Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I am 8:43. She needs a phone, at a minimum. And saying that, it can be a Pandora's Box of evils! Yes, it allows you to keep track of your kids, and to keep in contact(if they respond), but it also opens up a new world of risks.

No kid "needs" a phone, I'm sorry. Were that the case, none of us parents would have survived childhood / the tween and teen years without one. Ridiculous.

Hi OP. I am 8:43. She needs a phone, at a minimum. And saying that, it can be a Pandora's Box of evils! Yes, it allows you to keep track of your kids, and to keep in contact(if they respond), but it also opens up a new world of risks. My one kid; thought he was the ultimate Disney kid: another parent snagged him smoking pot. We were beyond shocked. Then, looking back, there were signs we missed. The best advice is to try and be an open channel of information and a sounding board.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. As a parent of 3 teenagers, they know waaaay more than you think. Waaay more. I am not sure if you need to talk about anal with your 12 y/o just yet. As for oral, sadly, it seems the stigma, if you will, of doing that is gone. There is still word of girls doing it for a quick $20, and, trust me, no one considers them prostitutes. It is scary. As teenagers, they so chose to do things without any filter. Then, if they become ostracized,, the ramifications can be huge. Keep looking at their electronics, email, what they look at on the Internet. You will be shocked, but, hey, it is parents these days.

Op here. She just turned twelve and has no electronics as of yet. She has an email account she issues on the family computer and I have the password for that. She still acts like sex is pretty disgusting so when we talk about it she acts horrified that I would need/want to talk about certain aspects. She lives a pretty innocent life outside of school - in terms of movies, TV etc but I have no idea about what she sees, hears, talks about at school. I did see one series of exchanges she had with a boy a few months ago and it was very innocent - about who liked who but no sexual talk. I am not too concerned about this year as it is the same kids she has known all along but next year she will be the youngest in a school with kids coming from many other schools and it will be a whole new world.

My children (9 and 11) have no electronics, but if they did and of course I'd be paying for them, you bet your ass I'd have already gone through the electronics history by now. I am baffled at the number of parents who are afraid of their kids.

I am scared to look at my kid's electronics. I really, really am. I have an 11yo DD and a 13 yo DS. The thought of looking makes me physically ill.

parents = parenting

OP, I feel your pain. As a parent of 3 teenagers, they know waaaay more than you think. Waaay more. I am not sure if you need to talk about anal with your 12 y/o just yet. As for oral, sadly, it seems the stigma, if you will, of doing that is gone. There is still word of girls doing it for a quick $20, and, trust me, no one considers them prostitutes. It is scary. As teenagers, they so chose to do things without any filter. Then, if they become ostracized,, the ramifications can be huge. Keep looking at their electronics, email, what they look at on the Internet. You will be shocked, but, hey, it is parents these days.

Yes, I would say she needs to know about birth control and STDs. Time to start drilling it into her head to always use a condom.

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:Someone posted this link in an earlier thread about snooping through your kids electronics http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=96. I read some of the threads on it and was thankful that mine are only seven and panicked at the same time about some of the things that these girls some as young as your daughter were talking about.

I posted that link. I was shock but not surprised by what I found there though.

Assume she knows all about the mechanics and has already seen porn, especially if she is a thrill seeker and a flirt. I used to be a school counselor. Most 12 year old boys have nude pics from the internet on their iPod touch....

Assume she doesn't have a clue about the emotional aspects of intimacy.

Talk to her about self esteem and how sex isn't as casual as it appears in our culture. Tell her to never send a nude photo or a sexual text email, as it could easily get passed around (read about Pyle Junior High sexting scandal in Bethesda)

Most girls get attached to boys they just kiss during spin the bottle.

Many Moms only offered birth control or a canned religious speech.

Op here. Thanks. She knows the basics of what sex is and pregnancy. Haven't talked about oral/anal or STDs or various dynamics of how girls/boys end up in compromising situations maybe without meaning to.

She seems so disinterested in it in some ways (still a little girl) but then I get glimpses of her trying to be sexy/flirty and I wonder if her school persona isn't a little more risque than what we see at home.

I'm pp, meant to say "my current 13 year old boy..."

Someone posted this link in an earlier thread about snooping through your kids electronics http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=96. I read some of the threads on it and was thankful that mine are only seven and panicked at the same time about some of the things that these girls some as young as your daughter were talking about.

I dont know if it's different for girls buy my current 13 year old pretty much knew all the basics by that age and some things that others may have felt were too much to know about, for example anal sex. I bought him the book It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health, and that book goes into a lot.

How much do your 12 year olds know about sex? STDs? The emotional aspects? She is kind of a young 12 but with a wild, rebel streak and next year she is going to a school with many older kids and I am wondering if she is under prepared.