OP here - thank you all for your advice. I like the suggestion to look for a skills clinic, and I do agree that focusing on one sport would help his skills and thus confidence, but he likes a lot of sports and I feel like he's young enough that I want him to explore different sports for now. We, his parents, don't pressure him at all (we're all about the "good game", "did you have fun?" talks after the game), and I really don't think his coaches or teammates pressure him, either - all his sports teams seem in good fun and I think if my son felt pressured, he'd not want to play. Thanks again for your suggestions.

My 7 year old was like that. He is not naturally aggressive and never went after the ball and seemed happy not to get the ball in a game yet in practice he could do well. We decided to have him specialize in a sport to build skills and confidence. He has now played soccer year round for 18 months (fall, winter indoor, spring, summer camp). As his skills increased so did his confidence. He still sometimes will do another sport along with soccer but soccer has remains his favorite because he became really good.

OP,

Has he actually mentioned this to you? If he hasn't I wouldn't comment on it, especially if he does well in practice and enjoying himself. You (the coach, other parents/kids) might be putting too much pressure on him.

Performance anxiety is normal and is a skill kids work on each time they play a game. Pointing it out to him might make him feel more self conscious.

It very well could be that he knows that his own parents are watching and expecting him to do well. You might be the type who follows the ball up and down the field or court and are loud without realizing it.

Having coached boys in that age group half of my life I have had to counsel parents many times to tone it down because they were making their kids nervous.

Anonymous wrote:DS age 9 loves sports - basketball, baseball, flag football, soccer, etc. He is a competent athelete but not a natural one. His big problem, however, is that he gets so anxious when the ball is passed to him or it is his opportunity to make a play, that he flubs it and/or literally shies away from the ball/opponent. He does fine and even well at times at practice, but he's like a deer caught in the headlights during actual game time. I know many young kids get nervous during games, but this is a step beyond "typical" nerves and he can't seem to get past it. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I help him relax during the moment of play? Thank you!

OP, perhaps you should try enrolling your DS in a clinical basketball program or a program that teaches the fundamentals and does not focus so much on scrimmages and real games. He can play in the real games but it sounds like he may not have the fundamentals of the game down yet, which may give him confidence in real play. My DS who is 10 has been taking fundamentals class every Saturday for about 3 years. He used to complain that they never played real games. Once he tried out for his school's basketball team, he easily made the team and the coach commented that he was one of the few boys that had the basketball fundamentals mastered. It has given DS the confidence to play in any pick up basketball game and on his school team. There is one program called Northwest Stars that plays at Rock Creek Forest Elementary in Chevy Chase/Silver Spring.

gosh, this is my son too!! i really could have written your post. wish i had some good advice - we're in the thick of it.

Keep emphasizing the fun part, not the winning part or being a perfectionist. I think many professional athletes have therapists to deal with their sports-related anxiety.

DS age 9 loves sports - basketball, baseball, flag football, soccer, etc. He is a competent athelete but not a natural one. His big problem, however, is that he gets so anxious when the ball is passed to him or it is his opportunity to make a play, that he flubs it and/or literally shies away from the ball/opponent. He does fine and even well at times at practice, but he's like a deer caught in the headlights during actual game time. I know many young kids get nervous during games, but this is a step beyond "typical" nerves and he can't seem to get past it. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I help him relax during the moment of play? Thank you!