Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:49
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
As I have gotten older (I'm over 45), I've become more sanguine on this issue. I have several friends (both male and female) who engaged in affairs with married people. My male friend did it because he was in a truly miserable marriage (he had moved into their basement) and was just staying in the house for the sake of his kids---he thought his wife was a lousy mother and wouldn't leave until he thought his kids would be okay alternating between residences.
My female friends both had affairs with married men when they were single women. They weren't looking to break up marriages and they weren't interested in long-term relationships with the guys---they just genuinely liked the companionship of the guys in question. I do not think either one of them would do it again---they are generally honorable people and were at sad and lonely points in their own lives (one had just lost a parent, the other had just gotten divorced).
So while I am sure that there are a lot of slutty, low-self esteem, selfish sorts of all types who engage in affairs (I worked with someone who was a serial cheater on his wife and completely amoral about it), I also think that basically nice people can be flawed and human as well.
My female friends both had affairs with married men when they were single women. They weren't looking to break up marriages and they weren't interested in long-term relationships with the guys---they just genuinely liked the companionship of the guys in question. I do not think either one of them would do it again---they are generally honorable people and were at sad and lonely points in their own lives (one had just lost a parent, the other had just gotten divorced).
So while I am sure that there are a lot of slutty, low-self esteem, selfish sorts of all types who engage in affairs (I worked with someone who was a serial cheater on his wife and completely amoral about it), I also think that basically nice people can be flawed and human as well.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:37
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much the husband complains about the wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up families with children?
OP -
You may have your own filters so it may be hard for you to understand. But if you want an honest answer, this would be what I would tell the wife of the man that I fell for.
I didn't set out to have an affair. I never thought I was the type of woman that would be put into those shoes. It had been a while that someone gave me that type of attention and I genuinely felt a deep connection to him. So our relationship evolved from professional, to friendship, to romantic over about a period of 6 months.
He had similar needs and we both filled a void that we had at the time. Was it selfish? Yes. Was it wrong? Yes. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I go there again? No. Because when reality sank in, I regretted the hurt I caused his wife. I regretted the damage I caused to my own marriage and family.
I wish you well OP and hope you find the closure you are looking for. Ultimately, your issue is with your spouse not the other woman. Does he regret what happened and will he do it again?
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:35
Subject: Re:What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
My H had an affair. He had low self esteem and was suffering from depression. Some people drink sorrow away, he used a woman. I mean used.
His friends call women 28-32 easy pickins. They hear the tic, tic, tic and they are freaking out and they need a H because their younger self imagined going into their 30's married. They go from only dating single, never married, college educated, with a job to whatever they can get their hand on once they see he sun setting.
When they wake up at 35 and are still not married and they do a lot of counseling they usually realize they can even see the horizon.
It is sad. Not only did my H have an affair but I have multiple female friends have affairs. Many lost custody of their children. It's pathetic.
His friends call women 28-32 easy pickins. They hear the tic, tic, tic and they are freaking out and they need a H because their younger self imagined going into their 30's married. They go from only dating single, never married, college educated, with a job to whatever they can get their hand on once they see he sun setting.
When they wake up at 35 and are still not married and they do a lot of counseling they usually realize they can even see the horizon.
It is sad. Not only did my H have an affair but I have multiple female friends have affairs. Many lost custody of their children. It's pathetic.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:34
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you asked your question in a pretty loaded way, so I can't help but get the impression your DH as a "friend."
What do you mean? You are having an affair?
No, but your anxiety is clearly misdirected. Twice, now, with that question.
The question should read "What type of MAN has an emotional affair? I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much you complains about your wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up your family?"
Seems to me OP is typical of the person who wants to paint other women as sirens which her dear sweet DH couldn't resist -- he was just TOO defenseless.
Your DH is the one who made a vow to you -- HE is the one you need to be thinking about.
You have a good point but your post sounds really strong and vindictive.
Just tired of women excusing the poor behavior of their men by acting as though the men were tricked. It's pathetic.[/quote
I'm aware that it's a two-way street. I don't know where you get this "defenseless" men angle from. But it does take TWO to tango.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:34
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
The men are pathetic and so are the women who cheat.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:30
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you asked your question in a pretty loaded way, so I can't help but get the impression your DH as a "friend."
What do you mean? You are having an affair?
No, but your anxiety is clearly misdirected. Twice, now, with that question.
The question should read "What type of MAN has an emotional affair? I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much you complains about your wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up your family?"
Seems to me OP is typical of the person who wants to paint other women as sirens which her dear sweet DH couldn't resist -- he was just TOO defenseless.
Your DH is the one who made a vow to you -- HE is the one you need to be thinking about.
You have a good point but your post sounds really strong and vindictive.
Just tired of women excusing the poor behavior of their men by acting as though the men were tricked. It's pathetic.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:28
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you asked your question in a pretty loaded way, so I can't help but get the impression your DH as a "friend."
What do you mean? You are having an affair?
No, but your anxiety is clearly misdirected. Twice, now, with that question.
The question should read "What type of MAN has an emotional affair? I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much you complains about your wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up your family?"
Seems to me OP is typical of the person who wants to paint other women as sirens which her dear sweet DH couldn't resist -- he was just TOO defenseless.
Your DH is the one who made a vow to you -- HE is the one you need to be thinking about.
You have a good point but your post sounds really strong and vindictive.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:26
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you asked your question in a pretty loaded way, so I can't help but get the impression your DH as a "friend."
What do you mean? You are having an affair?
No, but your anxiety is clearly misdirected. Twice, now, with that question.
The question should read "What type of MAN has an emotional affair? I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much you complains about your wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up your family?"
Seems to me OP is typical of the person who wants to paint other women as sirens which her dear sweet DH couldn't resist -- he was just TOO defenseless.
Your DH is the one who made a vow to you -- HE is the one you need to be thinking about.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:24
Subject: Re:What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Flawed people with low self esteem and a broken moral compass. Unfortunately, that's like 90% of the population, both men and women.
Don't blame just the women, either -- if you're talking about affairs with married men, those men are also responsible for their actions and are actively breaking up their own families. In fact, I'd argue that they are much more responsible, since if the woman they were having the affair with were to stop, those men would just find another woman.
I personally would never cheat (and I think DH is the same) but everyone involved in this sort of thing need to take responsibility -- men and women.
Don't blame just the women, either -- if you're talking about affairs with married men, those men are also responsible for their actions and are actively breaking up their own families. In fact, I'd argue that they are much more responsible, since if the woman they were having the affair with were to stop, those men would just find another woman.
I personally would never cheat (and I think DH is the same) but everyone involved in this sort of thing need to take responsibility -- men and women.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:22
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you asked your question in a pretty loaded way, so I can't help but get the impression your DH as a "friend."
What do you mean? You are having an affair?
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:22
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:Sleazy, slutty self absorbed women. The only women I know who did this had very low surf esteem. She tried to prove her self worth by "stealing" other women's men.
I get this sense when reading the intimate and sexual chats between the OW and DH. OW mentioned that there was a young attractive Italian guy flirting with her in the coffee line and she felt the need to share it with my dh - maybe to validate herself more and to make DH jealous.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:20
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
OP, you asked your question in a pretty loaded way, so I can't help but get the impression your DH as a "friend."
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:19
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Sleazy, slutty self absorbed women. The only women I know who did this had very low surf esteem. She tried to prove her self worth by "stealing" other women's men.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:17
Subject: Re:What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Lonely, unfulfilling marriage - mine, not his. Want the attention and sexual validation.
Anonymous
04/16/2013 09:15
Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much the husband complains about the wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up families with children?