Here's the thing - my mom doesn't live with us, so if she said something like that, I would tell her to go pound sand, politely (e.g., "that's interesting."). But if she is living with you to help you care for your kid, I think the situation is a little different. She has to live in the environment as well, so you can't just tell her to mind her own business. But she should also be helping with the cleaning because she's living there. You could propose a chore wheel with chores assigned to her as well as you and DH. You could also propose splitting the cost of a cleaning service.

Also agree it's a generational thing. My mother told me other married women will judge me by the cleanliness of my house and that once I got married I needed to step it up (this was back on the day after I finished the bar exam and she was harping on me that my un-used for the past 3 months tv had a layer of the dust on the screen....yea mom, studying for the bar or dusting my tv, priorities there).

She's still horrified that I don't routinely wash my walls and take down on the curtains and wash and iron them every season. I've told her she's more than welcome to do these things when she visits (and she also lived with us for 6 months after my baby was born) but I just can't care. So I agree with the "if it bothers you mom, you are more than welcome to clean" sentiment.

"If the condition of the house is bothering you, maybe we could both contribute to the cost of a weekly cleaning person."

Also OP- be proud of your career and what you are able to do at home. Anyone can come and clean your house. It doesn't have to be you.

I would seriously reevaulate this situation,OP. how is she taking care of the baby? I would get a nanny and a housekeeper and be done with it.

Anonymous wrote:"Well, mom, what chores would you like to do?" Tell her to put up or shut up.

+100

My mom says this to me all the time and my baby isn't born yet. It's a generational thing, at least for my mom. She was taught that a woman is judged by the home she keeps and she always kept our house spotless. She cleaned whenever she had "free time." She does not understand why I don't do the same. My house is clean, we have a housekeeper come 2x/month and keep it uncluttered and clean in between. But, it's not as clean as it would be if I didn't work and spent all my time cleaning!

I finally told her that unless she wanted to come over and clean my house herself, that she needed to drop the issue entirely because I wasn't going to change the way I clean. She remains convinced that anyone who comes into my house will immediately lose respect for me (but not DH because cleaning the house is the woman's job). I've made peace with it, there's really nothing else I can do. I'm certainly not going to clean more to meet her insane standards!!

My mom eventually stopped harping on it after I emphasized for the millionth time that nothing was going to change. Occasionally she will complain that I need to starch the drapes or somesuch, but that's about it.

I would also get house cleaners twice a month if you can afford it. I hate spending all of my extra time cleaning.

I'd also consider starting some sleep training. Not having any time to yourself in the evenings must be really rough for you.

I would kick this bitch out of my house! STAT!

"Well, mom, what chores would you like to do?" Tell her to put up or shut up.

Can I make a couple of suggestions? Hire a once a week cleaning lady and tell your mom if she doesn't like it, you'll tell the cleaning lady to not clean her space. Also, consider cleaning up from cooking PART OF cooking. You know that saying "if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out?" Well, cleaning is the same - a part of cooking. So you're not finished cooking until you've cleaned up from it.

Lastly, get rid of stuff you don't use/need. You need so much less than you think. Having a smaller house should HELP you to downsize. On the weekends, plop the baby on the floor on a blanket with toys, park grandma on the couch to supervise, and clear out your clutter.

Tell your mom you KNOW, and you don't need to be told any more. Your mother should either help or keep her mouth shut, but announcing the obvious simply puts more pressure on you and is totally the opposite of helpful.

Tell her she needs to pitch in more. She shares the house with you and is a stay at home grandma. She should help with the common areas and baby's room

Congrats on the baby. You are doing a great job.

If you want a housekeeper, get one.

I feel for ya girlfriend. I'm 55 and my mom STILL makes comments about the state of my house.

We have a 7 month old. I went back to work 6 months ago, and entered pumping hell. My mom moved in with us to take care of LO. She has the entire finished basement to herself. We moved into a new house after LO was born. So, I didn't have a chance to get the whole house ready while waiting for baby. Been slowly finding places for things. Small house. I had a lot of anxiety for awhile about not keeping the house clean enough. I realized that I knew my mom had another pair of eyes on us and since she had free time every night and all weekend, would judge me for not keeping a spick-and-span house. I decided two weeks ago to let go of what I perceived to be her expectations of me and just clean when I could. That has been about the same amount. I seriously clean every chance I have. I spent my one free hour cleaning last night while LO was sleeping. She doesn't sleep well on her own. That hour was a miracle. I clean every morning. I at least try to get all of the dishes done and the table/living room picked up. My husband just did the floors yesterday. Of course, the pre-baby me would have kept the house cleaner, but that's just not possible when my husband is never home and the baby is on me from the time I get home at night until almost the time I leave in the morning. We were making lots of chicken stock, so we have two crock pots on our very large dinner table. I have been so busy, I forgot they were there. Should have been put away last week when we stopped making stock. She cited those as a major issue of contention. But, there is 80% of unused table left to work with! We have a few piles of stuff, but they are rotating piles that we deal with every week. We just throw stuff in a pile in our office or on the stairs until we can deal with it in our free time.

She said to me "I come from the 'Leave It To Beaver' era. Running the household came first before anything else." She was a stay at home mom for almost 4 years. I have worked since my baby was 5 weeks old. I am not a lazy person. She has seen me put my all into taking care of my baby, my family, and my house. We all had to schedule it so that I could have 10 minutes to myself. We would have hired a housekeeper, but she would not have liked that. She does not like non-familial people. I told her that I am not a stay at home mom, so I have less time to work with. And, our house is small, so it takes time to find places for things. She said, "Your father was always bringing stuff home that I had to find a place for. And, we had a trailer, so it was harder to keep it uncluttered."

I was highly offended by her verbal assessment that I don't do enough to keep the house clean.