It is not that serious. I feel obligated to give what I want to give. Don't punish my child thinking I will resent you for it. Give what you want, and so will I. I am not giving anybody 500 but if that is within your budget then go ahead and bless that child.

Anonymous wrote:What about a nice check ($200) for example and then at the party or whenver you talk to nephew -- tell him you'd like to get something for him once he starts college. You could send a care package or something for his dorm room like a nice lamp or something. That way SIL wouldn't have to know about it.

Love this idea! Call him once he's settled in and ask what he needs.

What about a nice check ($200) for example and then at the party or whenver you talk to nephew -- tell him you'd like to get something for him once he starts college. You could send a care package or something for his dorm room like a nice lamp or something. That way SIL wouldn't have to know about it.

I ran into this last year and gave $250. The amount of genuine gratitude I received was well with it. I actually thought of giving twice the amount, but worried about it seeming like flaunting.


Two siblings in this family are next. My own kids won't graduate for 11 more years so I didn't worry about setting a standard.

$100 ~ it's a much more common amount.

If you think it will ruffle feathers - rethink the gift.

This.

If you think it will ruffle feathers - rethink the gift.

You said both families are well off - so why not gift a gift instead of money? Something your nephew can use in college / will always treasure?

I would give a $200 gift and not worry at all about it. Your SIL should not feel obligated to reciprocate if it's uncomfortable for her budget.

If you have more money, I think that's nice. We were the poor relations on one side of the family, and the rich ones on the other, and the giving was unequal and everyone was fine with it. Though often my aunt would send me money under the radar screen away from my parents when I was away at school.

Nephew we see once every other year or so graduating hs. We are better of financially than my brother's family. Both families well off but we are more so. We can easily afford a gift of say $200 or even $500, and would happily give it, but I am afraid sister in law, with whom I am not close, will resent me for setting this standard and feel they have to reciprocate in kind when my kids graduate, even though i suspect they would not choose to give such a large gift. Christmas we have always done smaller gifts of 25 or 50, and I have sometimes given the larger amount and she has not said anything, so maybe it will not be a problem. How have you handled this if you have siblings with different means at graduation time?