Anonymous wrote:OP, your sister's behavior is shockingly like my own older sister's - from the relentless insistence that I do things her way to using me to take care of my little niece and nephew (whom I love dearly) . . . even to suggesting that my referring to the man I was dating as my boyfriend was, for some bizarre reason that she never clearly explained, "slutty." I'm very shy and conservative and about as far from "slutty" as a cloistered nun.

Those were the non-problem behaviors, relatively speaking. She became progressively a lot worse until eventually I had to cut off contact. In hindsight I realize I contributed to the problem by tolerating really ridiculous behaviors, and that may be something you might want to consider in your situation. It sounds like you're tolerating your sister's behaviors even though you're unhappy about it. She's not going to start being appropriate when you're still tolerating inappropriate.

I agree with this. the behavior of OP's sister is abusive, and OP sounds under the sister's influence because it seems that she needs her sister's approval. Op, you say that your sister's behavior drives you nuts. you should simply ignore her and actually stop discussing your life choices with her. when she opens her mouth you should tell her that you have made up your mind and do not need her input, and just walk away or change the subject if she insists or says that she will get your dad involved (this is ridiculous, you are not 5yr old). just never, ever engage her, and never ever justify your choices and decisions with her. if she calls you a slut, you need to tell her that insulting you is unacceptable, and that she must apologize. do this every time, and do not let her convince you that you are overreacting. you are not. even if she does it as a joke, this is no loughing matter, it is a form of abuse and you should not accept it.

OP, your sister's behavior is shockingly like my own older sister's - from the relentless insistence that I do things her way to using me to take care of my little niece and nephew (whom I love dearly) . . . even to suggesting that my referring to the man I was dating as my boyfriend was, for some bizarre reason that she never clearly explained, "slutty." I'm very shy and conservative and about as far from "slutty" as a cloistered nun.

Those were the non-problem behaviors, relatively speaking. She became progressively a lot worse until eventually I had to cut off contact. In hindsight I realize I contributed to the problem by tolerating really ridiculous behaviors, and that may be something you might want to consider in your situation. It sounds like you're tolerating your sister's behaviors even though you're unhappy about it. She's not going to start being appropriate when you're still tolerating inappropriate.

Thank you for your feed back, I am 21.

Don't talk about your apartment to your sister until you have your new lease. The conversation should be, "I'm moving to such and such street next Tuesday." and not, "I'm going apartment-hunting this weekend." If she says, "you shouldn't live there, it's too ____," you can respond, "you're probably right, sis, but I already signed the lease." Don't engage with her more than you have too. Anytime, it is perfectly fine to respond, "I'm not discussing this with you." She doesn't have to agree to you not discussing something with her. I have some family members I need to do this with.

How old are you, OP? Good luck with everything!

Whoa! Stop babysitting, find your own apartment - she can only be involved or get your dad involved if you let her.

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing stuff for your sister. I was in a similar position (except that my sibling never helped me with anything). For some reason, they think that because I'm family, I owe them childcare whenever they want/need. I made a mistake of being a babysitter instead of an aunt, and now they resent me for it, because I stopped. I adore my nephew, but you need to cut the strings.

Stop placating your sister's rude and disrespectful behavior, and put your foot down.

Agree. Don't reward bad behavior. Problem solved!

Stop doing stuff for your sister. I was in a similar position (except that my sibling never helped me with anything). For some reason, they think that because I'm family, I owe them childcare whenever they want/need. I made a mistake of being a babysitter instead of an aunt, and now they resent me for it, because I stopped. I adore my nephew, but you need to cut the strings.

Stop placating your sister's rude and disrespectful behavior, and put your foot down.

This is more of a rant... But honestly my sister and her husband drive me nuts. They recently had their first child, my neice - who I am head over heels in love with - she's perfect! And I LOVE spending time with her...

That Said, I am a nanny. I take care of babies 12+ hours out of my day and yet my sister expects me to babysit at the drop of a hat or whatever weeken she chooses to make plans. Never asking: just telling me what I will do... Lately I have been saying no and saying I have other plans. I feel guilty because I love my neice but I have to get my life back.

She and my bil helped me get my apartment in this area, my lease is ending and she insists that she finds my next apartment and if I don't comply with where SHE wants me to live she says she will get my dad involved - I don't know what she thinks she this will accomplish as I am well over 18 and pay my own bills but this is seriously driving me
Batty....
And lastly, since I'm already ranting: she joking calls me a slut all the time, which I make obvious is unwarranted and unappreciated, she also talks down to me about my life choices (none of which are actually anything to be ashamed of)...

All of this is driving me crazy and I would totally appreciate input and perspective.