Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 20:14     Subject: Re:Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
I think the eye rolling is hilarious. I love it.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 12:46     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Anonymous wrote:DD was boy crazy, actually a slut, as a teen. She is now a kind, caring woman and we are very close. She lives across the lane from me in the same TH complex.


You better hope she doesn't post here! A lot of identifying information, and you called her a slut to boot.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 12:35     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So for those who have "nightmare" tween girls, which tack do you take? Insisting that she still be polite toward you? Or silently gritting your teeth and knowing it will probably pass? I don't want to be unreasonable but I don't want to let eye-rolling, sneering, etc go by without some kind of small message that it's rude, etc.


What I did was call my mom and say, "Tell me what I was like at 15." Her giving me her side helped me see things with DD more broadly. I let a lot slide. I re-read How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen or whatever it's called. I reminded myself of how my heart would sink when my mother would ask an innocent question because I was BUSY and why couldn't she just LEAVE ME ALONE.

So I found ways to leave DD alone while also being there for her. I don't get into power struggles over saying please and thank you as long as I keep getting feedback from other adults that she's polite, because it means she hasn't lost the skill. I do insist that food and food-garbage is not kept in her bedroom, but letting it get messy with clothes and papers is fine. She can ask for my help cleaning when she wants. Let things slide, OP.


OP here. This is a great post, thanks! And thanks to everyone for contributing.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 12:29     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Anonymous wrote:So for those who have "nightmare" tween girls, which tack do you take? Insisting that she still be polite toward you? Or silently gritting your teeth and knowing it will probably pass? I don't want to be unreasonable but I don't want to let eye-rolling, sneering, etc go by without some kind of small message that it's rude, etc.


What I did was call my mom and say, "Tell me what I was like at 15." Her giving me her side helped me see things with DD more broadly. I let a lot slide. I re-read How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen or whatever it's called. I reminded myself of how my heart would sink when my mother would ask an innocent question because I was BUSY and why couldn't she just LEAVE ME ALONE.

So I found ways to leave DD alone while also being there for her. I don't get into power struggles over saying please and thank you as long as I keep getting feedback from other adults that she's polite, because it means she hasn't lost the skill. I do insist that food and food-garbage is not kept in her bedroom, but letting it get messy with clothes and papers is fine. She can ask for my help cleaning when she wants. Let things slide, OP.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 11:03     Subject: Re:Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Ugh, the eye rolling, I hate that.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:48     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Anonymous wrote:So for those who have "nightmare" tween girls, which tack do you take? Insisting that she still be polite toward you? Or silently gritting your teeth and knowing it will probably pass? I don't want to be unreasonable but I don't want to let eye-rolling, sneering, etc go by without some kind of small message that it's rude, etc.


Well, I haven't totally figured this out but I am trying to pick my battles. I don't want to tolerate rude behavior but I'm willing to let other things slide ... just have to pick what's important so we arne't fighting 24 hours a day.

The thing I have the most trouble ith is burn out. My tween also has ADHD and anxiety, for which she has therapy etc., but this combined with the moodiness and rude behavior, lack of compliance with house rules, school issues, etc. etc. is frankly wearing me out. I often feel like I just need to get away from her. Trying to make sure DH takes up his fair share and make time to get away, etc., but it's not easy.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:45     Subject: Re:Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
My dd acted very stubborn and selfish as a way to hide her emotional state of being. She was very over emotional about EVERYTHING and coped by acting like she could care less and developed a f you attitude. Once I kinda figured this out I would approach her in a more open ended fashion. Whenever she would get really 'lippy" or rude I would give her a chance to redeem herself/confide in me by asking something like "OMG you seemed so stressed out, what kind of day did you have?" or "How did XYZ go today?" or "Whats going on with So&So?" It worked about 40 percent of the time, the other 60 I just got use to. Agreed with pp who said 12 to 14 is the brunt of it.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:41     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
So for those who have "nightmare" tween girls, which tack do you take? Insisting that she still be polite toward you? Or silently gritting your teeth and knowing it will probably pass? I don't want to be unreasonable but I don't want to let eye-rolling, sneering, etc go by without some kind of small message that it's rude, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:40     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
DD was boy crazy, actually a slut, as a teen. She is now a kind, caring woman and we are very close. She lives across the lane from me in the same TH complex.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:34     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
I didn't like my daughter very much when she was a tween--so much attitude! But by the time she was 16, things started to get better, and she's now a lovely adult woman that I get along very well with.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:20     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
We're going through this too, OP. DD will turn 12 next month and she is, quite frankly, a nightmare.

My DS went through a stage like this too and he's now a very reasonable 14 year old, so I have hope.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:08     Subject: Re:Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Anonymous wrote:My stubborn, opinionated DD is now in college. Still stubborn and opinionated but more likely to ask for and listen to advice now that when she was 13. And I like that she is stubborn and opinionated- keeps things interesting.


Ha! I can see this being my DD in 6 years. Funny!
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 10:02     Subject: Re:Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
My stubborn, opinionated DD is now in college. Still stubborn and opinionated but more likely to ask for and listen to advice now that when she was 13. And I like that she is stubborn and opinionated- keeps things interesting.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 09:37     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
Oh yeah, we were there. My older daughter is now approaching 16, and she's gotten much better. The worst years were 12-14 for her.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 09:28     Subject: Tell me about your wonderful little girl who is now a grouchy tween....
I know this is totally normal. I remember being a girl/preteen, etc. But I just wanted to hear from other moms who are going through the "My lovely little lady is now a grouch a lot of the time."

Hormones, yes, I know! Testing the waters, yep. I just wanted to hear others' comments. Also wouldn't mind hearing from moms of girls who went through this and are now tolerable late-teens / young adults now. Thanks.