Anonymous wrote:It's easy to idealize someone you never had to navigate marriage, parenting, and aging with.

+1.

I had a very intense love before meeting my current partner of 8 years.
I'm still friends with him and we talk to each other periodically.
I still love him and care about him but in a completely different way.
I'm actually very thankful that I didn't marry him when he asked. He's just nowhere near where I want to be.

There was one that got away (OTGA) for me, in high school. The last I saw here was when we both happened to be at the DMV. She was getting a new license because she got married, and so was my first wife. I kept her in the back of my head for so long because nobody I was ever with compared to her in terms of compassion, integrity, and basically being a good person--until I met DW. Until DW I didn't realize that I had been looking for all the wrong things in a partner. DW destroyed my OTGA crush because she far surpassed even my idealized memory of OTGA's qualities.

I still google her occasionally, but that's just curiosity. She stayed married to that first guy (of course she did), and seems to have a happy life, which makes me happy too.

Unfortunately I feel like this about my ex, the father of my child. We literally got pregnant the first time we had sex, and the shock of the pregnancy broke us up. (His decision, not mine.) We have a great coparenting relationship, but I've always wondered what would have happened if we'd gotten pregnant later in the game and managed to make it work. It does affect my dating, because it's hard to find a guy who can compete with the cool/nice/smart/funny/cute guy who also happens to be the dad of my kid. If this were a romance novel or romcom, we'd be married by now, but in real life...

It's easy to idealize someone you never had to navigate marriage, parenting, and aging with.

Exactly. The "one that got away" isn't in your life now because something was wrong with the relationship back in the day. It ended for a reason.

I used to think about my HS boyfriend until I realized the kids with him in his Facebook profile picture (we aren't friends, but have a couple of mutual friends) are his and not his sister's. Not sure where I got that idea to begin with, except they have very blonde hair like his sister and his is dark.

So escapism here--I'm not one to fawn over actors or other celebrities.

Wow, going through this now. DWs affair was with "the one that got away." She has been trying to explain it to me, but I think it's escapism. Live with someone long enough and you'll wish they got away.

Inconsequently, I ran into who I guess would be my version of TOTGA and she hasn't changed a bit. Considering how long it's been, that's a bad thing. Personality is immature, lifestyle leaves much to be desired, but she's nice to look at.

People really do feel that way. But those people are stupid.

I personally thing it's a crock of shit BUT then again, maybe people do really feel that way.

It's easy to idealize someone you never had to navigate marriage, parenting, and aging with.

Anonymous wrote:Escapism. It's easier to think about that one that you're not in a relationship with. He/She doesn't leave the wet towels on the floor or bother you with annoying habits. Since this person is usually from years ago, he/she has the benefit of youth.

+1

Escapism. It's easier to think about that one that you're not in a relationship with. He/She doesn't leave the wet towels on the floor or bother you with annoying habits. Since this person is usually from years ago, he/she has the benefit of youth.

Both. I had to make a choice, was genuinely very upset for a while. Now if I catch myself thinking about him I know it's just a distraction.

Ran into mine shortly after I was widowed. He had a huge gut and was an utter bore. Damn!

Do people really have this? How do you marry someone if you are still pining away for an old love? I always wonder if people really feel this way or whether they just think the grass is always greener and that that former relationship can satisfy something that's missing in their own relationship.