Anonymous wrote:OP, after you said she sent you a thank you and seemed very gracious, I am on the side of she just probably doesn't realize it. She probably found a photo of HERSELF that she likes best and posted that.

+1. I'd still be hurt, though.

I'm just wondering - she sent you a thank you card, but nothing more? I thought it was customary for the bride to give small gifts to her bridesmaids.

OP, after you said she sent you a thank you and seemed very gracious, I am on the side of she just probably doesn't realize it. She probably found a photo of HERSELF that she likes best and posted that.

I'm more shocked that you kicked your husband and kids out of the house for the weekend for your SIL, not your sister. Do you want a sister and were hoping that the two of you would get close? I'm sorry your feelings got hurt.

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she is generally a considerate person (and from how she responded to all your help she is), I would probably assume it was an oversight on her part. I remember looking through all the pictures of my wedding that people took and finding one that I loved of me and my bridesmaids. I made it my cover photo and didn't realize for a few days that it was missing my maid of honor! I had honestly looked through so many pictures that my bridesmaids became a blur of coral and blue and I didn't bother to actually make sure that everyone was in the picture. I would just comment on it or whatever and move on. Not worth wasting time being upset over something that was likely unintentional.

+1 At my wedding, there are plenty of pictures with me and my family and him with his family but NONE of the me with his family and none of him with my family. We just forgot. This happens.

OP, if she is generally a considerate person (and from how she responded to all your help she is), I would probably assume it was an oversight on her part. I remember looking through all the pictures of my wedding that people took and finding one that I loved of me and my bridesmaids. I made it my cover photo and didn't realize for a few days that it was missing my maid of honor! I had honestly looked through so many pictures that my bridesmaids became a blur of coral and blue and I didn't bother to actually make sure that everyone was in the picture. I would just comment on it or whatever and move on. Not worth wasting time being upset over something that was likely unintentional.

If this is the only time she slights you, in the long run it won't matter, and after a few years, you'll be able to say: "Remember how I went to all that trouble for your bridal shower and then you posted a facebook profile pic with all of the bridesmaids except me? I was SO annoyed!". In a grinning, now-it's-all-over, manner.

Try not to worry about it. It really is not a big deal. She might be thinking of showing her appreciation in other ways. She is also probably busy (I know, you are too!) and thought it was the best pic for reasons of her own.

Let it go, and tell your husband a few minutes of empathy with your sorry plight will not kill him!!!

This is the problem with Facebook.

Exact same thing happened to me with my SIL. Though I wasn't the one who took the lead in all the planning (I was the only bridesmaid with kids, and pregnant), though I did indeed help and participate in planning, and took many calls about wedding drama as I played the role of big sister.

Meh. I certainly noticed that I wasn't in the pictures she was posting, but at this point in her life friends are more important to her than family, and her group of friends is a tight one. I was an outsider in the group. At the wedding I spent time with the family, not the friends. It's the nature of being the family member in the bridal party. She was posting pictures of her friends, not just of her bridesmaids, and there IS a distinction there. Not worth bringing up. Family relationships are just different than friend ones, especially in the world of facebook. I guarantee you that in 20 years she won't still be in touch with all of those "best friends", but she will be in touch with you.

OP here. Thanks for the encouraging words. She was grateful and sent me a very kind thank you card for all of my efforts.

I'd be hurt but also acknowledge that it was totally an oversight and probably didn't even occur to her that you weren't in it.

I would be hurt, also.

But I wouldn't say anything. She might have just liked how SHE looked in that particular photo, and not thought too much about how that photo didn't have you in it.

I agree with the PP to say something nice like 'great pic!' and move on.

Anonymous wrote:The emotional side of my brain would be upset. The rational part of my brain would try to keep it in perspective.

She might just have liked that picture, not because it didn't have you, but just because.

Life is easier if you go through it assuming that folks are not intentionally trying to harm you, recognizing that sometimes people can just be thoughtless. You can feel good about being such a supportive family member, and just remember there will be many more years you will be interacting with this person.

If over time you get multiple examples of her being thoughtless or intentionally dismissive/rude, then you can protect yourself from hurt feelings by distancing yourself from her. Don't have to shun her, just don't go out of your way for her. Just don't let this one thing forever sour your feelings towards her. Give her a bit more time.

Exactly this. You went out of your way for her -- was she grateful? Did she thank you or recognize your efforts?

If not, stop going out of your way for her. Be cordial and nice, but don't offer anything more than you want to, and if she asks for more, just say you have other obligations.

The emotional side of my brain would be upset. The rational part of my brain would try to keep it in perspective.

She might just have liked that picture, not because it didn't have you, but just because.

Life is easier if you go through it assuming that folks are not intentionally trying to harm you, recognizing that sometimes people can just be thoughtless. You can feel good about being such a supportive family member, and just remember there will be many more years you will be interacting with this person.

If over time you get multiple examples of her being thoughtless or intentionally dismissive/rude, then you can protect yourself from hurt feelings by distancing yourself from her. Don't have to shun her, just don't go out of your way for her. Just don't let this one thing forever sour your feelings towards her. Give her a bit more time.

I would probably be hurt too.

I doubt it was intentional, you need to get over it, this is not worth being upset about.

I would take the high road and comment on the pic "you guys look great! What a fun time we all had! Smiley smiley winky smiley" so she knows what a good sport you are.

My sister in law got married recently. She asked me and 5 others to be bridesmaids. At her request, I used my personal connections to get her a huge discount on the bridal shower. I also took a lot of my personal time to compile a special memory book for her, which required obtaining stories and photos from all attendees of the shower. Finally, I hosted the bachelorette party at my house, kicking my husband and kids out of the house for an entire weekend so that 10 of her friends could stay there. Of all the six bridesmaids, I am confident that no one worked as hard on her wedding and pre-wedding activities as me except for the maid of honor. The other ladies just showed up for the parties and helped with minor details.

She just changed her profile picture on facebook. It is a photo of her with all of her bridesmaids EXCEPT me.

Honestly, I know this isn't life or death, but it really has hurt my feelings. I am just so hurt that she excluded me. Even if she liked the picture and I just didn't happen to be in it, I think it would have been nice of her to comment on the photo and give me a shout out.

Worst of all, my husband (her brother) seems to have no sympathy for me and is annoyed that I am hurt by this.

Any advice?