Are you depressed OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone get over this affliction? Did you use a therapist? My clothes have holes in them and I haven't had a haircut in well over a year. My dh is embarrased and we fight every few weeks about this issue. Logically I know I need to just spend money on myself but I put it off and put it off. Ugh. Any tips?

Do you plan to bury money with you when you die or are you planning to save a lot of money for your DH to get a younger wife after you die? If not, spend on what are needed(hair cut and replace clothes have holes).

One of my favorite billboards is the one with a corpse in a coffin with bags of money and it reads, "you can't take the $ with you!!!' Who knows what it's for, but when you see a corpse while driving down the highway it leaves a lasting impression!

How about if your husband buys you gift cards to a salon and department store? That way the money is already spent and you just need to redeem the cards.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone get over this affliction? Did you use a therapist? My clothes have holes in them and I haven't had a haircut in well over a year. My dh is embarrased and we fight every few weeks about this issue. Logically I know I need to just spend money on myself but I put it off and put it off. Ugh. Any tips?

By your self something nice from the thirft store. This was still hard for me but I got over it. I still don't spend a lot of money but I have at least a couple of nice enough pieces that my spouse turns thier head.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone get over this affliction? Did you use a therapist? My clothes have holes in them and I haven't had a haircut in well over a year. My dh is embarrased and we fight every few weeks about this issue. Logically I know I need to just spend money on myself but I put it off and put it off. Ugh. Any tips?

Do you plan to bury money with you when you die or are you planning to save a lot of money for your DH to get a younger wife after you die? If not, spend on what are needed(hair cut and replace clothes have holes).

I am like this. I think it is self-esteem related with me. I don't feel like I deserve to buy anything for myself. I feel really guilty when I do.

Do you have a job? If so, you're costing yourself money since people will be judging you. Honestly this is really bizarre behavior/ borderline hoarding to me.

I second the idea of therapy. Being paralyzingly cheap is just as bad as frittering all your money away on silly stuff...the goal is to have a balance in your life. It sounds like part of your motivation might be fear (did you ever have a time in your life where you were very poor?) and the goal of the therapy would be to address that fear, not merely to get you to spend money. The money is just the symptom of something else going on.

I did CBT for another issue and it worked well for me -- it's very focused, action-oriented, not a lot of "well, tell me about your childhood" yammering. There's some of that because sometimes our childhoods or traumatic events do cause us to behave in certain ways. But it's more of a focus on fixing disordered thought processes, rather than talking about them forever.

Good luck OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need to visit a cognative behavioral therapist. They deal with things like this - specifically getting you to cope with the anxiety you feel before you spend money.

I used CBT with another issue and it was awesome.

she probably won't spend the copay to see the therapist, though.

Lol this is true. Even worse we are in a high deductible plan. Ugh!!!

Anonymous wrote:Echo PP, if you actually feel anxiety at the thought of spending money.

If it's just that you enjoy saving, take pride in it, then you are my DW, who is also frugal to the point of absurdity.

We addressed it in our budget. Before, we had no line item for things like clothes and haircuts - that was just part of household spending. When meant she would buy something for the house before she would buy something for herself.

Now each of us has $50 a month to spend on ourselves, any way we want. It doesn't always work, but she has taken to saying "well, I could use my $50...." when she sees something she likes.

Op here. My dh has also implemented the line items in our budget for just this reason. But it isn't working yet for me. Maybe I do have anxiety. I feel my stress comes from the fights with dh but I am not particularly good at recognizing my own feelings. CBT sounds interesting. Thanks pps.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need to visit a cognative behavioral therapist. They deal with things like this - specifically getting you to cope with the anxiety you feel before you spend money.

I used CBT with another issue and it was awesome.

she probably won't spend the copay to see the therapist, though.

Echo PP, if you actually feel anxiety at the thought of spending money.

If it's just that you enjoy saving, take pride in it, then you are my DW, who is also frugal to the point of absurdity.

We addressed it in our budget. Before, we had no line item for things like clothes and haircuts - that was just part of household spending. When meant she would buy something for the house before she would buy something for herself.

Now each of us has $50 a month to spend on ourselves, any way we want. It doesn't always work, but she has taken to saying "well, I could use my $50...." when she sees something she likes.

This sounds like you need to visit a cognative behavioral therapist. They deal with things like this - specifically getting you to cope with the anxiety you feel before you spend money.

I used CBT with another issue and it was awesome.

Oooh, I don't know, but I think I am the same. At least you recognize it is a problem - blush.

Anyone get over this affliction? Did you use a therapist? My clothes have holes in them and I haven't had a haircut in well over a year. My dh is embarrased and we fight every few weeks about this issue. Logically I know I need to just spend money on myself but I put it off and put it off. Ugh. Any tips?