Anonymous wrote:A PP, we are one of those families who gives nicely to the AF of our children's schools. Contrary to your assumption, however, we have never had grandparent help with our children's tuition, or our own university/graduate school tuition for that matter. Some families, similarly situated, just ask more of themselves when making an AF donation.

We give "nicely" too - about $300 per kid each year (2 different schools). It's what we can afford. The schools are appreciative.

Anonymous wrote:$500 - $ 1,000 per school.

No way. We have kids in two prominent privates in DC and give $250 per year to each. Period. And I expect to be thanked for it.

Compared to other metropolitan areas, DC-area private schools do not ask too much in the way of AF donations.

FYI - You can designate your not-for-profit school as the recipient of your United Way donations. My husband does this. (His company strongly encourages all employees to participate in United Way - this way he participates, and donates to the school)

We don't donate much at all (less than $100). Instead we contribute to hosting parties at school. The school seems fine with us.

I try to contribute 1-5% of tuition a year to the annual fund/benefit. I'm in a similar position as you. Not making tons of $ but paying full tuition myself.

I also give as part of the United Charity Campaign at work, though payroll deductions. Not sure if you can do that or not. I like that its a fixed cost each month and I don't have to think about it.

A PP, we are one of those families who gives nicely to the AF of our children's schools. Contrary to your assumption, however, we have never had grandparent help with our children's tuition, or our own university/graduate school tuition for that matter. Some families, similarly situated, just ask more of themselves when making an AF donation.

OP--the pressure to give will continue and you really should just give what you can afford.

Two thoughts:
First, one gift you are giving to your children is that they will receive requests to give generously from their schools for the rest of their lives. I am only sort of kidding because I went to a private school and get requests all the time. I don't think my parents gave much over and above the full tuition they paid. I would say alum donations are minimal both in terms of donors and amounts donated. I actually think that is also true about lots of parents. Just try to remember that the school has to ask and ask because lots of people plan to give and forget or delay or procrastinate even though they always plan to give. So for the school, asking and asking isn't necessarily about getting money from the same people over and over but more about getting something from as many people as possible, keeping in mind that at any given moment people are in different stages of readiness with regard to making donations.

Also, the fact that you are paying full tuition is huge. Financial Aid is a big deal and LOTS of parents get it. Lots of the same parents are driving expensive cars, have second homes, lavish vacations and dress in expensive clothes. FA is given out even when you would think it should not be--as in you might think FA should be to people who cannot afford it rather than people who spend their money on other things and take reduced tuition as well. So, as those people drive in their fancy cars and pay 75% tuition (about $7000 off these days) and spend $500 or $1000 at the annual auction or loudly tell you they think a good parent donation is "at least 1000K," keep in mind that you are probably still ahead in terms of what you are contributing to the school on a yearly basis.

If you give a straight check, then the fact that you made your donation is not "lost" on the school. However, if you are being careful about your finances, then perhaps it is more beneficial to get something you can use for your money at a school auction. I have lived in various places, and DC-area private schools are reasonable about expected AF donations.

For the most part, our overall charitable contributions didn't change with DD's enrollment in private school; we shifted some from one recipient organization to another. And to get a feeling of what would be appropriate, I looked at the annual report to see what families similar to ours (at least on the surface) were donating.

But when you look at those annual reports, don't get too discouraged by how much some are giving. We discovered that many of the most generous parents were not paying any tuition, the grandparents were. Couple that with a Big Law salary, and it is a lot easier to be generous.

Participation at any level is important, as the level of participation figures into other things (matching, grants, rankings, etc).

You can also give your time.

I always send a check as soon as the annual fund begins each year - then no one has to waste time calling me, sending me solicitations, etc.

Do they prefer a straight check, or do they prefer you bid and buy auction items?

I think $250 is fine. You give what you can afford.

$500 - $ 1,000 per school.

I've seen similar posts but would like fair suggestion on
How much we should donate to our childrens private schools.

We are solid middle class in DC and have 2 kids in two different private schools. We chose private as our local public was
Really bad, academically, socially, on all levels- (both kids spent 3/4 years in DCPS). Also, our kids have mild Learning disabilities and needed more help than public would
Provide, so the "choice" for private wasn't much of a choice as both kids were basically failing in DCPS. Both continued to be
Promoted because of No Child left behind.

I believe That each family should give what they can afford but feel so much constant pressure to "give generously", even though there isn't much left to give. We, by no means live a fancy lifestyle with new cars or vacations. We do contribute to retirement.
We pay full tuition for both, zero Financial aide. Believe me, it is tight as our HHI is just under $200K (Nurse & Federal gov researcher).

What is expected, giving wise, for a family in our position.
Please, no snark.