Pretty sure my mom is a narcissistic

What's NPD?

A dear friend of mine grew up with an NPD mother. She is recently married, and her new husband has been having a lot of difficulty understanding the dynamic in her family. Since you all seem well read on this subject, Does anyone know of any resources that might make this relationship more comprehensible for him?

I recommend CODA.org and ACOA.org - read books, go to meetings, etc.
(even if your parent was not alcoholic, it is for those with dysfunctional parents of a certain type, and narcissistic usually fits the bill)

OP, can you share the website address? I'm pretty sure my mother (and her mother) have NPD. I'm also worried that I could develop it without careful attention to my actions. I catch myself saying and doing things that I know are narcissistic, and it's gotten worse since having kids. Because I recognize that my mom and grandmother have this problem (and my father, to a lesser extent--probably a reaction to my mother), I'm hopeful that I will be able to manage my own narcissistic tendencies. At least I can admit that I have this problem, unlike the rest of my family!

Hi all. I am also with you guys on this one. It is my sister. She is classic NPD. My mother died when I as in my 20's (now I am 40's). Mom was not NPD. My Dad seems to be NPD or at least has strong tendencies. He and I are not very close, we talk about 2-3 times per year. My sister had always been difficult, but we had done okay and she was the only close family I had. Then, I had a severe two year illness, where I went through the wringer and a big medical nightmare....and guess what? She got mad because I couldn't be there for her exactly like I always had been (no understanding of my illness), and so she did this distancing thing where she hasn't cut me out of her life, just barely responds in conversation, won't call me, etc. It is all a bunch of games and ridiculousness. I am wondering whether to try to work out a way to deal with it or to cut it off. For now I just don't talk to her much.

Advice - look at your spouse. People who grew up with Narcissists tend to be attracted to them. Your spouse may not be full NPD, but may have some tendencies. Mine does have some tendencies. Then, also, we who grew up with them are usually co-dependents. Co-dependent does not only refer to those in relationships with addicts. It is about dysfunction. We had to deal with our narcissistic parents somehow, and if we didn't become narcissistic ourselves, we usually became co-dependents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is NPD. I cut off all contact about 2 years. The best decision I've ever made!

+1

Me too. A lot of people don't get it, and they think family is family and you should tolerate your relatives. I got sick of tolerating abuse and I knew the only way to move on (because she would never change) was to cut ties. I'm sad that it came to that, and I'm sad that my actions have hurt my mother (as far as I can tell, she might be hurt and it's not for show). But honestly, if someone is so incredibly toxic and harmful to you, you can choose to end the relationship.

I am right there with you! People place far too much emphasis on 'family'. If I wouldn't tolerate that behavior in non-family, why should I tolerate it just for the sake of 'family'? How does that make life better for anyone other than the asshole?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is NPD. I cut off all contact about 2 years. The best decision I've ever made!

+1

Me too. A lot of people don't get it, and they think family is family and you should tolerate your relatives. I got sick of tolerating abuse and I knew the only way to move on (because she would never change) was to cut ties. I'm sad that it came to that, and I'm sad that my actions have hurt my mother (as far as I can tell, she might be hurt and it's not for show). But honestly, if someone is so incredibly toxic and harmful to you, you can choose to end the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:My mother is NPD. I cut off all contact about 2 years. The best decision I've ever made!

+1

My mother is NPD. I cut off all contact about 2 years. The best decision I've ever made!

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was NPD. So is my ex husband. We divorced.

Lol! I had to check the date of this post to see if I wrote it!

My MIL was NPD. So is my ex husband. We divorced.

Oh darlin', welcome to our world. There are several of us with NPD parents on DCUM, so you'll find understanding here. I've known about my mom's diagnosis for about a decade. Here's what you have to accept: she will never change. So, your choices are to move on and live your life without her or to find a way to live with it. Only you can decide what you can tolerate and what's right for you. There's no one right answer. For me, the right decision was to try and find a way to live with it. I found the tips and tricks in this book to be helpful (http://www.amazon.com/Children-Self-Absorbed-Grown-Ups-Getting-Narcissistic/dp/1452654263). We still definitely go through phases when things are better and times when they are not. I just try to stick to my boundaries and if I need to limit contact for awhile during a nasty phase, I do. Time heals a lot. But it's a life-long struggle.

what's the website?

I just found a website devoted to narcissistic parents and my mother fits almost all of the criteria. I've always known that something was "off" with her, and she seems to find delight in making me miserable any chance she gets. I'm honestly at my wit's end dealing with her and I'm considering cutting off all contact until she figures out how to act differently. Has anyone else had experience with a narcissistic parent? If so, how do you handle it?