I think some of the previous posters are wrong that your parents haven't changed but you have. I know that my parents have changed in the way they treat me and my siblings today versus how they treated us when we were younger.
Anonymous wrote:OP--I posted the long response that you quoted. I want to follow up on some of the other posters thoughts. It is good advice to lower your expectations. It sounds bad--like you are holding them to a lesser standard than you feel you should. It is just that everyone is different and you can't expect everyone to behave the way you think they should.
I think some of the previous posters are wrong that your parents haven't changed but you have. I know that my parents have changed in the way they treat me and my siblings today versus how they treated us when we were younger.
As the last poster who says "I don't understand what you want." Anyone who says that either has never had kids or never had siblings who had kids or never had siblings and has no kids. Basically, that person has always gotten the attention. My guess, though, is that they have never been pregnant or had kids and kind of resent you and other pregnant people. I was a little like that before kids. Just ignore her... she is bitter.
Anonymous wrote:I don't mean this unkindly but you're parents haven't changed. You have and so you're expecting them to as well. As a PP said, you need to re-set your expectations. You don't have the family you wished you did and to prevent continued disappointment, you should focus on changing the things you can - yourself. Hugs.
Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you send your mom or dad an email saying youd like them to be more proactive in calling you and checking in. At worst it won't make a difference but maybe they're just giving you space to do this yourself. My stepmom is very much like this, which I totally don't understand but recognize as part of her character and not a slight to me.
Anonymous wrote:Sounds familiar except it is my in-laws. They never visited my husband and only came up, at his request, so they could meet me before he proposed. DH made all the effort. Kids do not change it so prepare yourself for hurt feelings forever. With us, two kids later and they only visit 1 time per year. Only grandchildren--1 time per year. It sounds great to people who have very invasive families but it makes me sad. They stay less than a week. My kids are great but my inlaws are just very self-involved. They don't have to take leave to visit but still don't come. They expect us to visit even though that means traveling far with two little kids and taking leave from work. As weird as it sounds, I think they believe the current arrangement is more convenient for US. They feel like they are imposing when they are here so they never come.
I know I am venting back to you but my main point is that you are hurt and sad that your parents are not involved or feeling interested. I have gone through similar periods with my own parents and I eventually got so resentful, hurt and sad that I exploded into tears to my mom and she was shocked. I think parents of grown children try hard to let us be our own people and try not to inconvenience us. I think that sometimes they worry they will say or do something wrong and one thing they often do wrong is stop parenting us! We still like and want attention even when we are grown up and becoming parents ourselves.
Sadly, though, don't expect things to change. And DO NOT LET IT SPOIL YOUR PREGNANCY! Be a happy momma to be! You will never again be able to eat when you want and not worry about YOUR children so have fun.
One last thought---first grandchildren can kind of rock parents. It is like reality is actually telling them that they are the "older" generation. You and your husband are the new center generation. That kind of reshuffles the whole order of things and some grandparents really struggle with that.
Your feelings are justified but you will find that soon enough YOU will the sun, moon and stars to a little person and that is very very fulfilling.