Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will get by. See if youcan cut your hours and earn less. That way you can also get some assistance

This is what is wrong with America.


Are you including any child support and alimony in that $60,000? I think with the parameters you list (no car payment and low mortgage) it can be done. Do you really want to share a 1 bedroom with 3 people though?

It's what is right with America. She could take advantage of a temporary safety net until she's back on her feet.

How is she going to "get back on her feet" by working fewer hours just to qualify for welfare?

Caring for two toddlers is a huge strain on a marriage. Is it possible that things could get better? It did for me, and I'm happier than ever now. But I know every situation is different. FWIW, I was going to be managing on less, and having to pay rent somewhere and I thought it could be doable.

You never stay in a marriage for financial reason or for children. You will be miserable! You stay because you love your spouse and want to build something together, when/if it doesn't work, it is time for you to go, regardless of how hard it is. You will make it! Your child will be happier, it is better for children to be in 2 homes than to be raised in a broken home. I don't believe the only reason why someone should leave is because they are being abused, are you people for real? So unless someone is being abused, if they are miserable , they are supposed to stay and deal with it? I was making the same amount of money when I left my marriage and I had a toddler as well, no alimony, no child support, no family around, no friends, I won't say it is easy, but you get used to it, learn what's important and in the end you are happier and I never regretted my decision a bit. My child is happy and so am I. I will never stay in a marriage for financial reasons and a lot of women stay in bad marriages for fear, fear to make it on their own, fear of society, fear of the unknown, ect but you know what, in the end you will be alright and stronger! Do what feels right for you and your children, and good luck!

OP, Maryland does a report on the self-sufficiency standard for different sized families. You would need to earn about $77,000 to be self-sufficient in MoCo with a preschooler and elementary-aged child. That assumes day care costs for only one child. You can find the different income requirements here:

http://www.selfsufficiencystandard.org/docs/Maryland2012.pdf

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will get by. See if youcan cut your hours and earn less. That way you can also get some assistance

This is what is wrong with America.


Are you including any child support and alimony in that $60,000? I think with the parameters you list (no car payment and low mortgage) it can be done. Do you really want to share a 1 bedroom with 3 people though?

It's what is right with America. She could take advantage of a temporary safety net until she's back on her feet.

If you leave, he'll very likely get 50/50 custody. So, take that into consideration with your expense analysis. It almost assumes like the toddlers will be living with you full-time, and that's unlikely.

Do you want your kids with him alone and whoever he is dating that week where ever he can afford to live?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will get by. See if youcan cut your hours and earn less. That way you can also get some assistance

This is what is wrong with America.


Are you including any child support and alimony in that $60,000? I think with the parameters you list (no car payment and low mortgage) it can be done. Do you really want to share a 1 bedroom with 3 people though?

During my early single mom days, I survived on half that without child support. Alimony, ha ha, what's that?

With a one bedroom she can put the toddlers in the bedroom and she can sleep in the living room. Heck yeah, it can be done.

Anonymous wrote:You will get by. See if youcan cut your hours and earn less. That way you can also get some assistance

This is what is wrong with America.


Are you including any child support and alimony in that $60,000? I think with the parameters you list (no car payment and low mortgage) it can be done. Do you really want to share a 1 bedroom with 3 people though?

You will get by. See if youcan cut your hours and earn less. That way you can also get some assistance

Anonymous wrote:Anyone doing it and am I insane for considering it? I'm so over my marriage. I have a newish car that's paid off and a 1 bedroom condo that's almost paid off, so aside from childcare costs, I don't have any big bills. Please talk me into/out of this.

What is your reasoning for wanting to leave? It is hard to advise you one way or the other (at least any advice worth anything) unless you share what is going on? Is it just that you want a change of pace? Is it an abusive situation (mental, physical etc) People on here telling you to leave or stay without having all (or even some) of the facts would not be fair to you or your children.

Unless he's beating you, is a pedophile, and/or is an addict try to get some counseling and hang in there for as long as possible (with both in elem school). I became a single mom with a toddler and six year old on much less than $60k with a pretty sizable rent and childcare costs. I come from a highly dysfunctional family and didn't have much of a network of friends at the time, it was brutally hard, emotionally, physically, and financially. One is in college now and the other is a teenager. I'm here to tell the tale, you can do it if you must.

If you don't have a network of family and/or friends who can support you...the lifestyle is hard as hell. However, in hindsight, I would have still become a single mom, it was the best decision for me and my kids.

Agreed with pp....maybe it's a rough patch....talk to eacother, etc. with my first dd our whole marital dynamic changed and it took 2yrs for us to be us again and redefine our priorities and just grow up.

I thought that if I could manage financially, it'd be ok. It wasn't. Biggest mistake of my life. Children deperately need fathers. Unless he's beating you, try to let it pass. Get counciling for yourself if you can. Build a support system. Let go of some of the issues go if you can. Use us to vent.

Anyone doing it and am I insane for considering it? I'm so over my marriage. I have a newish car that's paid off and a 1 bedroom condo that's almost paid off, so aside from childcare costs, I don't have any big bills. Please talk me into/out of this.