Thanks for the advice guys. I like the idea of a mediator. I must find a dual language one or a translator since they only speak German but it is doable. Also, if I needed to spend the trust to support my nephew, I will do that. But I'm not really sure of the terms, must talk to trustee but I also want to prove I can raise him w/o the trust so I get custody. Immediate needs first and figure the rest out in a safe, stable environment. My rental covers mortgage, taxes and insurance with a little but like $8k additional every year. I'm not married but I have a wonderful, supportive long term boyfriend. I don't think they really have a case; I know anyone can sure over anything (oversimplification but basically), it just makes me sad that this is taking the focus away from the baby.

You are not poor. Also, if the child's parents were paying into it, you will receive a monthly check from social security for his care.

Anonymous wrote:You are not poor, but the SIL's parents are in pain. They've just lost their child and you have their link to him, while they live far away. I'd try to find a family counselor or mediator to help you through this, as they will always be the boy's grandparents and deserve to have a relationship with him as well (not custody, but a relationship) Perhaps a mediator could help remind them that it was their daughter's wish for him to be with you. Best of luck.

This is great advice ... and you are far from poor!

You are not poor, but the SIL's parents are in pain. They've just lost their child and you have their link to him, while they live far away. I'd try to find a family counselor or mediator to help you through this, as they will always be the boy's grandparents and deserve to have a relationship with him as well (not custody, but a relationship) Perhaps a mediator could help remind them that it was their daughter's wish for him to be with you. Best of luck.

It sounds like you are actually doing pretty well for yourself, and clearly the parents wanted you to be the one to raise your nephew. I am so sorry you lost your brother and SIL; that is incredibly tragic. I hope everything works out for you.

How much money did they leave, and how much access do you have to it? I am a single woman with a young child and am in the process of making a will and designating where money goes when I die. I absolutely want some of it to be used to support my child's lifestyle as they grow up, and I want the guardian I choose to benefit as well so they can focus more on taking care of the child. If they have made some of it available to you, by all means - use it.

You are not poor at all, and if I were your BIL / SIL, I would want you to tap some of the assets while he was growing up to provide for him in terms of activities, etc. A childhood with opportunities would take priority over an early adulthood with a trust, but if you can do both all the better. Just mentioning this b/c you mentioned trying not to touch - I don't think accessing the funds to benefit him would be a bad thing.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Does the rental property income cover the entire mortgage and prop tax on that place?

What's the mortgage at your residence?

Anonymous wrote:You are not poor, they are just attacking you. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I hope you have a good lawyer and they had a well done will.

+1

Not poor. Could definitely support a child.

You are not poor, but as a single parent you will find your money does not go as far as you expect. I think your plan to give him the entire inheritance at age 21 is ill-thought out. Firstly, it is not affordable and you would be better off spending that money on some of the things he needs over the next two decades. Secondly, in my experience handing people a large chunk of cash at age 21 does not do them much good in the long run.

A great education and stable, loving environment to grow up in are the best inheritance a child could ask for.

Honey, as long as you're financially stable, have a good job, a steady income, and a safe place to live, you're fine. Clearly your nephew's parents wanted him to live with you regardless of $$ and left him money (life insurance) to cover the costs of guardianship and college.

I'm sure it's overwhelming---but the other point is that being poor does not mean being an inept parent. Nothing in child welfare laws in this country says that children have to live with rich parents!!! Plus if they left custody to you and left a trust (who is the trustee, you?)

Reach out to any support systems you have.

Thanks for the feedback. I am just a little overwhelmed with all of this and I don't know how much it costs to raise a kid in the city. Reading the DC mom boards it seems damn near impossible. I'd be willing to move out of DC. Whatever is best for the kiddo but damn this legal battle is really unnerving me.

You are not poor, they are just attacking you. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I hope you have a good lawyer and they had a well done will.

I am a single woman, who is about to get custody of my 2 year old nephew who adores me because my brother and sister-in-law passed away unexpectedly. Out of nowhere, my sister-in-law's family wants to sweep in and take the nephew to Switzerland and raise him there AGAINST the wishes of my brother and SIL who wanted their son to grow up with me. The Swiss family's whole case is that I am unfit to care for the boy because I am poor. I hardly think I am poor but what do you think?

I was an attorney but no longer practicing, make a $110,000 govt salary, have $100,000 in retirement, own 2 houses in NW DC -- one is rental income -- drive 2009 prius, and I guess those are most of my assets. I have $70,000 in student loan debt and $450,000 in mortgage but both properties have appreciated to probably $775000 total. I just can't believe that's not enough to raise a child. Brother and SIL left their estate to their son, including full college tuition, but I hope not to touch it except for college until he turns 21 to get full amount of the trust.