Tough love message that I don't have time to tone down: OP, you'll do much more damage to your family by doing what you propose than by sticking around. Of course your children need their mother more than money...what are you thinking? Plus, consider the tragic message you'd be sending to them. Eventually, when they are old enough, they'll think of you as weak and a quitter unwilling to do what it took to provide for her family, rather than the selfless martyr I think you are envisioning. They will have a cross to bear. They'll forever be the kids of that woman who committed suicide...and they won't have a mother to turn to when they are feeling haunted by your death. You talk about your husband remarrying. Are you truly willing to risk him marrying a woman who doesn't care for your children? Frankly, I think what your are contemplating is the height of selfishness, not selflessness. So what you're educated? Getting a fucking waitressing job if you need to. Get two of them. Throwing in the towel should not be an option. Call a suicide hotline now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to state this first- not trying to be morbid- but some life insurance policies do not pay out for suicides. I just wanted to throw that out there.

REGARDLESS you are more vaulable to your family than any amount of money. It sounds like you are despair right now, but you WILL make it work. Know you do have options and seeing a financial advisor or someone will help you.

Even if you *think* your kids and DH would get over it, you have no idea. Your DH could fall into a depression, lose his job, not be able to care for the kids, its not worth it.

I think you should reach out for some help to try and restructure your debt and also to get some counseling for your feelings. This will pass, please do not give up.

I think this is actually the case with all life insurance policies.

Oh yes she posted that. I should read better!

bankruptcy atty and antidepressants.

Good luck, OP, it WILL brighten up!

OP, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you've hit a really rough patch but as bad as things may seem to you right now, it's never "too late" for you to have a good life. I've suffered through some pretty dark days myself, when it was hard to see a light at the other side but eventually (with help) I got there. Please think about how you would have felt losing a parent at such a young age. Your kids need a mom far more than they need extra money. Suicide is NEVER the answer!!

Talk to a bankruptcy counselor and please, please get some help for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:I am going to state this first- not trying to be morbid- but some life insurance policies do not pay out for suicides. I just wanted to throw that out there.

REGARDLESS you are more vaulable to your family than any amount of money. It sounds like you are despair right now, but you WILL make it work. Know you do have options and seeing a financial advisor or someone will help you.

Even if you *think* your kids and DH would get over it, you have no idea. Your DH could fall into a depression, lose his job, not be able to care for the kids, its not worth it.

I think you should reach out for some help to try and restructure your debt and also to get some counseling for your feelings. This will pass, please do not give up.

I think this is actually the case with all life insurance policies.

I am going to state this first- not trying to be morbid- but some life insurance policies do not pay out for suicides. I just wanted to throw that out there.

REGARDLESS you are more vaulable to your family than any amount of money. It sounds like you are despair right now, but you WILL make it work. Know you do have options and seeing a financial advisor or someone will help you.

Even if you *think* your kids and DH would get over it, you have no idea. Your DH could fall into a depression, lose his job, not be able to care for the kids, its not worth it.

I think you should reach out for some help to try and restructure your debt and also to get some counseling for your feelings. This will pass, please do not give up.

OP, I'm going to treat your question seriously rather than as the cry for help it is presumably intended to be. But I have a question for you: have you ever lost someone you love? Would you trade that person's life for any amount of financial resources? I lost my mother at the age of 37, and there is nothing I wouldn't give to have her back. And that was an adult. No amount of life insurance will ever begin to compensate for the harm that you would do your children to lose their mother in childhood.

I have student loans and some financial pressures, I understand the feeling of desperation. But it's a profoundly false logic. Please, call a hotline or go to anyone you trust and let them help you find the help you need - help navigating your financial problems, and much much more.

Anonymous wrote:Why not declare bankruptcy? That's another way to wipe the slate clean.

Also, OP, would you have preferred to grow up without a mom? Can you imagine the pain you would put your kids through? You will get through this -- don't do it to your kids.

Student loan debt isn't dischargeable in bankruptcy. Nor in death, I think.

Anonymous wrote:Why not declare bankruptcy? That's another way to wipe the slate clean.

Also, OP, would you have preferred to grow up without a mom? Can you imagine the pain you would put your kids through? You will get through this -- don't do it to your kids.

If student loans could be wiped out through bankruptcy I would do it in a New York minute. But student loans, unlike other types of debt, are forever. It is very rare that a court will discharge them -- most bankruptcy attorneys won't even file the papers anymore because the chances of success are so slim.

I know my kids would miss me at first. But they are pretty young and would bounce back. I'm sure what whoever my husband married after I was gone will be a much better mother than I am anyway. He would be sad for a while, but I know he would move beyond it, he's very resilient that way. I otherwise have no desire to die, but I just can't see any better way out of this.

Why not declare bankruptcy? That's another way to wipe the slate clean.

Also, OP, would you have preferred to grow up without a mom? Can you imagine the pain you would put your kids through? You will get through this -- don't do it to your kids.

OP, please please don't do this. Maybe a meeting with a bankruptcy attorney would give some ideas on how to proceed. You are very clearly in crisis, but you are needed by your children and family.

Anonymous wrote:Your children need a mother more FAR than they need "financial freedom".

Agree completely. But if that doesn't sway you, remember that without you, your husband will have to pay someone to do many of the things you do now. Childcare, carting kids to activities after school, makin dinner, cleaning, etc. don't undervalue the financial value of your contributions.

Also, please see a counselor and start working through this stuff. You owe it to your kids (and yourself!) to get emotionally healthy.

Agree with the above poster. Your life is worth more than any life insurance policy, especially to your kids. You definitely do not want to leave a legacy of suicide, because your family will struggle with this for years, and your children might some day use your actions as a model for their own behavior.

Your children need a mother more FAR than they need "financial freedom".

I am a SAHM with over $100k in student loan debt. I "flunked out" of my field, for lack of a better term, and am pretty much unemployable (and even if I was employable, child care and commuting costs would eat any income I made anyway). My DH also has a great deal of student loan debt (more than me) but he is actually using his degree. Our financial situation is getting desperate, i.e. we are facing a choice between forgoing health insurance and defaulting on student loans. (We applied for a high deductible plan but I was turned down by three different companies, and yes, we've tried to work with the loan servicer to keep the payments doable. A deferment/forbearance wouldn't help because we'll be no more able to make the payments a year from now). We have very low housing expenses for our area, no cable, never go out to eat, DH drives an old car, there is no "fat" in our budget. We do have life insurance on both of us for a decent sum. With me out of the picture, he could pay off the house, his student loans, what little other debt we have, and still have money left over to put in a college fund for the kids. Plus, with no rent or student loan payments, he would have plenty of money to hire a nanny before he remarried.

How does it not make sense for me to give my family the gift of financial freedom and relieve them of the burden of my mistakes? (Suicide is not excluded from the life insurance plan). My parents want to help and have even talked about liquidating their retirement savings but I can't let them do that. Only death will wipe the slate clean. It is too late for me but I want my children to have a good life. From a purely financial perspective, wouldn't this be the best gift I could give them?

P.S. If your response is "you should never have had kids", save it. Things were not always this bad for us and my kids are the only redeeming thing I've ever done in my life.