When my mother-in-law passed away, my husband received many cards addressed/directed solely to him, all of which were greatly appreciated. That being said, because I was close to my mother-in-law (not always common, I know) and was also grieving, I was appreciative and grateful for those friends and family members who also included me in their condolences. I was not offended or upset by those who addressed their cards solely to my husband (they were extremely thoughtful and kind), but now I make an effort to include the spouse/children when sending sympathy cards.

Never too late. People grieve for a long time, and it's nice to know that someone is still thinking about their loss with sympathy.

Is there a point at which a card is too late. My sense is that even several months later a thoughtful note might be appreciated-- it's not as if anyone forgets a loss-- but I wondered...

Anonymous wrote:No. It isn't fine to send a commercial sympathy card. You write a note of.sympathy . It is gauche to do otherwise.

Yes, I'm sure the dead and grieving family members care about whether a freakin' card is "gauche" or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if there are different last names? Can't write "The Smith Family" b/c the mom has a different name (and it's her family member who passed).

When my father died, lots of people sent sympathy cards to me, to my family. I didn't care one whit whether they used my maiden name or married name, or sent a pre-printed card, wrote it themselves, or hand-whittled it from stone they grew organically. I was just touched that people cared for me when I was hurting.

100% this

Anonymous wrote:What if there are different last names? Can't write "The Smith Family" b/c the mom has a different name (and it's her family member who passed).

When my father died, lots of people sent sympathy cards to me, to my family. I didn't care one whit whether they used my maiden name or married name, or sent a pre-printed card, wrote it themselves, or hand-whittled it from stone they grew organically. I was just touched that people cared for me when I was hurting.

If it's your friend's mom, you can send it to her if it's her DH's mom and you aren't close with him, you can write it to the whole family. A sympathy card is fine with a message from you with a memory and kind words. I agree that the sympathy cards with a poem on them are not ideal, but one that says With Sympathy, is fine.

What if there are different last names? Can't write "The Smith Family" b/c the mom has a different name (and it's her family member who passed).

No. It isn't fine to send a commercial sympathy card. You write a note of.sympathy . It is gauche to do otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:Although you didn't ask... according to one of the manners gurus it's never appropriate to use a store bought card with a pre-printed message, you're supposed to handwrite the message.

Not that I care much for etiquette, but I think it's perfectly fine to find a tasteful and simple "condolences" pre-printed card, and then also include your own message. I found a lovely simple one at Target recently, but added personalization.

Although you didn't ask... according to one of the manners gurus it's never appropriate to use a store bought card with a pre-printed message, you're supposed to handwrite the message.

I always send it to the family. so Larla Silver's dad died, and I send the card to Larla's house and address it "Silver Family".

I agree with PP. The exception might be if you were close with this friend and their parent- i.e. you and her were neighbors growing up and you knew her mom well in that context. In that case, you'd want to write about your relationship together etc. which would be more directed towards your friend.

I would address friend and family, ie "Dear Jane and family"

Address your friend if that's the person you are closed with, but extend condolences to all. Something like:

"My thoughts are with you and your family, and wishing all of you strength and peace during this difficult time."

If a friend's parent passes away, is it proper to address a card to the friend and their spouse? The whole family? Or just to friend? I am thinking friend and spouse, to be inclusive, but not to whole family since kids are not going to be reading sympathy letters?