OP,

If other kids are accepting play dates, then I would focus on those kids. I would not talk to this kid's mom or tell your son anything directly. If he asks, just say, "You know, we tried having Stevie over and he's always busy. Let's ask another friend?"

Honestly, it's not mean to not accept play dates.

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the other mom is going to say if put on the spot?

"Oh you know Jacob mentioned that your Johnny is a bit of a dork. Jacob doesn't hang out with dorks."

She isn't going to be honest. She is going to say that Jacob thinks Johnny is awesome and that they have been busy that's all.

I wouldn't. I would say, "Oh, thanks for asking. I think Steve is focused on other kids right now but I'll get back to you if that seems to change."

Why would it occur to you to mention *why* Steve isn't into the other kid?

What do you think the other mom is going to say if put on the spot?

"Oh you know Jacob mentioned that your Johnny is a bit of a dork. Jacob doesn't hang out with dorks."

She isn't going to be honest. She is going to say that Jacob thinks Johnny is awesome and that they have been busy that's all.

Anonymous wrote:I'm new to the playdate thing. Would it be wrong to ask the mom? "Sally, Jed wants to invite Steve over for a playdate but I get the sense that Steve would rather not. That's totally fine of course, all kids prefer some to others. I hope you don't mind my asking but I didn't want to keep inviting Steve over if he's not up for it."

not op, but i really like this idea - i find it very easy to talk to other moms of kids at our school, even if our kids aren't besties...

I like PPs suggestion about redirecting your son to other playmates. I'd stop inviting that kid.

Anonymous wrote:I'm new to the playdate thing. Would it be wrong to ask the mom? "Sally, Jed wants to invite Steve over for a playdate but I get the sense that Steve would rather not. That's totally fine of course, all kids prefer some to others. I hope you don't mind my asking but I didn't want to keep inviting Steve over if he's not up for it."

so would this be considered rude?

kids are busy these days - I wouldn't take offense only based on this. Are they friendly otherwise? Is the mom nice?

He's just not that into you.

I'm new to the playdate thing. Would it be wrong to ask the mom? "Sally, Jed wants to invite Steve over for a playdate but I get the sense that Steve would rather not. That's totally fine of course, all kids prefer some to others. I hope you don't mind my asking but I didn't want to keep inviting Steve over if he's not up for it."

Just to clarify- they are both in first grade. The is just older because he has a summer bday.

Honestly, I am surprised at how much this is affecting me. I feel so sad for him I want to cry. How will I possibly survive the teen years when they are really MEAN to each other? And I have a girl too!

I'd stop inviting the boy, at least for a little while. You've made it clear that you're interested in getting together, so the ball's in his court now.

I'd probably just tell my son the truth. "We've asked Eddie over several times, and I don't think he's interested. How about we invite Joey instead? You and he seem to have fun together and he is always up for coming over!"

Sounds like something is not meshing; I would stop inviting him, but not take it personally. Your son has other friends, so it's OK to move on, for now at least.

Inviting an older boy over -- bad plan.

My son is 6 and in first grade. He has had a few boys over and a few have reciprocated. There is one boy in his class that we have invited three times and he can never make it. I know he goes to other houses, and my son knows this too. So it's not like he doesn't go on play dates. He has never invited my son over. My son is asking, yet again, to invite him, and frankly, I am embarrassed to keep asking. My son sort of looks up to him - he is older, taller, and "cool" - I feel bad for my son but I don't know if repeatedly inviting him is the answer