We have a 15-year-old who just spent a year at a tyerapeutic boarding school in massachusetts called Academy at Swift River, after being kicked out of 8th grade for fighting and bullying behaviors. We have good and bad things to say about it. I'm sorry you are having these problems; we had similar worries about the effect on his brother and sister, and our peace and sanity at home. Before the chool, he spent a couple of months at a wilderness therapy program called second nature in Georgia. He and we thought it was an excellent program. All of these are very, very expensive. Please ask any questions you might have about either program and i will answer them.

Google therapeutic boarding schools for some ideas on the types of programs out there. Many teens who are struggling mentally/emotionally will start out for several months in a therapeutic wilderness program and then on to a therapeutic boarding school. The programs that provide different supports. Because of this many people use a specialized educational consultant to help identify the appropriate program for your family. I have a family member going through this now. Many programs are out west. They are life changing but very expensive.

OP here. Thanks for the thoughtful responses. I agree that he needs a more treatment-based option. And he is not a bad kid---he's a scared kid and a traumatized kid---but he definitely has flashes of sweetness and I believe he is capable of turning around his behavioral issues if given a good treatment environment.

It sounds like he needs a mental health based program as many of his issues likely stem from attachment issues, trauma issues, and all the related problems.

I would look for a structured therapeutic program that understands mental health rather than just seeing him as a behavior problem. Unless he can develop another identity, he will likely live up to your identification of him as the problem, bad child in the family.

No personal experience, but here is a list of residential treatment centers in Maryland. And some information on what they cover and how to pay for it. I have heard some good things anecdotally about the one at Shady Grove.

http://www.mdcoalition.org/resources/childrens-mental-health/155-residential-treatment-centers

Just to give you moral support, I know of a family who sent their son to military school in NC after he got kicked out of DeMatha. It's been a few years and the boy now thanks his parents for it. So things can get better. Never perfect but better.

I went to boarding school when I was in high school and so I will give you my perspective:

Boarding school isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. You need to find a boarding school that is a good fit for your son. Some are designed as college prep programs, others are designed for slight behavioral problems, others are designed for kids with serious behavioral problems that have involved legal problems.

You are right to be concerned about your son meeting "bad influences" because that is exactly what happened to me. I needed structure that my parents couldn't provide me, so they sent me to a school for children w/mild behavior problems (co-ed military environment). I had never smoked weed or done other drugs, had only been to a party w/alcohol once or twice, didn't smoke cigarettes. Learned all of these things and more at boarding school. Fast forward 20 years and I am one of the minority of my graduating class who graduated college in a timely manner, went to grad school, have a good job, etc. I attribute it to the fact that college and beyond was never NOT an option in my family, but it could also have to do with the fact that the school I went to gave us discipline but didn't really provide the tools for succeeding on our own.

I agree w/what another posted has stated, ask your son what he wants to do. Don't just drop the bomb on him that you are sending him away. If he is part of the process in choosing his destiny it is much less likely that he will rebel and end up getting himself kicked out of whatever solution you end up deciding upon. If he is taken kicking and screaming to some boarding school/treatment facility, chances are that you are going to waste your money as he will get kicked out and not learn anything that will help him/your family.

15:07, do you happen to recall the name of the NC(?) facility?

to other PPs---I am consulting with the therapist but want to cast a wide a research net as possible.

Can your therapist or social worker give you names of such schools?

You might try posting in the special needs section.

I am familiar with two girls who have gone to such places (in North Carolina?) and done very well as a result but their situations might be different.

What does he want? Would he prefer to be there or at home with you?

Has anyone had success sending an adolescent son to a boarding environment (military school, other treatment type facilities) for oppositional defiance issues? Therapy (and we have tried several) is of limited efficacy, and the issue is that we have other children whose childhoods are being adversely impacted due to their brother's behavior---including an escalating propensity for violence. Our DS was adopted as an older child---so the issues run deep and are not of our making---but we are now at the point that the welfare of the family of a whole is being compromised by the behavior of one.

One of our big concerns is that a boarding environment might just introduce other behaviors (such as substance abuse issues) that currently aren't an issue.