Your son is your son till he takes a wife but your daughter's your daughter all your life.

totally agree about different expectations.

Based on my experience, it has more to do with the personalities of the individuals. Using myself as an example, I get along great with my MIL and we don't really have to work at our relationship because we naturally get along very well. And I spend a lot of time with my MIL. She's just a really great person and I click with her and trust her very much. My BIL (my husband's sister's husband) is a nice guy but he certainly doesn't have the same relationship with MIL that I do.

On the same token, my parents LOVE my husband and although they like my SIL, I know they wouldn't have picked her to be their DIL. She just has a very different personality than my parents.

I think it is also an overall gender thing---many women tend to care more about their relationships than men do so if they feel that if their MIL/DIL does not like them, they are upset by this. I don't think most men worry as much about that kind of thing. They either get along or they don't but if they don't, they just tolerate the person and move on.

Anonymous wrote:The dynamic between women is usually more complex, and expectations for daughters-in-law are almost always much higher and more complicated.

+1
very true and well said!

Anonymous wrote:The dynamic between women is usually more complex, and expectations for daughters-in-law are almost always much higher and more complicated.

+1

It is at least in part a battle for family culture.

My MIL jumps at men who tell her what to do. It is what she is used to. OTOH, she does not respect herself. Which was telling from my first sentence of this post; but evident in how she treats her DILs.

Women who like themselves don't seem threatened by new women in the family. SILs and MILs who are clannish and critical have their own issues that existed BEFORE the DIL came into the picture!

I dunnoh. There are no DIL's in my family (for my parents), but we all dislike SIL/BIL. However, I'm sure my MIL dislikes me. In fact I know b/c others have told me what she says about me. Doesn't bother me much b/c I dislike and have very little respect for MIL in the first place. I do tolerate and visit her for my kids though.

The dynamic between women is usually more complex, and expectations for daughters-in-law are almost always much higher and more complicated.

I think the OP means that MIL have issues with their sons' wives but do not have problems with their daughters' husbands.

Forgive me if I messed up the plural punctuation.

FWIW - my inlaws like me, but my parents ADORE DH.

Don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:From what I see, MIL problems seem to be limited to DIL/MIL rather than SIL/MIL. Is that true in your experience?

Hunh?

From what I see, MIL problems seem to be limited to DIL/MIL rather than SIL/MIL. Is that true in your experience?