DH cannot & should not compromise YOUR family's financial situation for a deluded FIL in this scenario (IMO).

It's time for some tough love for FIL, if that's what it takes to make him realize he can't live in this place unless his SO sells hers... You & DH are enabling his narcissism.

DH knows that FIL is terrible with money and constantly urges him to move in with his girlfriend. Unfortunately his home is not designed to have a traditional roommate (his bedroom doesn't have a door). I have mentioned to my husband that FIL should just sell his house and live comfortably from the proceeds. However, his narcissism and pride make this unlikely. I would personally hate to be a burden on my kids...

Good point PP about Brother in law- he might prefer his trailer when all is said and done. His living expenses are minimal.

DH is set up to inherit 51% of the property. We are not in a position to buy Brother in Law out.

Thanks for validating that this is a nutty scenario!

pp here .. FIL is not the only one who has to get his head out of the clouds, DH is up there with him to a fair degree IMO.

This is utterly and completely lunatic asylum insane on multiple levels.

You have my sympathy but this sounds like you need a multi-level intervention -- financial, family relationships, psychiatric (father & your DH) ... what a frickin mess.

Will SO stay in the house if FIL dies first?

Does your DH also get 49%? Who gets the 2%

Your BIL's life may improve if he moved into your FIL's house but you are assuming that BIL sees it that way and would actually move. A man described as a hermit for 30 yrs isn't likely to up and change.

Your DH needs to put the home he lives in ahead of someone else's. The promise of a home at some unknown time in the future is a terrible thing to focus on.

Your DH helping his dad in his old age is wonderful but that doesn't mean he needs to sacrifice and make create financial burdens to do so. In fact, if he asked his dad if creating huge financial burdens was something that was worthwhile his dad is likely to say no. He can help his dad make better and realistic finaical choices. Change is hard. Nobody likes it. But change happens.

It is very difficult to speak with parents/grandparents about finances. Their houses can create so much burden for families. I agree FIL is living beyond his means. Does your husband want to keep this house in the family? Is he willing to buy brother out if he gets half the house. This could drain your family. When my grandmother died my uncle was living in the house. He had not taken care of it when she was alive. It was falling apart and a mess. My grandmother had left the house to all her kids, so the other siblings had to do all the work to clean it out and sell it and deal with my uncle who refused to leave the property for a year. Caused a lot of family strain which could have been avoided if the house had been sold when my grandmother was no longer able to afford to maintain it.

^^^Significant other^^^

OP here. FIL is definitely living beyond his means and has no desire to make any changes. He has a significant offer who spends a lot of time with him- both are financially struggling, but they don't want to sell either of their homes or marry.

Brother in law is in the will to inherit 49% of the property as it is. I suppose the plan is to add some sort of addendum to the will to accommodate the mortgage supplement.

Brother in law has some mental health issues and lives as a hermit 30 miles from the nearest grocery store. It would transform his life to be able to live in that house, but DH feels he doesn't deserve it/won't be able to afford the mortgage or maintain the property well. He currently lives in a trailer that is filthy and poorly maintained.

I am in a marriage where I am financially dependent on my husband, and therefore feel I must tread lightly when it comes to asserting myself about this. His father made a lot of sacrifices to raise him as a single parent and my husband feels beholden to him on many levels. It's hard to know the child needs to become the parent. Until FIL gets his head out of the clouds, this is not going to end well.

it sounds like you know what needs to be done -- the house sold and FIL sort out some retirement based on that.

Have you told your husband all of this?

I can't imagine in a marriage one person unilaterally deciding to pay an inlaw's mortgage indefinitely.

And as for inheritance, it doesn't matter what your husband puts into it. If the FIL has a will, that will dictate who gets what. If he doesn't have a will, it will be split 50/50.

Fil is living beyond his means

Check your FIL's will...

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH on the mortgage? Because when FIL dies and the will says "Split everything 50/50", it won't matter how much DH paid.

+1

Chaco you FIL will. I can't imagine your BIL is not going to get a good chunk wo having to put anything in to it.

It sucks, but sounds like your dh is trying to hold on to it as well.

Is your DH on the mortgage? Because when FIL dies and the will says "Split everything 50/50", it won't matter how much DH paid.

Wow. Sorry, OP. No advice; only sympathy. Sounds like a difficult situation.

Your BIL could/would use the home as a primary residence (if your DH agreed to it)?

DH is planning to help his father pay his mortgage each month. We are a one income family. He is selling company stock in order to pay off his car. He will send his father the equivalent of this payment monthly. I am a small business owner that will eventually earn more when my youngest is in Kindergarten...but perhaps not enough to truly be second homeowners.

FIL is 75 years old. He has a modest SSI income which covers his mortgage but not his living expenses. He basically lives off a home equity credit line that he took out to help him remodel the home. The home has no staircase- but he did put in a wine cellar One has to walk outside to access the lower level of the home. He also has a finished loft in the home but it can only be accessed by a 15ft ladder. The house needs about 100K of work min to be complete. I don't anticipate it will get done in his lifetime.

DH has an intention to pay the portion of the mortgage to increase the percentage of the home that he will inherit. His brother, who is penniless actually could use the home- but my husband does not want him to have it as he put many years into helping his father build the house and his brother has done nothing. FIL wants the home to remain in our family as a second vacation home. I do not really enjoy vacationing there, but could suck it up one week a year. It's a 10 hour trip to get there.

However, what is to be done with it the rest of the year? It needs major remodeling to become a vacation rental property. The cost of maintaining it will be at a minimum $1000 per month with the current mortgage. It is a prime location for tourists and could be appealing f we had money to put into it.

I truly think my FIL ouught to sell it, take his earnings and enjoy his retirement. He leaving us an albatross that my husband will likely never sell.

Our primary residence is in need of major remodeling as well. Our home is essentially a tear down. We are surrounded by McMansions and I would very much like to update it. It's 50 years old and still retains its original mid-century "charm".

Anyone have a similar scenario? Any advice is appreciated.