shaking for over an hour. She wants to sleep and is tired, but gets herself so worked up that she can't go down unless either myself or spouse lies with him. This is not generally a problem at home, although she does have some issues if either I or spouse go out in the evening. DD is on anxiety medication and in therapy. We've tried melatonin and have also tried to offer her alternatives when she can't sleep, such as read a book, listen to music, deep breathing, etc. Any suggestions?