OP - Kick this woman to the curb. Even if you weren't struggling with infertility, her warped perspective and lack of compassion for people who are dealing with IF reveals a really ugly side. I don't want friends who are so insensitive and lack compassion, regardless of my circumstances. You deserve better.

OP: I am very sorry. It sounds like she was once a close friend. Now pretty much out of bounds -- that is sad. Maybe you can patch it up some years later (after infertility).

OP - I'm so sorry your friend said those things to you. I would cry as well. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she will realize anything on her own. We all have those friends that no matter what, they will never realize and if we say anything, they will still not realize. it really sucks and is a hard call as to what to do.

I do want to wish you good luck if you do another ivf (or whatever treatment is next). Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

OP here. Thank you everyone for your support. It's been over a year since she said those things to me so I highly doubt that she will realize it on her own. I've cried about what she said a couple of times already. I know the saying that people can only hurt you if you let them, but it's just hard not to let it hurt me.

I know it's too late for this, but perhaps as a note of caution to others going through IF treatments... the fact that your (former?) friend kept pressing about what the issue is seems like a red flag. For me, very few people knew of what I went through, and those who did knew to ask the right questions. And, if they ever got close to a question that I was uncomfortable with, if I said, "I don't want to get into that right now," they dropped it. An appropriate response to that is simply "ok if you ever want to talk about that, just let me know." That's it. A friend should respect your boundaries to begin with and shouldn't keep pressing you for details that you have clearly not shared.

Among the insensitive things people could possibly say to someone going through infertility, what your friend said was probably the worst. If it were me, I'd stop being friends with her period. If she asks, I'd tell her so hopefully she won't say the same dumb thing to others in the future.

We adopted and when registering my DS for Pre-school ran into a neighbor who asked me why I was there. Then who is DS (in front of him), and then preceeded to ask Why did I have to adopt? My response - I wasn't as lucky as you to get pregnant in order to get married young. (just in case she forgot)

Ran into her husband five months later in Grocery Store. I knew him first anyway, she had never mentioned that our kids were even in same preschool. When I complimented DD. He was complimentary to me and wished me well. (Willing to place a bet on how long this marriage will last)

Her I avoid like the plague at Preschool Him I speak to.

While I can't relate to this specific situation, I'll just say that I think some friendships aren't worth it - the older we get, the harder friendships are to come by. And those we keep are work. I have learned in the last few years that when it's more work (even emotional work) to stay friends with someone, it's not worth it. It might mean fewer friends, but that's the price to pay for not feeling bad about a situation - or yourself.

I am sorry OP but she sounds horrible and unworthy of being your friend. There is saying something stupid and then there is what this person did and they are not the same thing. I am sorry you are going through this. If you say something there is no garauntee you will get the response you want. Just let it be. Good luck to you and everyone else on this horrific journey.

I think I'd have a really hard time staying friends with someone who could be so rude and insensitive. I think it's also obnoxious that she pressed you for details on the problem. It's times like these that you find out who your true friends are. If she realized later what she did and apologized that is one thing, but it doesn't sound like she did that.

Is this a longtime friend? If not, then forget her.

But if she's a longtime friend, good friends are hard to come by. I know sometimes even I can make stupid comments every once in a while. Maybe she just had a really, really bad blonde moment and I would let this one thing, even though it's huge, slide and not say anything. I'm sorry about your situation and that your friend couldn't be there for you. I recommend you find a support group for infertility - I bet there's a few out there in this area where you can find the support you deserve.

I'm sorry, OP. She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. I might address the comments with her, if she genuinely apologizes and seems to get where you're coming from, I'd give the relationship another shot (assuming you enjoy her company, etc). If not, I'd cut your losses.

OP: I am sorry that your friend said that. We struggled with infertility for nine years (twins). We were also old by the time it worked. Yes, my friends would make remarks like that and terribly hurt my feelings. I do not know why friends say things like that, but it certainly is not helpful nor friendship building. Why, why do friends say things like that? I have to say, of my wide circle of friends and acquaintances, only 3 refrained from that kind of insensitive talk. One was infertility also -- a true blue friend. The other had those kind of invincible manners --would never say that. Actually she did, then apologized saying that she hadn't thought what that would sound like to me. The 3rd also had lost a baby. People just do not think! For some on the borderline, it was the end. For others, later they understood how insensitive they had been. Again, I am sorry. After some time, I only talked to other infertility patients about these issues.

My DH and I have been struggling with infertility for three years which included 3 failed IUIs and 4 failed IVFs. We have severe male factor and now I am also old (40). When we began our fertility treatment, I really needed to talk to someone so I told one friend (who I thought was a good friend) that we were doing ART. I did not want to share the details of our problem, but after being asked numerous times and thinking that she's a trusted friend, I told her that we have male factor. Her response was - so all those years of not wanting to get pregnant, you didn't even have to try. She then brags about her husband's virility and says all she has to do is use her husband's toothbrush and she can get pregnant. She then said she could never do ART because she would never want to be a martyr. I've talked to her once or twice since that conversation (over a year ago) when I accidentally picked up her call and only about generic things. I have been thinking about this for many months now and don't know if I should tell her that her comments were insensitive and hurtful? Is it even worth saying anything to her?