just send what you have. and a mothers day baby shower sounds like a terrible idea to everyone except the mom to be and the grandmother to be.
i wouldnt worry about the book thing - its a popular baby shower thing and i think its not uncommon for people to skip it esp if they dont attend the actual shower. you could always pick a book and write a sweet note and send it when the baby is born.
fwiw, my sil had a shower hosted by the other side of the family. my mil decided instead of inviting me and any other family or friends from 'our' side of the family she would send us a letter - not an invite - with instructions on how and when to send a gift to the shower we were not invited to so my sil could open presents from us at her shower. and then she repeatedly called me to check in on me and make sure i was sending a gift. to be clear, the host (my sil's mil) was happy to include our side of the family - the gift grab letter was my mil brillant idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lotd! Stop making a federal csse and just send what you bought. Maybe this will be your first lesson of motherhood: don't sweat the small stuff.

OP here. I was venting--sometimes a person needs to do that, especially a sleep deprived new parent. I know this little incident seems petty, but it was sort of the straw that broke the camels back after a long winter of IL crap.

But you're right....I need to learn to let it all go, listen, smile and nod when the ILs irritate me and move on. Life is too short for this stuff.

OP, vent away. Your feelings are valid.

My MIL is the same way with me vs her daughter. I'm
Pregnant with her first grandchild, but she acts like I'm kind of disrupting her life, and all she talks to me about is how wonderful her 30 year old dd is. I find it off, and strangely hurtful.

Anonymous wrote: send the gift you bought. The registry info should have been included in the email. I wouldn't feel bad about not sending a book or buying a gift on the registry.

+1

Do what you were planning to, and make no apologies. There will be SOOO many more opportunities where you have to make decisions that are good for you and your family and not so much anyone else.

Congratulations on the new baby...I'm also looking forward to celebrating my FIRST mother's day, too!

Just send what you bought and enjoy YOUR Mother's Day. My IL's are the exact same-- so much indifference over our baby, materialistic, etc. It's the thought, not the gift that counts!

I'd buy a book to add it and make it out from your baby to his or her new cousin. That's the relationship that will matter.

This may just be me, but I would not sweat not buying off the registry. I would buy a book and write a nice note in it to the baby welcoming him/her into the family.

Anonymous wrote:Good lotd! Stop making a federal csse and just send what you bought. Maybe this will be your first lesson of motherhood: don't sweat the small stuff.

OP here. I was venting--sometimes a person needs to do that, especially a sleep deprived new parent. I know this little incident seems petty, but it was sort of the straw that broke the camels back after a long winter of IL crap.

But you're right....I need to learn to let it all go, listen, smile and nod when the ILs irritate me and move on. Life is too short for this stuff.

send the gift you bought. The registry info should have been included in the email. I wouldn't feel bad about not sending a book or buying a gift on the registry.

Good lotd! Stop making a federal csse and just send what you bought. Maybe this will be your first lesson of motherhood: don't sweat the small stuff.

It sounds like you chose a great gift. You are under no obligation to choose from the registry. Just send the gift and feel good about it. A Mother's Day baby shower was a pretty boneheaded move.

Anonymous wrote:No one says you have to buy a gift from the registry or give a book. Send the gift you bought and spend the day happily with your family.

Exactly.

No one says you have to buy a gift from the registry or give a book. Send the gift you bought and spend the day happily with your family.

Two months ago, I got an email save-the-date for my SIL's baby shower. She lives four hours away, the shower is on Mother's Day, I have an eight week old, so I sent my regrets to the host, who asked for rsvp in the email. I don't particularly love my SIL (she has major, major issues with boundaries) so I am not heartbroken to miss the party. Plus, this is my first Mother's Day and I want to spend it with my new baby and husband. I purchased and wrapped a gift for the new mom/baby and they have been sitting on my desk waiting to go in the mail. Well, yesterday, I got the actual invitation and it asks that guests include a book instead of a card to build baby boy's library and a reminder to "peek" at SIL's registry. MIL called to gush over the cute etsy invites and to chat about what book she was picking out, what to get from the registry, etc. Well, I didn't buy from the registry (didn't know about it and bought Aden and Anais swaddles and toys) and I didn't buy a book and now I feel bad. And I'm annoyed b/c I've already gone through the trouble to pick out a nice and useful gift for someone I don't even like that much, and now it doesn't seem good enough. This seems like such a gift grab--and who hosts a shower on Mother's Day?I think part of me is also hurt b/c MIL and FIL are making such a fuss over the arrival of this baby (their son and DIL) while with my dd, they have been so "meh" (long and complicated story of hurtful behavior) Sorry to vent so much, but would rather do it here than to dh.